Are you Dating or Interviewing?

When you’re a busy professional, carving out time for a date is a challenge. Nobody wants to feel like they’ve wasted their time, but this is even more important when you’ve got to be awake at 5am tomorrow morning. It’s tempting, then, to turn the first date into an interview of sorts. While this is a great way to find the one in a pool of job candidates, it might actually be a harmful approach to dating. Here are a few ways to tell if you’re inviting your new flame to a first date or a job interview:

You SHOULD seek out a compatible partnership. You SHOULDN’T create a strict list of required experience and skills.

Take some time to become familiar with what your values are. Spend a moment thinking about what you truly need from a partner, and keep those things in mind when you’re dating. However, it won’t help you to create an extensive list of requirements. It’s very important to remember that “husband” and “wife” are not job titles, nor do they entail a specific list of duties. You should look for a partner whose values align with your own, but you shouldn’t allow minor differences to stop you in your tracks.

When you find yourself becoming the interviewer on a date, take a moment to remind yourself what is happening. A first date doesn’t need to entail more than a friendly conversation. You won’t be evaluating someone’s fitness for a role based on preset qualifications. When you approach dating from an interviewing perspective, you lose the chance to define the terms of any future relationship together. Every relationship is unique, and it will serve you to remember that you are looking to build a life together, not fill a subordinate position in the office.

You SHOULD be aware of any potential hurdles. You SHOULDN’T let them stand in the way of a great partnership.

When you’re single, it’s easy to view any potential new relationship from the outside in. You study every detail and possible future of the life you might live together. When a relationship starts to get serious, this can be a helpful exercise. However, when you’re just dating, picturing the future together often leads to creating a list of reasons “why not”. It’s a good sign when you can picture your life with your partner. But before you’ve decided to emotionally invest in a relationship with someone, this kind of thinking can instead serve to keep you single.

You might look at their career, their home, or even their neighborhood, and wonder how you could ever be happy together. The obstacle standing between you won’t disappear, but for the right person, they’re worth overcoming. Twenty minutes sounds like a long drive for a date with someone you haven’t fallen for. But for someone who makes you feel on top of the world? It’s no time at all.

You SHOULD choose a meeting time and place together. You SHOULDN’T treat your date like a business meeting.

Showing up on time is important in both the dating and business worlds, but that’s usually where the similarities end. When you meet your date, there won’t be an itinerary printed out and waiting on the table. You’re not selling anything or trying to bring in an important client. You’re just there to get to know someone new, and the only thing on the agenda is to spend time together.

Longing to be deeply in love makes it easy to dread the dating process. When you don’t feel a spark on the first date, it can be tempting to view the whole endeavor as a failed contract bid. Thinking about any potential relationship is a complete non-starter. This mindset might help you out at work, but it won’t help you down the aisle. Relationships develop, and it takes time to fall for someone new. If you shut down negotiations every time you realize you’re not already in love, you’ll never get to experience the falling.

You SHOULD put your best foot forward. You SHOULDN’T lie about your background to get a callback.

Do you ever feel like you’re the interviewee on a first date? There have been hundreds of articles and advice columns about what you should do to make your night - and yourself - memorable. Some of it is genuinely good advice: you should wear an outfit that’s well-fitted, comfortable, and appropriate for your date; you should make an effort to be pleasant and charming; you should be willing to step a little out of your comfort zone. This is all great stuff to keep in mind, but it can become overwhelming to focus on being perfect.

On a date with someone who seems perfect for you, it might sound like a good idea to overstate how much you love dogs and scrapbooking. This might work fine for a casual fling, but it won’t benefit you, in the long run, to lie about the parts of your life that you’ll share in a relationship. We often hear people talk about their partner being everything they ever dreamed of, but the truth is no relationship is completely perfect. There will be boxes you don’t check off for everyone you date, even the person you’ll eventually marry.


Happy woman opening Christmas gift box

2022 Gift Guide: Top 35 Romantic Gifts

It’s that time of year again. That’s right–‘tis the season of gift giving. Whether you’re planning for the holidays or just want to show how much you care, giving a gift is a great way to express your love to your special someone. That being said, picking the right gift is easier said than done. To make the process a little simpler, we’ve come up with a list of 35 romantic gifts that are sure to impress. From top-of-the-line tech to sexy silk robes, here’s our 2022 list of the best gifts for your partner.

#1. Boiled Cashmere Crewneck Sweater by Vince 

Holiday season means it’s time for sweater weather. Send a little style to your special someone with this classic crewneck sweater knit from pure cashmere for a luxe look and feel.

#2. Romantic Call Body Oil by Balmyard Beauty 

For partners whose love language is physical touch–get this gift. A luxurious blend of prized oils and West Indian florals, this body oil makes for a perfect excuse for a sensuous, full-body massage. Just one whiff of this amazing coconut and smell and you’ll both be transported to the tropics.

#3. La Stella Necklace by SORELLINA

This stunning celestial pendant is the definition of bohemian meets luxury. An onyx shield—bordered by almost a full carat’s worth of sapphires and diamonds—lays a dramatic backdrop for a pavé star. 

#4. Orchid Robe by KIKI DE MONTPARNASSE

The Orchid collection embodies KIKIDM’s approach to sophisticated seduction. The Orchid Long Robe is made from lustrous silk charmeuse and inset French Lace. Complete the look with the matching Orchid Soft Bra and Thong for a sensuous, coordinated look.

#5. The Relationship Deck by BEST SELF

Loaded with conversation prompts for you and a romantic partner, these cards make a game out of the stuff that’s important to talk about but sometimes hard to bring up, from money to health to where you see yourself several years down the road. The point? To squash assumptions and connect more deeply with each other.

#6. Personalized Concorde Sunglasses in 23k Gold by Randolph USA 

A timeless style steeped in American military heritage, the Concorde in 23k Gold offers customized engraving for a more romantic touch. Worn by pilots, adventurers and tastemakers alike, these unisex sunglasses make the perfect gift for an adventurous yet stylish partner. 

#7. The Model One Scooter by Unagi

Does your date seem to always be on the go? This top-of-the-line scooter is a gift that makes getting around a bit easier.

#8. The Montblanc Marilyn Monroe Pen

A nice pen says a lot about a man. The Montblanc Marilyn Monroe fountain pen is more than just a pen–it’s two iconic images forming together into one. Inspired by Marilyn Monroe and her Ferragamo high-heels, this pen reflects classic luxury and unforgettable sensuality. 

#9. The Tank Louis Cartier Watch

There is no better way to tell the time than the Tank Louis Cartier watch. This luxurious classic is encased in 18K yellow gold with a beaded crown set with a sapphire, grained silvered dial, and blued-steel sword-shaped hands.

#10. The Sex Stone by Kate McLeod

Wanting to spice things up this season? Look no further than the Kate McLeod Sex Stone. Perfect for partnered play, this unscented sensual moisturizer provides nourishing lubrication for moments of intimacy and exploration.

#11. The Sony α7R IV Full-frame Mirrorless Interchangeable Lens Camera

For the partner who always takes the most Instagramable pictures, the Sony a7R is an excellent choice for any aspiring photographer.

#12. Apple AirPods Pro (2nd Generation)

Keep your partner up to date on the latest tech with the Apple Airpods Pro (2nd Generation). Personalize them for a little romantic touch.

#13. The Apple Watch Series 8 

The new Apple Watch is here and looking better than ever. Impress your partner with the Gold Stainless Steel Case with Leather Link made from handcrafted Roux Granada leather.

#14. The Bose Noise Canceling Headphones 700

Sometimes the best gift is just being able to tune out the rest of the world. WIth the world-class adjustable noise cancellation headphones by Bose, your partner can do just that.

#15. The Suede Blanc luxe candle by Voluspa 

With notes of Buttery Suede Leather, Amber and Cedar, this candle is guaranteed to set the mood.

#16. Luxury Roses, Customized Gifts & Flower Arrangements by Venus et Fleur

Roses are a timeless gift that always sparks romance. These roses, however, are a gift that keeps on giving. The Small Le Plein Eternity Roses are flowers that never die.

#17. A Parcel Gift Set

These expertly curated gifts are designed to deliver love, gratitude, or just “thinking of you” with a heartfelt and beautiful gift. Shop ready-to-ship gifts or make your own with custom-made options.

#18. Date Night Cooking Classes at Sur la Table 

Table for two? Cook up a fun-filled date night and some delicious memories in our exciting, hands-on classes. With global cuisine from Spanish tapas to Pad Thai, these cooking classes are a unique gift experience that is sure to impress.

#19. Virtual Wine Tastings at Home with Wine.com

The popular wine website is tapping winemakers, wine critics, and other pros for a series of free virtual wine and spirit tastings. Grab your partner to join famous creators as they share stories about winemaking, artistry, and entrepreneurship. 

#20. A Make-Your-Own Fortune Cookies Kit

Do you see good fortune for your relationship? Write in your own fortune cookie! This fun set provides key ingredients along with easy-to-follow instructions and prep tools. Packed with 60 prewritten messages, the kit also includes an edible ink pen to decorate each crispy creation and get personal with your own customized fortunes. 

#21. A Love Notes Memory Jar

This quirky romantic gift will stand the test of time. You can record treasured moments and store them in this fun glass jar.

#22. BEE Mine Couples Mittens

This fun, unique set comes with two gloves and a shareable mitten – allowing you and your love to hold hands in even the coldest weather. 

#23. A Personalized Portrait

When a regular picture just doesn’t cut it, you can add an artistic twist on your couple’s photo with this personalized portrait. This gift really stands the test of time.

#24. A Fujifilm Instant Camera

Escape the digital age with this instant camera. It prints out a physical copy of your photo right after you take it – which is great for building collages or scrapbooks. 

#25. A Custom Star Map

To forever remember that magical moment you first met, kissed, or said “I love you. ”Show your partner that your relationship is out of this world with this gorgeous custom star map. You can customize it to include constellations and quotes.

#26. A Crystal Ring Holder by Waterford

Want to send a little message that something special is soon to come? Nothing quite builds the excitement for an engagement like preparing for the ring. The gold standard in crystal, the Waterford Ring Holder is a perfect gift for a soon-to-be-fiance. 

#27. Smart Watch Accessories by Goldenerre

Give her Apple Watch a glow-up with this glamorous gift set. This Luxe 6-Piece Gift Set includes six mix-and-match accessories that’ll make her smart watch sparkle.

#28. A Made-to-Order Personalized Song

If you really want to pull out all of the stops, this gift is guaranteed to WOW. With just a few questions, singer-songwriter David Morgan will work up and create a custom track made just for you and your boo. 

#29. A Dyson Airwrap™

Even if you’ve never heard of this coveted hair tool, it’s likely that your girlfriend has–and chances are, she wants it. This award-winning device comes with a range of attachments, from hair-smoothing brushes to hair-curling barrels, that dry and style at the same time—without extreme heat. 

#30. Plush Edit Slippers by Arch

These plush and pink slippers scream Barbie girl. They’re comfy, durable, and suitable for both indoor and outdoor wear. What more could she want from her slippers?

#31. I Love You, Voice Art

Customize this canvas with your own personal message sound wave. The art is created from your voice recording and an optional handwritten note. 

#32. Long Distance Touch Bracelets

Long-distance relationships are tough, but this gift makes it all a little bit easier. When one user touches their bracelet, the other one feels it, too—no matter where they are on the planet. Not only that–the bracelet emits a vibration that mimics your partner’s touch. 

#33. Laser Engraved Photo

Turn a favorite photo into a one-of-a-kind keepsake he will treasure forever! This breathtaking crystal is custom-made to showcase your best memories in a piece of art. 

#34. Scratch Off Map of the World

Do you and your partner share a wanderlust as well as regular lust? Then this is the perfect gift for him. Scratch off each location you’ve visited together to reveal a map of the location underneath. 

#35. Personal Message Bracelet 

Give your guy a handwritten secret message he can look at every day. The Loved One’s Handwritten Leather Bracelet has a hidden message that makes a super romantic gift for him. 


The New Dating Dynamic and the Modern, Lonely Man

When it comes to dating, are modern men missing the mark? According to a recent Psychology Today article, it seems so.

To get an executive perspective on this topic, I sat down with our Vice President Genevieve Gresset, who was interviewed just this week by BBC Radio for her expert take on the trending article. Here's what she has to say about the cultural shift executive men are facing in the modern dating world.

Men, The Tables are Turning

Gone are the days of men having a fair share of single women to choose from. In this modern dating market, the tables are turning. In his recent article, Dr. Greg Matos shares a striking statistic that shows a dramatic shift in the current dating scene. Approximately 62 percent of dating app users are men. What does that mean? For men looking for love online, chances of finding a match have never been lower.

This also means that women have a larger dating pool to choose from, allowing women to raise their standards in the men they select to date. According to Matos, “younger and middle-aged men are the loneliest they’ve ever been in generations, and it’s probably going to get worse.”

Although this might sound hopeless, a solution is in sight. Although, it won’t come easy. In order to meet the rising relationship standards, it’s up to men to address those skills they may be lacking.

The Heart of the Matter

Maybe that’s true for men on dating apps, but what about those trying to find love in the real world? According to our Gresset, these facts still hold true.

“For the first time in history,” says Gresset, “women possess a new cultural power.”

Unlike in the past, women surpass men by 0.2 percent as a more college-educated labor force. Women also hold over half of the nation’s jobs. While there's still a way to move forward through perfect equality of the sexes, many women find that they are just as capable as their male counterparts to build the life they want. They no longer rely on men to provide luxuries that were once only achieved through marriage.

According to Gresset, this puts men in a unique position. “Men are no longer valued solely by their ability to provide financially for a family,” she says. “The modern single woman desires a partner who can meet her emotional needs more than anything else.”

This demand for emotional equality is a revolutionary shift in modern dating. “Behaviors women might have excused before are no longer tolerated,” says Gresset. “This is forcing men to either change their behaviors or be left behind.”

A Solution in Sight

“Men have held a consistent position in the dating world for centuries,” Gresset says. “But now it’s time that they experience their own evolution.”

As relationship standards rise, men are faced with the question of whether or not they can successfully step up to the plate. Although this might sound like an ultimatum, Gresset assures that this call for action is not based on any sort of man-hating. Instead, she hopes that men will see this as an opportunity for self-reflection and self-betterment. “Strong men will see the need for change and adapt,” she says.

How can men reap the benefit of these changing times? Both Gresset and Dr. Matos agree—by strengthening mental health and emotional intelligence.

For those dealing with heavy emotional baggage, such as past traumas, Dr. Matos suggests resources like therapy as a great way to begin healing. Yet, for men looking for help tailored specifically towards finding success in their love life, Gresset says coaching is the best option.

“Executive Matchmakers offers relationship coaching that is designed to fit the unique needs and lifestyles of our clients,” Gresset says. Their clients have found immense success within their coaching programs. “Often our clients find that they not only improve their success in love and relationships, but go on to live happier, more peaceful, and more fulfilling lives by implementing our proven techniques.”

While the times might be changing, it does not mean that men have to fall behind. Men have a key role in this cultural shift—but only if they wholeheartedly commit to improving their mental health.

Interested in making the change? Sign up for our expert coaching today.


Top 10 Exotic Hotels for a Romantic Summer Getaway

If one thing is certain in the world, it’s that summer is for vacation. This summer, what better way to spoil your special someone than by splurging on an exotic, luxury getaway! Whether you and your partner are looking for a thrilling adventure, relaxing retreat, or some Instagram-worthy views, we’ve got you covered. 

Time to pack your bags! Here are our top 10 hotel picks for an exotic, romantic getaway with your sweetheart this summer. 

 

Photo from conradmaldives.com

#1. Snuggle beneath the sea at The Conrad Maldives.

For ocean lovers, there is no better summer getaway than The Conrad Maldives. Despite its world-class accommodations, cuisines, and scenery, what makes this resort truly unique is the coveted Muraka suite. With 24-hour butler services and an outdoor deck with a private infinity pool, you and your sweetheart are guaranteed a vacation of a lifetime. If that’s not enough, the suite also includes the world’s first underwater hotel villa. Couples can literally sleep under the sea. Forget sheep, you and your lover can fall asleep counting the fish swimming above your bed. 

Photo from Memories of Aicha website.

#2 Go stargazing at the Aicha Desert Camp.

There’s something magical about staring up at the stars–especially when it’s with your significant other. The Memories Aicha Luxury Camp knows this. That’s why they designed their entire hotel around the importance of staring at the stars. 

Nestled in the heart of the Wadi Rum, each of Aicha Luxury Camp’s 55 dome-style tents is decorated with plush furnishings and a color-scheme of yellows, oranges and reds inspired by the colorful sands of the desert. For serious stargazers, the Panoramic Luxury Tent allows couples to view the rugged mountains and the stunning Arabian desert from the comfort of a king-sized bed. Whether you and your partner are nature lovers, adventurers, or hopeless romantics, the Aicha Camp allows couples to wake up in the wild outdoors without compromising an ounce of luxury. 

 

#3. Cuddle up in the canyons at Amangiri.

For couples looking for an exotic getaway – without straying far from home – the Amangiri Resort offers an excellent option. Located on a 600-acre expanse of wilderness in Canyon Point, Southern Utah, the resort is tucked into a protected valley with sweeping views over colorful, stratified rock. Couples will be swept away by the breathtaking architecture that is designed to blend into the landscape along with the natural hues, materials, and textures within the resort’s interiors. Snuggle up with your special someone as you appreciate the natural wonders of the cascading bluffs and dramatic stones.  

 

#4. Crank up your wild side at the Savanna Game Reserve.

Need to let loose? To get in touch with your wild side, there’s no better teacher than Mother Nature herself. Spice up your relationship by taking your partner on a South African Safari. Savanna Game Reserve is an exclusive 5-star lodge situated in the internationally famous Sabi Sands within the Kruger National Park Conservancy. Internationally acclaimed and one-of-a-kind, the Savanna Lodge offers an exclusive, personalized, and intimate safari experience unlike any other. 

After a day of viewing the “Big 5” animal sightings, couples can end their nights in luxury-tented accommodation, world-class cuisine, and exceptional service.  

 

#5. Fall in love at the Belmond Hotel Das Cataratas.

Want to impress your special someone with a grand, romantic gesture? If drama is what you’re going for, it doesn’t get much more grand than the Iguassu Falls. Grab your passports and head to the Belmond Hotel das Cataratas, a romantic getaway nestled within the Iguassu National Park. As the only hotel located within the national Park, you and your partner will be just a short stroll from the largest systems of waterfalls in the world.

For the most-breathtaking view of the area's collection of 275 waterfalls, take your sweetheart on an exciting helicopter flights over the Devil’s Throat canyon. Other romantic adventures include rafting, nature walks, jeep safaris and a visit to the bird park. 

 

Photo from calilo.com. Heart Pool One Bedroom Suite.

#6. Soak up some sun at Calilo.

 An exclusive 5-star spa resort, Calilo is the perfect pick for eco-conscious couples looking for a sunny, island getaway. At Calilo, guests can enjoy sustainable tourism in Greece without sacrificing the comforts of top-of-the-line luxury. Couples can soak up the sun as well as the incredible beaches, stunning landscapes, and local products in privacy, luxury, and comfort. 

Among its many impressive features, Calilo’s private grounds include 30 individually-designed suites, each offering panoramic bay views, direct beach access, dreamy plunge pools, swim-up bars and romantic day beds. Calilo’s playful and relaxed vibe will be inspiring for couples in the need to relax, realign, and reconnect. With the sand between your toes and the sun on your skin, there’s no better place to escape with your lover.

 

#7. Connect with nature (and each other) at El Silencio.

The daily responsibilities of life often make it difficult to connect with your soulmate. Sometimes, all you need to ignite that spark again is to unwind, relax, and go somewhere far, far away. One of Costa Rica’s most unique and tranquil luxury resorts, El Silencio Lodge & Spa is just that. Located on a 500-acre private reserve between the Juan Castro Blanco and Poás Volcano National Parks, El Silencio is a natural immersion retreat that promises a transformative, nature-based experience for its guests.

Besides its upscale facilities, couples can enjoy Costa Rica's charming cloud forest highlands, misty tropical cloud forest, roaring waterfalls, and colorful culture. This unique destination is ideal for couples who need a little peace and quiet to revamp the romance within their busy lives. 

 

#8. Live like kings at Rambagh Palace in Jaipur.

For couples in need of the royal treatment, look no further than Rambagh Palace. The history of Rajasthan is rich with legendary tales of love and valor. Since its construction in 1835, the Rambagh Palace has been home to generations of royals.

The "Jewel of Jaipur" features stunningly restored suites that were the chambers of the former Maharaja, himself. Couples can bask in the beauty of the palaces’ breathtaking décor. Inspired by the warm hues of the state of Rajasthan, the palace features marbled corridors, majestic gardens, and extravagant fine art. For the best views, we recommend booking the legendary Peacock suite, which overlooks the stunning greens of the Mughal Terrace. For couples seeking an exotic vacation without sacrificing the luxury, rich history, or fun activities, the Rambagh Palace is the place for you.

 

Photo from La Mamounia’s website. The Park Deluxe Room

#9. Escape in Luxury at La Mamounia.

One of Morocco's most well-known (and most expensive) resorts, La Mamounia is recognized globally as a symbol of traditional Moroccan hospitality. From Winston Churchill to Paul McCartney, the resort has been a favorite for many famous figures throughout history. Even Condé Nast Traveler agrees, naming La Mamounia as the best hotel in the world. 

Meaning "the safe haven" in the Arabic language, La Mamounia takes it name to heart. Its 17-acre park includes luxurious decorations, fabulous gardens, and a top-of-the-line spa. Just a five-minute walk from Jemaa El Fna square, this legendary Moroccan palace is the perfect, serene retreat from the imperial city. Its totally redesigned interior combines authentic Moroccan style and ambiance with the latest technologies. For couples looking for a romantic yet Instagram-worthy getaway, La Mamounia will not disappoint. 

 

#10. Steal kisses in caves at The Argos in Cappadocia.

Located in the heart of Cappadocia on the site of an ancient monastery in Old Uchisar Village, Argos in Cappadocia is a world-class boutique hotel ideal for travelers in the mood for romance and relaxation. The hotel consists of the restored remains of historical dwellings, underground tunnels, and caves, offering guests an unparralled vacation experience.

Among its many unique features, exists a three mile long tunnel and an underground city that connect the hotel’s six mansions. We suggest booking the hotel’s Splendid Suites. Featuring private gardens, panoramic city views, and even a cave pool, these suites are perfect for couples looking to turn up the romance.


Where Johnny Depp and Amber Heard went wrong–through the eyes of a certified matchmaker

There are two kinds of relationships; lust-driven and emotion-driven.

Early on in a relationship, people often make the mistake that a simple chemical reaction between each other can be the basis for a romantic, meaningful, life-long companionate relationship. Lust-driven relationships usually fail as a result of clashing core values and one trying to change the other. Lacking the pillars of a successful relationship, basic needs are not met. They are the circle inside of a square.

How Love & Lust Impacts our Brains

The chemical reaction that people describe as "the spark", "that feeling", "fireworks" and literally, "chemistry" are a result of one chemical activating in the brain–dopamine.

Directly associated with the experience of love, dopamine is a type of neurotransmitter made in the brain and used to send messages between nerve cells. It is sometimes called a chemical messenger. Dopamine plays a role in how we feel pleasure, and find focus and interest. It is related to the experience of attraction, love, and desire.

Dopamine can oftentimes be related to the phrase, “rose-colored glasses,” the pink fluffy cloud, or the honeymoon phase early in a relationship. Dopamine can create some amazing feelings by itself. However, doing all of the work on its own, it can become tiring, dissolving in a week, a few months, or a year. The recipients of this amazing chemical reaction are left with a vision that is not so rosy, clouds that are not so fluffy and pink. A moon but no honey mead to go with it. The spark has fizzled out. Without aligned core values in place or other important neurochemicals, the relationship fails.

The Emotionally-Driven Relationship Type

Emotionally-driven relationships are based on aligned core values, two to three pillars of a successful relationship (intellectual, emotional, recreational, spiritual, and sexual intimacies), and the law of attraction. These companionate relationships all have something in common: dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin. These chemicals are deeply connected to attachment and bonding, the latter two being key hormones for both maternal and romantic relationships.
The participants in a lust-driven relationship may not have anything to talk about and wonder why they are with the other person at all. Dopamine is the creator of lust-driven relationships and without its friends, oxytocin, and vasopressin, along for the ride these lust-driven relationships don't have the substance to endure the rise and fall all relationships have. They just can't weather the storm.

What Type of Relationship Did Johnny and Amber Have?

Analysis of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard's relationship leads this science-informed matchmaker to determine that a lust-driven relationship was pursued to the enth degree. Time passed and the dopamine wore thin. These two opposites turned on one another and began destroying not only their relationship but their self-worth. There was talk of infidelity, a major player in the downfall of lust-driven relationships as needs are not being met for either person. Opposing core values may play a major role as well. When one person self-medicates with drugs and alcohol on a regular basis, seven days a week throughout their lifetime this is behavior that cannot be changed by the other person. They didn't create it, they didn't cause it and they can't change it. Most people aren't that self-aware, so they will continue to try and understand and or change the other person unsuccessfully.

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard were committed legally to one another through marriage and that is something they were fighting for however the odds were against them. When the dopamine ran dry, the rose-colored glasses were off and their authentic selves were revealed. The rungs of the superficial ladder that the relationship was based on, physicality and their common career choice, acting, crumbled like a cracker.

The Lesson

Emotionally-driven relationships in which people have taken the time to identify core values, and intimacies that create a basis for friendship, respect, and love, can weather the rise and falls that all relationships experience. These types of relationships have stamina. So long as the superficial ladder is folded and put away, there is even more space for love to grow.


15 Signs that Prove He is the One

“Will you marry me?”

Even as a child, I imagined the day that some handsome prince charming would go down on his knee and ask me that magical question. It’s normal, I think, for girls to fantasize about these things. As soon as we’re taught to read, walk, and talk, we’re bombarded with movies, shows, and books that all center around one thing—finding The One. The fact that one day I’d meet my own special someone was as real to me as the clouds in the sky. It would happen. And we would live happily ever after.

As I’ve grown up, I’ve realized that love isn’t as easy as a Disney movie. The road to real, lasting love can be filled with heartbreak, pain, and doubt. Sometimes it takes a failed relationship (or two, or more) to teach you how to spot the right one when he comes along.

The first time I laid eyes on Rod (the man who would later become my fiance) I immediately noticed something special about him. The more we got to know each other, I grew increasingly confident that he was unlike any guy I had ever met before him. All of his expressions of love were indicators that he was The One I had been waiting for all my life.

On January 4th, 2022, my prince charming knelt on one knee and asked me that question I’d dreamt of my whole life. Despite all my imagining of that moment, I couldn’t believe it was real. It was happening! I screamed out a declarative “YES!” And we haven’t looked back since.

If you’ve been dating someone for a while, it’s only natural to wonder if they’re really right for you. Wondering if you’ve found The One? Here are my top 15 signs that you’ve got the guy of your dreams.

15 Signs He's The One

#1. I can be myself with him.

If you’re dating and considering whether you should take your relationship to the next level, the first question you should ask yourself is: am I comfortable with him? For me, this aspect of our relationship was crucial. As an introvert, I have a tendency not to let many people ‘in.’ So, when Rod made the effort to get to know me—and I mean really get to know me—I felt safe to just be myself, faults and all. He has the ability to help me relax, open up, and pour my heart out without fearing judgment. Once you feel comfortable telling your partner everything, that’s when you know he’s husband material.

#2. He supports my goals.

Rod met me during a transitional phase in my life when I was struggling to figure out my future. Instead of trying to force me on to a path toward what he thought was best, Rod gave me the space and independence to develop and pursue my own goals. His support allowed me to develop myself, my skills, and my dreams while we designed our future together. He admires my ambition and is always there for me when I need a helping hand.

#3. He expresses his feelings for me.

I’m one of those crazy people obsessed with all types of personality tests. Myers-Briggs, Enneagram—you name it, I’ve done it! And now, so has my fiance. To this day, Rod jokes about all the tests he had to take to be able to ‘pass’ into boyfriend material. All jokes aside, there was a reason behind all the test madness, and that was to gain some insight into how Rod expresses his love. Not long into dating, I sent him the link to Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages online test. When he texted me back with his results, I couldn’t believe it. We shared the same top two love languages—physical touch and quality time—exactly in the same order. Knowing that early on helped me as our relationship progressed. Now, I know that each time he hugs me, reaches for my hand, or makes time for just the two of us, he is expressing his love for me. The feeling was 100% mutual.

#4. He loves spending time with me, even if it's just a few minutes.

Between our busy work schedules, wedding planning, and other day-to-day duties, there are times when it’s hard to get quality time together. Despite whatever plans the day holds, Rod prioritizes being with me. Even if it means silently working our laptops, he likes to just sit next to me. If he goes out with the guys, he makes a note to invite me, even if he knows it’s not my thing. This makes me feel like he genuinely appreciates my presence. He’s never once made me feel like a burden.

#5. He's my best friend and I'm his.

The day Rod told me that I was his best friend was almost more special to me than the first time he told me that he loved me. He didn’t just like me for how I looked, what I did for him, or what I could be—he just liked me for me. For me, that meant everything.

#6. My family loves him.

Rod knew early on that the approval of my family was something really important for me. But he was eager to meet them and to get to know the people who know me best. As soon as I saw Rod with my parents, all my anxieties washed away. My parents immediately loved him and I knew he was going to fit right in.

#7. He provides for me.

Rod is hard-working, generous, and career-minded—qualities that show I can rely on him to support a family. A man’s ability to provide financially is great. But, in the words of Shania Twain, “that don’t impress me much.” What made Rod stand out from the rest was his ability to provide for me emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. No matter what is going on in my life, I can count on him to make things better. At times when everything feels up in the air, he is my source of stability, grounding me when the road gets tough.

#8. I trust him.

They say with no trust, there’s no relationship. When we first started dating, Rod and I were long-distance. It was important that we maintained trust despite living in different countries. Rod knew I was still scarred from past experiences and was sensitive to any suspicions I might have initially felt towards him. Not only did he never break my trust, but he was patient with me as he taught me how to trust again.

The happily engaged couple.

#9. He's genuinely interested in me.

Before I met Rod, I had met guys who were eager to fill a missing position in their lives. But when it came to dating, they were more interested in talking about themselves than actually getting to know the girl before them. Rod was different in that he was genuinely interested in me. He asked me lots of questions and still does!

#10. He's not jealous.

Both of us have lots of friends—and some of them happen to be of the opposite sex. Unlike some men, Rod has never been the jealous type. He quickly embraced my guy friends and considers them friends of his own.

#11. He remembers the little things.

Wedding planning can be a lot of fun, but it’s easy to get caught up in the details. Just the other day, I was obsessing about which color of napkins to choose for cocktail hour. Sensing I was stressed, Rod pulled me in for a hug, kissed my forehead, and told me he had a surprise for me. From behind his back, he revealed an ice cream, cookie sandwich—which he knows is my absolute favorite treat on earth. All thoughts about napkins and colors immediately vanished as I bit into my sugary escape. When it comes to the little things—Rod just gets it.

#12. He accepts me for who I am.

After two years of dating, Rod has seen me through it all—the good, the bad, and the very ugly. I love dressing up, but it’s nice to know that Rod loves me even when I’m not picture perfect. Even with no makeup, night retainer in, and unbrushed hair—he still tells me I’m beautiful. (I know he’s lying, but still!)

#13. He (still) gives me butterflies.

Even though we’ve been dating for over two years, the electricity between us grows more each day. As I mentioned earlier, most of the time, I feel relaxed with him. But sometimes, he makes me feel like a nervous schoolgirl with a secret crush. When he passes behind me and touches the small of my back; when he loses himself in the music as he plays his guitar; or just the glimmer in his eyes when he looks at me a certain way—in those moments I feel nothing but butterflies.

#14. He never goes to sleep mad.

Like most couples, we’re no stranger to the occasional argument. We are always careful to speak respectfully towards each other and never lose our tempers. Likewise, we both believe in working through disagreements quickly with honest and open communication. He’s always patient with me, listens, and is eager to find a compromise that works for us both.

#15. I can't imagine my life without him.

Love might not be as simple as it seems in movies. The road to real love can be complicated, messy, and confusing at times. But, when you find The One, suddenly everything starts to make sense. In my case, I realized that love shouldn’t be complicated—it should be comforting, uplighting, and kind.
For me, this ah-ha moment occurred with Rod, ironically, after watching a movie. The film was about a couple who grew together in both love and age. As the credits rolled, I realized that Rod was that man for me—the man with whom I wanted to grow old, spend my life, and be by my side forever. I could not imagine my life without him.

Engaged couple in city holding hands.
Molly and her fiance.

Is he the one?

Despite his undeniable charm and dashing good looks, my fiance is not a Prince Charming. He doesn’t wear a coat of armor or ride around town on a gallant white horse. And, just like me, he doesn’t always say or do the right things. But, unlike Prince Charming, Rod is real. He is a man of strength, kindness, and dedication to our love and our relationship. Loving him is my dream come true. Every relationship is different, but for me, these signs proved that he is undeniably The One. I can’t wait to begin our happily ever after.


perfect couple

Spring Cleaning: How to Freshen Up Your Dating Checklist

Jessica’s friends can’t understand why she’s still single. They say that, with her good looks and charm, she could get any guy she wanted. To some degree, they’re right. For her, finding a date has never been the problem. Most men that she meets are instantly enamored with her and eager to start a relationship.

For Jessica, however, the feelings are rarely mutual. She has high standards for her relationships and wants a man who lives up to her ideals. She refuses to settle for a partner who doesn’t cross off every mark on her dating checklist.

After interacting with a guy for a few minutes, Jessica usually decides he’s not worth seeing again. Despite her efforts, she always finds herself back to square one.

Beware of the dating checklist

Does this sound familiar? In the matchmaking industry, female clients like Jessica are very common.

Often, the most beautiful, charismatic, and successful women join matchmaking confused as to why they can’t achieve the same prosperity in their relationships as they do in every other aspect of their lives.

After years of experience, matchmakers have identified at least one culprit to this pesky relationship problem. It is none other than the dating checklist.

According to matchmakers, women with rigid checklists tend to stay single longer than those who regularly reevaluate their relationship requirements.

This is not to say that standards are bad–just that a little spring cleaning never hurt anyone.

Find yourself constantly dating guys who never measure up? It might be time to freshen up your relationship checklist.

Loosen the list

Any attractive, successful woman with a bright personality has been told this phrase at least once in her life: you can get any guy you want.

While this might seem like a great thing to hear, for most women, it only adds pressure. The process of selecting a partner is already stressful, but the idea of infinite romantic possibilities can be incredibly overwhelming. In their efforts to search for the best of the best, it’s only natural that women use some sort of organizational system to help them narrow down their choices. In that way, checklists make perfect sense.

However, checklists come with consequences. Matchmakers point to overly rigid checklists as a reason why some singles overlook potentially compatible partners. According to matchmakers, checklists are a slippery slope–once you start to list a few relationship requirements, it’s easy to list another few, and another, and another.

Before you know it, you can be evaluating potential partners from a dating checklist that is pages long.

Instead, matchmakers recommend prioritizing the qualities on your checklist. Figure out what qualities are most important to you and stick to them.

For a list that actually works in your favor, it’s best to keep it loose and limited.

What’s in a checklist?
If you’re finding it difficult to narrow down your dating checklist, one helpful exercise is to examine the values that motivate each of your relationship requirements.

For reference, some common dating checklist items are:

  • Age
  • Physical attractiveness
  • Financial success
  • Education
  • Political leaning
  • Religion
  • Family
  • Children
  • Ethnicity
  • Shared hobbies

Let’s look at Jessica’s checklist, for example. When she goes out on a date, some of the things she looks for are the following:

  • He is over 6 feet tall
  • He wears designer clothing
  • He drives a luxury vehicle
  • He earns at least a six-figure salary
  • He’s college-educated

Maybe these aren’t the only traits Jessica looks for in a mate. Yet, over the years, she has recognized these qualities as quick and easy indicators of whether or not she could be compatible with someone. However, very few of the men she met were able to check all of her boxes. If they did, she rarely felt any chemistry with them.

After working with her relationship coach, Jessica realized it was time to reevaluate her relationship requirements. Instead of projecting these prerequisites on her dates, she decided to reflect inward. She asked herself: Why are these qualities important to me?

Checklist vs. value list

Her relationship coach was able to guide her to the values that were leading her to make these conclusions about potential partners. For example, she learned that it wasn’t really that important that her partner owned a Rolex, drove a Maserati, or was over six feet tall. What was more important was that she felt safe and protected by her partner. She liked the sensation of looking up to her partner and knowing that he was strong, masculine, and capable. She also realized that qualities like a large salary, education, clothing style, or other outward signs of wealth played into this, too. For Jessica, these were signals of a partner being able to provide both physically and financially for her and their family. She realized it was also important that her partner be respected by her social circle and within their community.

In that case, Jessica was able to reverse her requirements. Although quick, obvious physical indicators might seem like compatibility give-aways, they don’t allow you to see the person within.

In Jessica’s case, she was able to switch out the superficial requirements on her checklist for qualities that honored her core values. She no longer looks for what kind of car her date drives, or whether or not his clothes are designer. Now, when she’s getting to know someone, she refers to a value list, not a checklist.

Her value list looks something like this:

  • He is hardworking
  • He is financially responsible
  • He is a man of his word
  • He is a family man
  • He provides for those he loves

If you’d like to try this, start by listing out all your checklist requirements on a piece of paper. Then, go through each item and ask yourself why that quality is important to you. Try to replace more superficial qualities with values that are deeply important to you and your relationship.

Leave room for love

Whether you decide to date with a checklist, value list, or no list at all—it’s important to leave some room for love. While strict standards make it easier to find a partner who looks good on paper, that doesn’t guarantee you’ll feel a romantic connection with them. Love is found in the wiggle room—so remember to date with an open heart.

Freshening up your dating checklist is easier said than done. If your spring cleaning routine includes reevaluating your values, why not let a professional lend a helping hand? Our expert dating coaches support clients throughout all stages of their dating journeys. Just like Jessica, coaches help their clients with topics like identifying core values, how to attract quality partners, and so much more.

Coaching is one of the surest ways to reach your dating potential. If you want to find the right person and be the right person, too, contact us about coaching today.


a couple with a large age gap

Dating with a Difference in Age: Does it Really Matter?

Does a difference in age make a relationship different?

Well, it depends on whom you ask.

For most outsiders, relationships with significant age differences tend to raise eyebrows. However, for many couples, the fear of judgment isn’t enough to wane true love.

Amongst celebrities, age gap relationships are quite normalized. George and Amal Clooney, for example, share a 17 year age difference; Jay-Z is 12 years senior to his wife, Beyoncé; and Catherine Zeta-Jones is famously 25 years younger than her husband, Michael Douglas.

With so many examples of age-gap success stories, dating with a difference in age can’t be that bad, right?

Well, for most couples, dating with a significant difference in age can be tricky.

Want to know the age-gap impact on the quality and longevity of a relationship? Let’s break it down.

The numbers game

Is age really just a number?

For many couples, a few years’ difference is nothing out of the ordinary. Approximately 8.5 percent of the population is comprised of couples with an age gap ranging from 5 to 15 years.

If it seems like the age difference usually yields towards an older man with a younger woman, that’s because it’s true. Statistically, male partners take the lead in the age department. Only 1.3 percent of couples are composed of an older woman with a younger man.

Some theories make sense of this gendered phenomenon by looking back at our ancestors. The theory goes that, by the time the female partner reaches her prime reproductive years, she is naturally more attracted to a man who has accumulated the status and resources necessary to support a family. That takes some time.

Many studies show that singles tend to be generally open-minded about age differences when it comes to their own relationship preferences. At least, to a certain degree. However, it becomes much easier to pass judgment when it comes to other people’s relationships.

Research shows that society tends to object to couples with an obvious difference in age. Well-meaning or not, disapproval from friends and family members often causes age-gap couples to feel isolated and misunderstood.

Mind the Gap

At what point does an age difference become too different?

Most researchers agree that an "age gap" relationship is when one partner is at least 10 years older than the other.

According to one study, age-gap couples report higher levels of dissatisfaction within their relationship. The larger the age gap, the more likely the couple is to divorce. Often, breakups between these couples can be traced back to their age imbalance.

Does that mean age-gap relationships are doomed to fail? Definitively not. But, if you’re dating with a difference in age, you’ll likely face unique challenges that could be avoided by pursuing someone within your own generation.

Cultural differences

Couples born in different generations tend to have an equally as different frame of reference on reality. This goes for everything from world views to inside jokes.

The larger the age difference between two partners, the less likely it is that they will understand the nuances of each other’s generation. Things like pop culture references, life experiences, and hobbies are often distinct to one’s generation.

Younger partners might also have more progressive views about society, politics, and relationship values. They might consider older partner’s opinion’s to be too traditional or constricting.

While these things may seem like small differences, couples who cannot connect on a cultural level may find it harder to find common ground throughout their relationship.

Powertrip

They say time is money, and often that stays true when one partner is older in a relationship.

Along with life experience, older partners tend to have more financial means than younger partners.

At the beginning of a relationship, having a partner who can take care of you both financially and emotionally might feel great. Eventually, however, the relationship can turn into a dynamic that feels controlling to the other partner.

A gap in both wealth and age can create an exponential difference in power within a relationship. An older partner could use their financial superiority to exert control over a significantly younger spouse. This would cause tension in the relationship and make one partner experience the conflicting feelings of both dependency and resentment towards the other.

Sweetheart or sugar daddy?

One of the reasons relationship age differences remain such a cultural taboo is due to the “gold-digger” stereotype. These relationships are viewed as more transactional, with one partner seeking out the other more for their money than their love.

Cliche? Yes. But, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t really happen.

Some statistics point towards a disproportionate shift in older, wealthy married men to younger women. While it’s impossible to judge the motivations for each partner, it’s something worth thinking about before rushing into commitment with someone much younger.

Of course, not every relationship with a significant age difference is predatory. Sometimes, the worst exploitation can happen between peers. However, couples that share a big difference in age should keep an eye out for red flags.

Life stages

When it comes to planning for the future with your partner, it’s important that you two are on the same page. This becomes difficult if you two are in two completely different stages of your lives.

For example, a younger partner might be entering into a relationship with the expectation of getting married, having children, and starting a family with their partner. If their partner is significantly older, it’s possible that they’ve already experienced these things with a previous relationship, and not want to have more children or risk going through another divorce.

On the other hand, an older partner might want marriage and kids, but feel like their biological clock is ticking. Sensing that they are running out of time, they might unknowingly pressure their partner to commit or have children before they are ready.

The closer the better

Is any gap acceptable?

Studies show that the closer a couple is in age, the better. Couples who are within a three year age difference reported higher levels of satisfaction with their partners, and stayed together longer than those with a ten year gap or more.

Still considering an age-gap relationship? Ask yourself: Is this a long-term relationship? Do we share the same long-term goals? Do we agree about whether or not we want children? Do we have the support of our friends and family?

If you answered ‘no’ to one or more of these questions, the difference in age might just be the make or break factor in your relationship.


classy lady thinking

How to Tell People You’re Working with a Matchmaker

When Jill’s matchmaker introduced her to Mike, she couldn’t help but believe she had finally found The One. Not only was he incredibly handsome–but he was kind, funny, and called when he said he would. In Jill’s mind, Mike was perfect in every way.

The only problem? One pesky question that kept coming up every time she talked about him to her friends.

“So, how did you guys meet?”

Jill hated the question. She wasn’t a liar, but she wasn’t necessarily ready to share the truth either.

Although she loved Mike, it made her anxious to imagine her entire social circle knowing that she had hired a matchmaker.

Doubts swirled through her mind: What will they think of me? Will they judge me for not finding love on my own? Will they laugh at me behind my back?

The matchmaking stigma

There are lots of myths regarding professional matchmaking memberships. One of the biggest is that these services are only for those unable to find love on their own. That, obviously, couldn’t be further from the truth. People seek out matchmakers out of frustration, not desperation.

At its core, matchmaking is about taking control of your love life. Those who seek out matchmakers realize that it is the best way to save time, energy, and money while dating. Most importantly, matchmaking is the surest way to find real, lasting love in the modern dating market.

Despite finding positive results from matchmaking, many members continue to feel shame about using any sort of dating service. They might experience enormous success with their matchmaker yet feel like they’re holding a dirty secret from everyone else in their life!

It can be incredibly embarrassing, then, when a friend or family member asks about the origins of your relationship and you don’t know how to respond.

It’s important to remember that matchmaking is nothing to be ashamed about. Dating should be a happy experience that is free from any fear of judgment from others.

However, when the feelings persist, it’s helpful to know how to respond to curious friends.

How to answer the “How did you meet?” question

“So, how did you two meet?”

If that question makes you stop in your tracks, don’t stress. Thankfully, there are several ways to approach the subject–and it doesn’t always mean sharing all the intimate details of your private life.

If you’re asked about your relationship and you don’t know how to answer, here are a few fool-proof ideas of what to say.

Keep it vague

If the idea of telling friends and family that you are working with a matchmaker makes you want to hide in the corner, don’t worry. You’re not alone. Many clients prefer to keep things discrete, especially during the early stages of their dating journey.

Here are some responses that are so general, they’re guaranteed not to raise eyebrows.

“A friend in common introduced us. We’ve been inseparable ever since!”

To make it all sound even more casual, you can even name-drop your matchmaker! Matchmaking is something that’s gone on among friends since the dawn of time. By mentioning that a “friend” set you up, you’re able to authentically tell your story while avoiding unnecessary curiosity.

“We met through our mutual friend, Marie! She kept telling us that we’d be a great fit for each other. Finally, she set us up on a blind date. Turns out, she was right!”

“Our friend, Marie, introduced us! She’s a natural matchmaker.”

With these answers, you technically won’t be lying, either.

If you’re not ready to tell the whole truth, or you just don’t feel like getting into it at the moment, there’s no issue with keeping things vague. Honestly, your love life is no one’s business but you and your partner’s.

Short and sweet

Some clients tend to think that, because matchmaking is such a unique way to meet someone, they need to tell everyone that asks all the nitty-gritty details about their experience. Take the pressure off yourself–and the conversation–by just saying it how it is.

“We met through a matchmaker.”

The fact that you met your significant other in a unique way does not mean that you have to overexplain your story every time someone asks. Often the question “how did you meet?” is nothing more than a friendly conversation starter. It doesn’t necessarily indicate deep interest on the part of the asker. By just saying the bare minimum, you not only normalize your experience but avoid risking overwhelming the listener with details for which they didn’t ask.

Those who do want to know more about your story will ask. If that happens, don’t assume they are judging you. Sometimes, people will ask more questions just for the sake of keeping the conversation flowing. Assume their interest is purely curious and not out of a place of negativity.

At that point, feel free to elaborate–but don’t feel pressured to go into depth about your entire story. Only say what you’re comfortable saying and nothing more.

Embrace the originality

So what you didn’t meet your significant other in college, at work, or through mutual friends? You’re too original for that!

While meeting people the old-fashioned way tends to be the most socially acceptable way to find love, it doesn’t make for a very interesting story. Embrace your originality being forthright about working with a matchmaker.

The best part is, you don’t have to wait until you’ve found love to tell them! The fact that you’re trying something new is something of which to be proud. Sharing your progress with others might encourage them to take more risks in their love life, too.

Own your matchmaking experience with openness. Here are some ideas of what you could say to others even before you’re asked:

“Hey, did you know I started working with a matchmaker? I’ve already got my first date lined up next week!”

“I have to tell you about this guy my matchmaker set me up with! He’s so handsome and we really hit it off on our date. My matchmaker really knows what she’s doing.”

Matchmaking is a privilege and something that not everybody can afford. It’s also sort of a love-life power move. Make it clear that you were willing to invest for the best with these responses:

“I can’t afford to waste any time on guys who aren’t in my league. My matchmaker ensures that all of my dates are actually qualified to be with me.”

“There are so many women who just want me for my money. Working with a matchmaker is the safest way for a man in my position to date.”

These answers show that you are confident in your decision, that you take love very seriously in your life, and that your time is too important to waste. People will likely want to know more about you and what led you to this decision.

Even if all it took was your matchmaker making a simple introduction, the fact that you meet your significant through a matchmaker is unique in its own right.

So, if you’re out with friends and you sense the conversation coming to a lull, remember that you’ve got something special up your sleeve that makes your love story instantly more intriguing. Channel your inner Bonnie Raitt and give ‘em something to talk about!

Trust yourself

At the end of the day, you joined a matchmaking service for a reason. No, not because you were desperate or weren’t capable of finding love on your own. It was because you knew in your heart that matchmaking was the surest, simplest method to find your ideal match.

You know what’s best for you and your life. So, don’t worry about the opinions of others. Remember to trust yourself and your decisions.

Once you finally meet that special someone, you’ll know that what’s most important isn’t how you met, but that you’re together now.


Anxious Attachment Style and Valentine’s Day

Just like the people that celebrate them, each holiday is unique. They have their own style, if you will.

For example, no holiday does family fun and seasonal cheer better than Christmas. With everyone decked out in diamonds and pearls, New Year’s Eve consistently steals the show as best-dressed. With enough leprechauns and pints of beer, St. Patrick’s Day gets us to see green every year. While Easter’s bunny-shaped chocolates give it a run for its money, Thanksgiving takes the cake as the most food-friendly holiday on the calendar.

With their own individual charms, these holidays are something we can look forward to throughout the year. Although different, they are equally sweet–filling us with feelings of familiarity, fun, and security.

But, what about the holidays who’s trademark style makes us shiver with fear and anxiety? One of them is the most horrific of all.

No, it’s not Halloween.

For any of our insecurely-attached readers out there, you’ll agree. The scariest holiday is, without a doubt, Valentine’s Day.

Unlike Halloween–a holiday in which you assume a mask and pretend to be somebody else–Valentine’s Day is all about vulnerability. There’s not much scarier than the idea of stripping your emotional soul naked to embrace the oceanic vastness of your partner’s essence.

No matter the attachment style, this can be tricky territory for most people. For insecurely-attached folks, it feels tsunami-level impossible.

Need some help navigating the emotional storm that is Valentine’s Day? Here’s our go-to guide to getting through the annual holiday of love.

Breaking down Attachment Theory

Our attachment style, the way in which we interact with, and build relationships with others, can have a huge impact on our dating lives. Although psychologists are still studying the nuances of attachment theory, it’s widely agreed that attachment style is the result of learned behaviors picked up throughout our early formative years.

The main types of attachment styles are secure and insecure attachment. Insecure attachment can be broken down into three, more specific categories: anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. For this article, we’re focusing on our anxious amigos, but, more on that later.

To put it simply, children who grew up in consistent and emotionally-supportive households tend to have secure attachment styles. This is not to say that their lives were without hardships, but that their caregivers were considered a safe haven growing up, and typically not a source of their stress to their children.

On the other hand, children that were raised by a caregiver that was either inconsistent or abusive tend to grow into adults with insecure attachment. The anxiety felt throughout their childhood made it difficult for them to learn how to self-regulate or trust others.

Adults who continue to struggle with insecure attachment are likely dealing with the same coping methods that they learned as young children and strengthened throughout adolescence.

Your Attachment Style on Valentine’s Day

If you grew up in constant survival mode, occasions like Valentine’s Day can definitely trigger your defenses.

To make matters worse, those with anxious attachment styles tend to attract romantic partners with who are avoidantly-attached. While two is normally better than one, two partners with insecure attachments can be a source of emotional chaos in a relationship.

I know, all of this is sounding pretty grim.

The good news? No one is born with attachment style flowing through their bloodstream. That means with enough awareness and education, we each have the power to switch up our style.

If you’re noticing your attitude towards Valentine’s Day is particularly nervous or bitter, it might be time to examine how your attachment style might be coming into play.

Remember those three categories of insecure-attachment mentioned earlier? Now that we understand how attachment is formed, let’s take a closer look at how the individual attachment styles manifest within our dating lives.

Anxious Attachment

Have romantic partners ever called you overly needy, jealous, or emotional?

When you’re in a relationship, do you find it difficult to focus on the other aspects in your life?

Do you feel insecure without the constant reassurance from your partners?

Is it difficult for you to trust?

Do you often ‘lose yourself’ in relationships? Or easily fall into codependency?

If you’ve answered yes, you might have an anxious attachment style.

But, don’t worry–you’re not alone. Some studies estimate that, in the United States, nearly 40 percent of the population experiences some form of insecure attachment.

Low in avoidance and high in anxiety, anxiously-attached partners can come across as clingy, or emotionally dependent, on their partners. So accustomed to the inconsistency of their childhoods, anxious-attachment styles manifest in adulthood through an attraction to dramatic, inconsistent, and sometimes toxic relationships.

Anxiously-attached people sometimes find it difficult to trust their partners and experience intense feelings of jealousy. At their worst, this might lead to controlling behavior–like keeping tabs on their partner’s whereabouts or monitoring their texts.

More than anything, the anxiously-attached partner fears being abandoned in the relationship. They will do almost anything to maintain their relationship. For them, the fear of losing their relationship outweighs the fear of losing themself.

Be my (securely-attached) Valentine?

Being in a relationship as an anxiously-attached partner is already scary enough–add in the holiday of love, and the stress can rise through the roof. What might seem like the perfect opportunity to express your unyielding affections for your partner, could quickly turn into a disastrous date of disappointment.

In order to feel secure, the anxiously-attached partner needs to sense that they are both emotionally and physically close with their partner. However, as mentioned earlier, if existing in a relationship as an anxious-attacher wasn’t tricky enough, there’s one more thing. They tend to find themselves in relationships with their insecurely-attached opposite–the avoidantly-attached.

The avoidant-dismissive attachment style is characterized by avoiding closeness in relationships. The complete antithesis of the anxious-attacher, avoidantly-attached partners prioritize independence, rejecting the idea of relying on others or having others rely on them.

If you’re anxiously-attached and in a relationship with an avoidantly-attached partner, you might be feeling a heightened sense of pressure to connect as Valentine’s Day approaches.

It’s true that Valentine’s Day is portrayed to be a grandiose celebration of love. However, it’s important to remember that, at the end of the day, it's just another day. If your Valentine’s Day date does not turn out exactly as you imagined, that does not mean that your partner doesn’t love you. It’s important to keep perspective and not let any passing insecurities overwhelm you.

Feeling particularly anxious this Valentine’s Day? Here’s some tips to help you tap into your secure side and find some peace of mind:

Research: Learn about both you and your partner’s attachment styles. Ask your partner to join in the research, too. With enough knowledge, you two can better understand each other and work towards building a healthy bond.

Keep a journal: One of the best ways to clear your mind is write your thoughts down on paper. This exercise is extremely useful for regulating emotions and keeping track of your triggers.

Seek out partners with secure attachment: The anxiously and avoidantly-attached have a thing for each other, it’s true. Down the line, however, their opposite dispositions tend to trigger toxic dynamics within their relationships. In order to grow as a partner, try to choose partners who exhibit traits of being securely-attached. Their security and stability will be just what your nervous system needs to relax within the relationship.

Practice mindfulness: When you’re feeling stressed, try to take a moment to practice mindfulness. Sometimes it can be as simple as removing yourself from a heated conversation to take a few deep breaths. Regularly engaging in mindfulness exercises can help to manage both your emotions and your anxiety.

Relationship coaching: Working with a dating coach has been proven to increase the odds of successfully choosing and keeping the right partner. At Executive Matchmakers, our entire coaching philosophy is backed by science, based on 30 years of research on real life couples. Each of our coaches are certified by the “Love Doctor,” herself, ​​research scientist and therapist, Dr. Terry Orbuck. The coaches at Executive Matchmakers are trained to offer more in-depth, specialized support, helping you to break free from insecure attachment, develop positive dating habits, and, ultimately, reach your highest relationship potential.

The Road Ahead

For an anxiously-attached partner, heading down the road of relationships can be a bit of a bumpy ride. But, it doesn’t have to be. If you know or suspect you have an anxious attachment, why not use Valentine’s Day as a way to face your fears? Although growing out of insecure attachment might seem like a freighting task, with enough motivation, patience, and support, you will reach your relationship goals. By recognizing your attachment patterns and examining your feelings, Valentine’s Day just might be worth celebrating, afterall.