Anxious Attachment Style and Valentine’s Day

Just like the people that celebrate them, each holiday is unique. They have their own style, if you will.

For example, no holiday does family fun and seasonal cheer better than Christmas. With everyone decked out in diamonds and pearls, New Year’s Eve consistently steals the show as best-dressed. With enough leprechauns and pints of beer, St. Patrick’s Day gets us to see green every year. While Easter’s bunny-shaped chocolates give it a run for its money, Thanksgiving takes the cake as the most food-friendly holiday on the calendar.

With their own individual charms, these holidays are something we can look forward to throughout the year. Although different, they are equally sweet–filling us with feelings of familiarity, fun, and security.

But, what about the holidays who’s trademark style makes us shiver with fear and anxiety? One of them is the most horrific of all.

No, it’s not Halloween.

For any of our insecurely-attached readers out there, you’ll agree. The scariest holiday is, without a doubt, Valentine’s Day.

Unlike Halloween–a holiday in which you assume a mask and pretend to be somebody else–Valentine’s Day is all about vulnerability. There’s not much scarier than the idea of stripping your emotional soul naked to embrace the oceanic vastness of your partner’s essence.

No matter the attachment style, this can be tricky territory for most people. For insecurely-attached folks, it feels tsunami-level impossible.

Need some help navigating the emotional storm that is Valentine’s Day? Here’s our go-to guide to getting through the annual holiday of love.

Breaking down Attachment Theory

Our attachment style, the way in which we interact with, and build relationships with others, can have a huge impact on our dating lives. Although psychologists are still studying the nuances of attachment theory, it’s widely agreed that attachment style is the result of learned behaviors picked up throughout our early formative years.

The main types of attachment styles are secure and insecure attachment. Insecure attachment can be broken down into three, more specific categories: anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. For this article, we’re focusing on our anxious amigos, but, more on that later.

To put it simply, children who grew up in consistent and emotionally-supportive households tend to have secure attachment styles. This is not to say that their lives were without hardships, but that their caregivers were considered a safe haven growing up, and typically not a source of their stress to their children.

On the other hand, children that were raised by a caregiver that was either inconsistent or abusive tend to grow into adults with insecure attachment. The anxiety felt throughout their childhood made it difficult for them to learn how to self-regulate or trust others.

Adults who continue to struggle with insecure attachment are likely dealing with the same coping methods that they learned as young children and strengthened throughout adolescence.

Your Attachment Style on Valentine’s Day

If you grew up in constant survival mode, occasions like Valentine’s Day can definitely trigger your defenses.

To make matters worse, those with anxious attachment styles tend to attract romantic partners with who are avoidantly-attached. While two is normally better than one, two partners with insecure attachments can be a source of emotional chaos in a relationship.

I know, all of this is sounding pretty grim.

The good news? No one is born with attachment style flowing through their bloodstream. That means with enough awareness and education, we each have the power to switch up our style.

If you’re noticing your attitude towards Valentine’s Day is particularly nervous or bitter, it might be time to examine how your attachment style might be coming into play.

Remember those three categories of insecure-attachment mentioned earlier? Now that we understand how attachment is formed, let’s take a closer look at how the individual attachment styles manifest within our dating lives.

Anxious Attachment

Have romantic partners ever called you overly needy, jealous, or emotional?

When you’re in a relationship, do you find it difficult to focus on the other aspects in your life?

Do you feel insecure without the constant reassurance from your partners?

Is it difficult for you to trust?

Do you often ‘lose yourself’ in relationships? Or easily fall into codependency?

If you’ve answered yes, you might have an anxious attachment style.

But, don’t worry–you’re not alone. Some studies estimate that, in the United States, nearly 40 percent of the population experiences some form of insecure attachment.

Low in avoidance and high in anxiety, anxiously-attached partners can come across as clingy, or emotionally dependent, on their partners. So accustomed to the inconsistency of their childhoods, anxious-attachment styles manifest in adulthood through an attraction to dramatic, inconsistent, and sometimes toxic relationships.

Anxiously-attached people sometimes find it difficult to trust their partners and experience intense feelings of jealousy. At their worst, this might lead to controlling behavior–like keeping tabs on their partner’s whereabouts or monitoring their texts.

More than anything, the anxiously-attached partner fears being abandoned in the relationship. They will do almost anything to maintain their relationship. For them, the fear of losing their relationship outweighs the fear of losing themself.

Be my (securely-attached) Valentine?

Being in a relationship as an anxiously-attached partner is already scary enough–add in the holiday of love, and the stress can rise through the roof. What might seem like the perfect opportunity to express your unyielding affections for your partner, could quickly turn into a disastrous date of disappointment.

In order to feel secure, the anxiously-attached partner needs to sense that they are both emotionally and physically close with their partner. However, as mentioned earlier, if existing in a relationship as an anxious-attacher wasn’t tricky enough, there’s one more thing. They tend to find themselves in relationships with their insecurely-attached opposite–the avoidantly-attached.

The avoidant-dismissive attachment style is characterized by avoiding closeness in relationships. The complete antithesis of the anxious-attacher, avoidantly-attached partners prioritize independence, rejecting the idea of relying on others or having others rely on them.

If you’re anxiously-attached and in a relationship with an avoidantly-attached partner, you might be feeling a heightened sense of pressure to connect as Valentine’s Day approaches.

It’s true that Valentine’s Day is portrayed to be a grandiose celebration of love. However, it’s important to remember that, at the end of the day, it's just another day. If your Valentine’s Day date does not turn out exactly as you imagined, that does not mean that your partner doesn’t love you. It’s important to keep perspective and not let any passing insecurities overwhelm you.

Feeling particularly anxious this Valentine’s Day? Here’s some tips to help you tap into your secure side and find some peace of mind:

Research: Learn about both you and your partner’s attachment styles. Ask your partner to join in the research, too. With enough knowledge, you two can better understand each other and work towards building a healthy bond.

Keep a journal: One of the best ways to clear your mind is write your thoughts down on paper. This exercise is extremely useful for regulating emotions and keeping track of your triggers.

Seek out partners with secure attachment: The anxiously and avoidantly-attached have a thing for each other, it’s true. Down the line, however, their opposite dispositions tend to trigger toxic dynamics within their relationships. In order to grow as a partner, try to choose partners who exhibit traits of being securely-attached. Their security and stability will be just what your nervous system needs to relax within the relationship.

Practice mindfulness: When you’re feeling stressed, try to take a moment to practice mindfulness. Sometimes it can be as simple as removing yourself from a heated conversation to take a few deep breaths. Regularly engaging in mindfulness exercises can help to manage both your emotions and your anxiety.

Relationship coaching: Working with a dating coach has been proven to increase the odds of successfully choosing and keeping the right partner. At Executive Matchmakers, our entire coaching philosophy is backed by science, based on 30 years of research on real life couples. Each of our coaches are certified by the “Love Doctor,” herself, ​​research scientist and therapist, Dr. Terry Orbuck. The coaches at Executive Matchmakers are trained to offer more in-depth, specialized support, helping you to break free from insecure attachment, develop positive dating habits, and, ultimately, reach your highest relationship potential.

The Road Ahead

For an anxiously-attached partner, heading down the road of relationships can be a bit of a bumpy ride. But, it doesn’t have to be. If you know or suspect you have an anxious attachment, why not use Valentine’s Day as a way to face your fears? Although growing out of insecure attachment might seem like a freighting task, with enough motivation, patience, and support, you will reach your relationship goals. By recognizing your attachment patterns and examining your feelings, Valentine’s Day just might be worth celebrating, afterall.


Defining the Relationship for Valentine’s Day—Quiz!

February is here, love is in the air, and Valentine’s day is on its way.

Whether it be with a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of champagne, or a box of heart-shaped chocolates, this annual celebration of love presents the perfect opportunity to express your feelings for the special someone in your life.

But, what if you and that special someone are still unclear on your shared relationship status?

There comes a point in any long-term relationship that you and your partner must define the relationship (DTR). This conversation can mean making things exclusive between the two of you, continuing dating casually, or maybe just to keep hanging out just as friends—anything else that fits how you both feel.

What's important is that it's openly communicated between each partner and that the feelings are mutually shared.

Approaching the “What-Are-We?” topic is never a particularly fun conversation to have. In the back of your mind lurks the possibility of them feeling differently, wanting to take things slower, or rush things too soon.

rosesWhile just the idea of DTR can be a bit anxiety-inducing, openly expressing your feelings to your partner is one of the most important and necessary aspects in any relationship.

Just as important, however, is knowing when to do so.

If you DTR too soon, you risk looking overly eager. Too late, and you appear uninterested and commitment-avoidant.

Thankfully, for all those undefined daters out there, on the horizon comes a virtually risk-free opportunity to DTR.

Valentine’s Day is designed for lovers to share their feelings for each other, making it the perfect time to establish “What We Are.”

If you’re looking for the perfect opportunity to make things official between you and your boo, the holiday of love might just be it.

Yet, February 14th is coming up quick—so, time is of the essence.

If you and your partner have yet to have “the talk” before then, expect to find yourself in a situation even stickier than those caramel-filled candies you planned to share together.

Still figuring out your feelings for your Valentine? Take this simple quiz to find out whether or not to DTR this V Day!

 


Define Your Values for the New Year

Before the age of the internet, cell phones, and GPS, when lost explorers were in need of finding their way home, they turned to the compass.

Reliable, trustworthy, and ever-consistent, the compass still remains a vital navigation tool within any traveler’s journey.

In the journey of life and love, we are faced with many forks in the road. When making decisions, we must rely on our internal compass, our values, to show us the right way. Just like a compass leading a sailor safely to shore, when our lives feel like they’re going South, turning to our values will direct us back North.

What are values?

According to psychologist Barb Markway and Celia Ampel in The Self-Confidence Workbook, values “are the principles that give our lives meaning and allow us to persevere through adversity.”

Essentially, values are the things that we consider most important in our lives. Our values identify what kind of person we are, or at least, strive to be, while providing guidelines, or imperatives, for our actions.

All in all, values are the qualities that form the foundation for our decisions, and ultimately build the life of which we live.

However, actually honoring your values in everyday life is not always so easy–especially when entering into a relationship.

While we all naturally process intrinsic values—we learn them from our family, peers, and experiences—putting them into practice is a whole other thing.

As the new year comes upon us, now is the perfect opportunity to reflect on what we value most in our lives. Regularly questioning, defining, and redefining our values helps us to navigate the complications of love and dating, make decisions with ease, and accomplish our goals for the year ahead.

So, how do you know what your core values are? In honor of the new year and new resolutions, here are six steps to discover and practice your core values in life and in love.

Step 1: Brainstorm

Before defining a list of core qualities, it’s important to meditate and reflect on your actions in the real world.

Big or small—everyday we are faced with decisions. Without thinking, our intrinsic values tend to lead us one way or another.

A great way to hone in on your values is to reflect back on experiences when you felt happy, sad, or angry.

For example, think of the last time a romantic partner said something that really upset you. What did they say? What about it felt wrong? What was your reaction?

When have you felt disappointed in yourself or like you were a fraud? What behaviour led up to that?

What do you want to change about the world or about yourself?

Now, think of the things in your life that make you feel happiest.

When do you feel your best? With who? What are you most proud of? What’s important to you in life?

If you could have any career, without worrying about money or other practical constraints, what would you do?

These are just a few questions to get you started. Be sure to write your answers on a sheet of paper so you can look back on them and reflect. Your answers reveal the unique qualities that make you special, and show what you value most in your life.

Step 2: Create a list

Now, it’s time to take all that you’ve gathered from brainstorming and compile it into a simple list.

Review what you have written and see if any particular qualities stand out. For example, if finding a romantic partner is the most important thing in your life at the moment, you might mention “companionship” as one of your core values.

To make things simpler, here is a list of possible personal values from which you can choose. Try to be as specific as possible, and only choose the values that feel most authentic to you.

  • Achievement
  • Adventure
  • Beauty
  • Compassion
  • Connection
  • Courage
  • Creativity
  • Dependability
  • Health/Fitness
  • Honesty
  • Independence
  • Integrity
  • Intelligence
  • Justice
  • Kindness
  • Learning
  • Love
  • Loyalty
  • Peace
  • Security
  • Self-discipline
  • Simplicity
  • Sincerity
  • Spontaneity
  • Success
  • Wealth

Try to limit your list to only the values that truly resonate with you. If you’re having trouble, think about someone whose opinion you highly value. How do you hope they would describe you? Write those qualities down.

Step 3: Prioritize your personal values

After compiling a list, it’s important to order them by level of importance to you.

Why? Because ordering them will help to define what values are of highest priority to you.

A general list is a great start, but at some points in life, we will be faced with choosing one value over the other. For example, if your values include success, connection, kindness, and beauty, but your number one priority is connection, there may be times when beauty and success have to take a backseat.

By placing one quality at the very top of your list, you establish it as the most important value in your life. With it as your core value, you can build a routine designed for its success.

If you put ‘connection’ as a top value, you’ll know that carving out quality time for you and your partner should be your top priority–even if it means disconnecting from work sometimes. On the other hand, if ‘adventure’ is at the top, it might be a good idea to prioritize planning an exciting vacation in a country you’ve yet to explore.

Step 4: Put it to practice

Now that you’ve defined and prioritized your values, it’s time to put them into action. The first step is by letting your values design your goals.

If you were to zoom out and look at your life as it is now, could you say that you are living in harmony with the values you’ve defined for yourself now?

If not, don’t worry–you’re not alone. For a number of reasons, life has a way of diverging us from our values. What’s important is that you’re making the changes to get back on course.

Perhaps parts of your life are more in line with your values than others. For example, maybe your professional life aligns excellently with core values like success, wealth, or achievement.

But, what about outside of work? When it comes to your romantic or personal life, are you spending time on the things that matter most to you?

Now, it’s time to make a plan. Go back to your list and, for each value, write a small step you could take to honor that value within your life.

For example, if ‘beauty’ is important to you, some simple steps could be booking regular salon appointments, joining a gym, or making sure to get enough hours of sleep each night.

After writing action plans next to each value, the next step is to break them down into small, attainable goals. Start by setting daily objectives, then expand to weekly and monthly targets. By starting small and making gradual changes, you will be able to look back at the end of the year and see how far you’ve come.

Step 5: Set daily reminders

In order to reach your long-term goals, it’s important to dedicate a portion of each day to reflect on your values.

Although they seem small at the moment, the day-to-day decisions are what eventually define our personalities, futures, and ideals.

In order to stay on track, set daily reminders for yourself. Whether it be a sticky note on the fridge, a push notification on your phone, or a text from a supportive friend, make sure that everyday you are reminded of the reasons why you started this journey in the first place. Living within your value system means disconnecting from life on autopilot and taking ownership for the decisions you make. It’s not always easy—but, it’s worth it. By incorporating your values into your daily life, you will start living with intention, focus, and peace of mind.

So, stay on track with constant reminders. Every time that you express and incorporate your core values into your daily life, you will be actively working towards your goals.

Step 6: Remember to redefine

Whether your aim is to define your values professionally or personally, with enough time and dedication, you will see yourself, your relationships, and your life transform.

As you continue to continue to grow and incorporate your values, eventually you will accomplish the goal you originally set out to achieve.

When this happens, remember to reassess.

For example, maybe at the beginning of the year, your top values relate mostly towards your professional goals, prioritizing values like ‘work,’ ‘achievement,’ and ‘success.’ Then, after months of hard work, dedication, and living in harmony with your values, you achieved your professional goals.

After accomplishing milestones in your life, it’s time to reflect and reassess your current values.

While you will probably always value more or less the same qualities, it’s common that some values change in priority as we progress in life.

So, if after achieving all the professional success of which you’d ever dreamed of having, it’s possible you start to consider having someone with whom to share it all.

In that case, values like ‘work’ or ‘wealth’ might go lower in priority as values like ‘companionship’ and ‘love’ start to move up.

Take time to regularly reflect on the state of your life, and whether reassessing your values would be worthwhile. Doing so helps you stay on tract, allowing you to accomplish your goals quickly and with ease.

Know thy values, know thyself

By living in line with your core values, you communicate to others that you are confident in both yourself and the decisions you make. There is nothing more attractive than a partner who knows what they want.

If your goal for the new year is to find love, defining your values will make the process remarkably easier. Defining your values requires self-awareness—an important quality that, unfortunately, is not possessed by everybody. By knowing who you are, you will likewise know what you want in a partner, creating a clear vision of the relationship you want and deserve. Not only will you save time by dropping dates with incompatible suitors, but you’ll protect yourself from falling victim to becoming overpowered within a relationship.

Often, those who don’t have their values clearly defined end up looking to others for direction. Even with a perfect partner, this can be dangerous and lead to loss of self and codependency. However, this becomes dangerous when falling into a relationship with a narcissistic partner. There is nothing that a narcissist loves more than a partner who can’t stand up for themselves. Those that cannot define their values subconsciously let others define them for them. In the hands of a narcissist, someone guided by negative values, this makes easy grounds for manipulation and toxic behaviors.

Strong values, strong relationship

As we settle into the new year, it’s important to keep a clear focus on our goals, values, and how to live in harmony with them both. By defining our values and being mindful of them in our everyday life, we can make the changes to set this year apart from all the rest.

No matter your values, goals, or circumstances, building self-awareness and reflecting on your life will make you both a better partner and person.

Remember, if you ever feel lost in the journey of love or life, rely on your values like a compass. Focusing on your core values will always lead you the right way.


Mark Your Calendar! 5 Signs 2022 is Your Year for Love

New year, new me?

For many of us, 2022 means more than just buying a cute, new calendar to hang on the wall (although that’s always my favorite part). The new year represents renewal, a fresh start, and an opportunity to clearly set our intentions for the future–especially when it comes to finding love.

If your goal is to turn next year’s dates into a long, lasting relationship, it’s important to first get into the right mindset. In fact, studies show that when people feel ready for a relationship, their relationships are 25 percent less likely to end.

So, if you’re single and ready to mingle, 2022 might just be the year for you. Now’s the time to get relationship-ready and manifest all the good that’s waiting for you in the year to come.

Will 2022 be the year your relationship resolutions come true? Mark your calendar, because here are five signs it’s the right time for you to fall in love!

Your friends are involved

Have you ever heard the phrase “it takes a village?”

Apparently, kids aren’t the only ones who get by with a little help from their friends.

Experts say that our friends and community have a big influence on our likelihood of finding love. Singles with stable social lives are less distracted with feelings of loneliness, petty dramas, or low self-esteem. Friendships teach us how to show empathy with others, communicate our feelings, and how to loosen up for a good time.

Whether you’re quick to make friends, or more of a ‘friends-since-fifth-grade’ type, the ability to develop and maintain platonic relationships is a good indicator that love is on its way.

Even if your friends are less involved in your life than they used to be (I’m looking at you, Responsibilities of Adulthood), their absence acts as motivation for you to focus on finding love.

If all of your friends are married with families, that’s a sign that you’re going to be next!

You’re feeling better than ever

Feeling better than ever–or, at least, generally content with your life–is a great sign that you’re ready to let in some love.

After two years of lockdowns, illnesses, and other unexpected events that came with the pandemic, we can all agree that life is full of ups and downs. However, if you’re going through despair, remember that dating is not the cure–it’s a complication.

If you’re feeling depressed, heartbroken, or grieving a recent tragedy, now’s probably not the best time to be putting yourself out there. Starting a new relationship takes up a lot of time and energy–so give yourself time to heal before scheduling any new dates.

You’ll know you’re ready to get back out on the market when you feel happy, healthy, and more confident and cool than ever.

You’re new in town

Talk about a fresh start! Moving to a new city is a great time to get into the swing of things.

Oftentimes, singles find it difficult to meet new people after relocating. However, with the help of your matchmaker, this shouldn’t be a problem.

After meeting your dates, get the conversation going by letting them know you’re new in town. Most people will be more than happy to share their favorite sites with you. Plus, there’s no better way to get to know the city than through the guidance of an attractive local.

You’re looking forward to a big event

What have you got planned in your 2022 calendar? Need a plus-one for your best friend’s wedding? Booked a Spring Break cruise for two? Or, just bought a couple of concert tickets to see your favorite band back on tour?

Whatever big events might be coming up, use them as motivation to offset your relationship lethargy. Most big events call for a date, so it’s a perfect milestone to mark on the calendar.

To give you and your special guest enough time to break the ice, make sure to schedule in a couple of dates before the big day. That way, you’ll know each other enough to enjoy both the occasion as well as each other’s company.

It’s New Year’s Day

Last, but not least, the best indication that time is on your side is to reign in the new year with style! Although a New Year’s Eve party isn’t necessarily the best event for a first date, the day itself reminds us that time heals all. No matter what your past might be, time is marching forward, and so are you!

If you are lucky enough to meet your special someone on New Year’s, you have a great opportunity to deliver some Hollywood-level romance. As the clock strikes midnight, turn to your date and say: “I decided meeting you will be the first fantastic thing I’ll do for myself this year!”

Your Year for Love

So, will 2022 be the year to meet your new boo? If you can relate to the circumstances above, that’s a good sign that you’re ready to welcome love into your life.

Before you put yourself out there, be sure that you’re emotionally ready for all that a relationship entails. Are you ready to commit? Are you over your ex? Are you able to compromise when needed? Make sure you can confidently answer ‘yes’ to these questions before opening yourself up to a new partner.

Even if you meet the right person at just the right time, being emotionally ready for love is the make or break factor that will determine the health and longevity of your future relationships. Investing in yourself and your emotional readiness will ensure that the love you find in ‘22 will last for many New Year’s to come.

Remember that what’s meant for you will always find you. If you’re feeling secure, confident, and happier than ever, 2022 is sure to be your year for love.

If you’re ready to reach your relationship resolutions this year, we want to help you! Sign up today to make the most out of 2022.


The 2022 Holiday Gift Guide

What to Get Someone Who Already Has it All

Every winter, Christmas comes and goes. But, for those dating in December, there’s one pesky question that stays evergreen: What should I get for the one most special to me?

Gift-giving is never easy. But, if your significant other seems to already have all they could ever wish for, the pressure to impress can feel downright impossible.

Those who “have it all” tend to agree that their most meaningful presents usually weren’t the most expensive. They were great, however, because they were given with love.

Worried you’ll need a Christmas miracle to pull off the perfect gift for your partner? Here’s our guide for giving to someone who already has it all.

The Thought That Counts

When done thoughtfully, a good gift can express your affection, what your partner means to you, and how you hope for their happiness--not just during the holidays--but all year long.

That, and a test on how well you know the receiver’s tastes and desires.

Don’t let this overwhelm you. But, if you really want your gift to wow your partner, it’s important to put some extra thought into it.

Before buying, ask yourself:

  • What are their interests, hobbies, or passions?
  • How have they been feeling lately? 
  • What feelings about our relationship do I want to express to them?

Think of your gift as a symbol to communicate both your character and your care to your partner. Imagine how your honey will feel when they recieve and experience your gift. Subconsciously or not, they will associate those feelings with you. So, before buying a gift, consider what it could say about you and your relationship.

Gifts That Keep On Giving

Still not sure what to put under the Christmas tree for your special someone this year?

Let this be your little helper. To get in the giving mood, we’ve come up with some ideas that would make even the most adorned holiday-honey happy. Check out these three gift categories and what giving from them would mean for your relationship.

Something Collectable

Is your cutie a collector? Find out what your love interest loves and contribute. Whether it’s as niche as adding another rare coin to their collection, or simply finding another fine wine to add to their cellar, your special someone is sure to appreciate the gesture.

What this gift means for your relationship: You pay attention to the details, genuinely care about your partner's interests, and love them for their authentic selves. You acknowledge all the time, money, and energy they’ve put into growing their collection. By adding to it, you prove that you value their passions, even when others might not. They will feel seen, validated, and confident that you’re someone who understands them like no one else before.

Love Actually meets Breakfast at Tiffany’s! If you’re looking for a sparkling collector’s item with Hollywood-level romance, go for fine jewelry. Make the experience extraordinary by going together to pick out their special piece. Along with saving you from the headache of a gemstone guessing game, it will attach a romantic memory to the piece that your partner will remember forever!

 

Fellas, if you’ve found yourself a fashionista, you already know she’s got a soft spot for a good designer handbag.

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If you want to help her step out in style, and cement you as the best boyfriend of all time, look no further than the iconic Hermès Birkin bag. With this legendary leather luxury as your gift, your leading lady is sure to love both it and you.

 

If you’re in the market for something more heartfelt, it might be time to put pen to paper. Wiggle your way into the heart of your favorite literature-lover by contributing to their favorite collection:

 

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Find an original edition of their favorite fiction or, if you’re feeling creative, write your own! Pour out your heart to them in poem and prose. By retelling your relationship’s epic love story from your perspective, you’ll get to express your feelings for them in a way that truly touches their heart. Filled with love from front to back, there’s no way they’ll be able to put it down.

Something for Sleeping

After a long, hard day, there’s nothing better than slipping into a set of cozy pajamas and snuggling up in bed. For a gift that’s comforting, sensuous, and just a bit luxurious, bedtime accessories are the way to go.

What this gift means for your relationship: Secure, sensitive, and fluent in body language, your presence in your lover’s life is like a plush pillow after a long day’s work. Even if you can’t be snuggled up with your sweetie each night, you love to imagine them enjoying your gift and thinking about you as they turn off the lights.

What are the best bedtime accessories for your babe? Glad you asked.

Keep things flirty yet cool with washable silk pajamas.

 

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If you’re buying a gift for a new partner, you can’t go wrong with this one. Unlike other gifts that only appeal to particular interests, everyone appreciates a good set of comfy clothes--making it a great gift for someone whose tastes you’re still getting to know. Plus, the smooth silk fabric makes for a subtly sexy twist to this classic holiday gift.

Feeling a bit naughty? For sentimentality’s sake, avoid giving your partner something overtly sexual (save that for Valentine’s). However, if you’d like to give a gift that’s nice with just a dash of spice, look no further than between the sheets.

Temperature regulated and proven to be cooler than other fabrics like cotton or silk, bamboo bedding is perfect for when things heat up between you and your lover.

 

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Does your holiday honey find it hard to take a break? A sleep kit is the perfect gift for your workaholic partner. Sleep kits have a little bit of everything--typically including items like essential oils, bath bubbles, and eye masks.

 

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Whether they’re an on-the-go jet-setter, or a parent pulled in all directions, this gift will show that someone as special and in-demand as they are still deserves a little TLC.

Something to Experience

Just like love, experiences are intangible, at times, life-changing, and very real. If you’re shopping for someone who truly has it all, an experience might be the best bet for a mind-blowing holiday .

What it says about your relationship: Making memories with your partner is more valuable than any material thing money could buy. Depending on the nature of the experience, your partner could view you as thoughtful, exciting, or spontaneous. Gifts come and go, but the way the experience made them feel will remain in their hearts forever.

If you’re dating a live-show lover, you’ve got to go big or go home. For the football fanatic, snatch some 50 yard line tickets for their favorite team. Pull some strings to let your cutie meet the players after the big game. Not possible? Make it special by booking a suite and inviting their favorite fellow fans to cheer along with their favorite couple.

If music is more your partner’s thing, find out their favorite band or artist and book the best seats in the house. If they’re not currently touring in your town, don’t worry--book ahead to a venue in a city that your partner loves and make a special vacation out of it. Bonus points if you can grab some backstage passes.

 

When your gift is an experience, make sure that the experience you choose is truly special. Don’t decide on something that you would probably do otherwise. It’s best to add a dose of adventure.

If you’re looking for something incredibly romantic and unforgettable, hosting your partner on a hot air balloon ride is hard to beat. With a bit of wine, cuddles, and some stunning sunset views, this gift is sure to put your partner on cloud nine.

 

 

For those with a need for speed and seeking more of an adrenaline rush, find a local rental car service for vintage, luxury, or race cars and go hit the road. With the wind in their hair and you in the passenger seat, you’ll turn a racer’s dream into a romantic reality they could have never imagined!

 

 

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Presentation Is Everything

Whether it’s a set of silk pajamas or a pair of backstage passes, make sure you present your gift with some special flair.

Part of the joy in both gift giving and receiving is the physical nature of it—the anticipation while slowly unwrapping, and the surprised smile upon seeing what’s within.

So, don’t be afraid to be bold with your delivery! If you’re nervous, remember that your partner is probably feeling the same. As long as your gift comes from the heart, it really is the thought that counts.


Couple Traveling Together on Private Jet

Traveling Together For the First Time

Experiencing new things together—places, food, art, culture, anything can help solidify the bond you have already created. Traveling together, sharing experiences, romantic moments, getting away from the daily grind—all of these things cause your brain to release the happy hormones.

But we’ve all heard disaster stories of couples who broke up in every country on their European trip or fought their way across the Caribbean islands. How do you keep your romantic rendezvous from being a trip of terror?

Set Your Expectations

Everyone envisions a romantic vacation with magical sunsets and earth-shattering sex, but setting expectations unrealistically high, leads to definite disappointment.

Together, discuss the plans of your trip and what you both want to get out of it. Compromise where you can, and carve out alone time where you can’t. 

  • You prefer the snowy mountains, but your partner wants a tropical paradise.
  • You like to plan out the itinerary, but your partner prefers to wander.
  • Your partner wants to relax, but you want to pack as many activities in as possible.
  • You want to wake up early and see the sights, but your partner is still hungover.
  • Your partner wants to get to the airport 3 hours early, but you’re TSA PreCheck.

How will you communicate with each other and navigate these challenges? Like most good things, if you do a little bit of work up-front before packing your bags, your trip is likely to go a lot smoother. 

You Can Learn a Lot by Traveling Together

When researching and preparing for this blog I read an article that said traveling together gives you a glimpse into what it would be like to live with the other person. This can be true to an extent, but I caution you to use this as your main frame of reference.

I know personally, I’m a neat freak. But when I’m on vacation, I’m an entirely different person. People often modify their behavior when they’re on vacation. They try new activities, eat exotic foods, drink more than usual, and some of us allow our suitcases to explode throughout the room. 

Traveling together is stressful, so think of this as an opportunity to see how your partner deals with discomfort and anxiety.

  • How does she handle it when things don’t go according to plan?
  • What does she do when the airline loses her luggage or you miss a flight?
  • How does she treat hotel staff, airline personnel, locals, etc.?
  • Does she get grumpy when she’s jet lagged and hungry?
  • How does she handle language barriers?
  • Is she flexible and patient or unmoving and demanding?

You can also learn things like what her routines look like; is she a morning or night person? How long does she take to get ready? Do you agree on the temperature in the room? These may sound like silly things, but ask any couple who has been married for decades and they’ll tell you the small things add up!


3 Ladies Discuss Womens Intuition

The Science Behind Women’s Intuition

In honor of International Women’s Day, we’re going to take a look into the science of an age old phenomenon—women’s intuition.

Even the CIA knows women make better spies.

Okay, ladies, now let’s get in formation.

The British Journal of Psychology defined intuition as: what happens when the brain draws on past experiences and external cues to make a decision—but it happens so fast that the reaction is at an unconscious level.

Another definition is our brain’s ability to draw on internal and external cues while making rapid, in-the-moment decisions. Often occurring subconsciously, intuition relies on our brain’s ability to instantaneously evaluate the situation and make a decision based on gut-instincts.

Judith Orloff, MD, is the assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA and the author of Guide to Intuitive Healing: Five Steps to Physical, Emotional, and Sexual Wellness. She said the following:

Just like the brain, there are neurotransmitters in the gut that can respond to environmental stimuli and emotions in the now—it's not just about past experiences. When those neurotransmitters fire, you may feel the sensation of butterflies or uneasiness in your stomach. Researchers theorize that gut-instinct plays a large role in intuition by sending signals to your brain. I teach my patients to always listen to their gut—that sixth sense that's telling you something might not be right—particularly if you're sensing danger. If you listen to it and you're wrong, you've lost nothing. Perhaps you took a longer route home or you ducked into a store until the feeling passed. If you don't listen to it and you're right, things could turn out very badly. More often than not, your gut is right, so listen up! It's always better to be safe than sorry.

Science suggests women's intuition is a product of evolution. Females with a strong ability to understand and predict the needs of their offspring and mates thrive over females with inferior senses.

Previous generations were often expected to be seen but not heard. Because of this, they developed a deep sense of observation by becoming hyper-sensitive to the feelings and nonverbal cues of others.

Women may exhibit more intuition, empathy, collaboration, self-control, and appropriate concern because of increased blood flow in the brain. Or as Dr. Daniel Amen, Founder of the Amen Clinics, put it:

“The female brain is wired for leadership.”

Perhaps they should have been listening to us all along.

We are also better at showing our emotions through facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language. Whereas, men are better at hiding their emotions and maintaining a poker face.

But often, we’re still able to decode your tells. 

Research on nonverbal communication skills shows women are better at reading facial expressions and emotions. As a result, we are more likely to pick up on the subconscious cues of others.

The University of Cambridge conducted an experiment by showing people pictures of eyes. The subjects were then asked to conclude the person’s mood based on the appearance of the eyes in the photo.

Unsurprisingly, the ladies dominated.

When comparing MRI scans of brain activity, the female brain reveals an increased number of neural connections. This makes it more efficient and helps with interpreting one’s social surroundings.

On the other hand, the male brain is neurologically wired to be more logical, making it more effective at linking perception with action. This helps men be more intuitive. You guys also have better spatial intelligence, so stop making us navigate!

History and science both agree women’s intuition is more than just a myth. Listen to that little voice in your head; trust your gut. It might just save you a lot of heartbreak.


Woman Looking Off in Reflection

Reflection: The First Step to a Great Life

We rarely take time out of our day-to-day lives to really dig deep and check in with ourselves. So, that’s exactly what I want you to do right now. Take a few deep breaths, and spend some time in reflection. Think about your life, decisions, relationships, triumphs and trials. 

What life lessons helped shape the person you’ve become? What is most important to you as we move through this new decade? Do you have any hopes or dreams? Are there plans you can implement right now to start moving the needle in that direction? Is there a bad habit you need to quit? Do you want to fall in love? Get married? Start a family?

Now, the good news is you can start manifesting these things and making bold changes to achieve your dreams right now

Reflection and Response

Change doesn’t come easily. In fact, it often goes against our very nature, but it’s a necessary part of life. After you’ve completed a thorough evaluation and reflection of your life thus far, it will be easier to make concrete plans for a better future.

What needs to fundamentally change for you to make room for love in your life? Maybe there’s an ex you need to let go of, or a heartbreak you haven’t fully healed from. Perhaps, 2020 just beat you down a few too many times.

COVID-19 has certainly been a worldwide wake up call. Life is short. Now is the time to be brave, bold, and confident enough to take those first steps. Your matchmaker can help you nurture the positives in your life and create a solid foundation for you to find love.

Make this Year Count

Step outside your comfort zone and make this year worthwhile. We only have so many trips around the sun, don’t you want to spend them living your dreams? 

Do you have your eye on someone new? Is there a colleague you want to get to know better? Valentine’s Day is only a week away; gather the courage to send them a card or small gift

If you’re in the early stages of a new relationship. you don’t want to overwhelm your partner by going all out before they’re ready. Open a dialogue, ask them what they think of the holiday and what sort of expectations they have surrounding it. Share your feelings as well, you’ll avoid a lot of awkwardness and embarrassment this way.

If you’re single, gather your single friends and go do a fun activity like Ax Throwing or Top Golf. Host a dinner party or game night. Try to avoid places where couples are likely to be engaging in public displays of affection. If you send yourself flowers to work, the last thing your self-esteem needs is to witness a proposal occur at the next table over.

Stay in and spoil yourself with your favorite take out and a nice bottle of wine. Treat yourself to a day at the spa. Self-care is your first line of defense. 

Many of our single clients report feeling excessive loneliness when they don’t have someone to share Valentine’s Day with. But, I have an insider tip to bring you a bit of peace and solace.

You’re not alone; a lot of people who are in happy, healthy, long-term relationships also hate Valentine’s Day.

Often, this happens because one party desperately wants to celebrate it, but the other party perceives it as a frivolous, made-up holiday. This leads to conflict and disappointment. I always coach my clients to shower your partner with love and affection regularly, not just when you feel a sense of obligation.

Whether you’re happily loved-up, completely alone, or exploring a budding relationship, Valentine’s Day can be stressful. No matter how you choose to spend it, afterward, do a little reflection and make a plan for how you hope to spend the next one. 


Couple on Private Jet - Luxury Valentine Gifts

Ten Luxury Valentine Gifts to Knock Their Socks Off

Luxury Valentine's Gifts for 2021

Struggling to think of ideas for luxury Valentine gifts? Need to really impress your significant other? Is your date’s primary Love Language, Gifts? Then you’ve come to the right place!

We scoured Instagram for ten of the best romantic, high-end products we could find.

Get ready to really wow your partner this Valentine’s Day, but be prepared; you’ll have to do even better next year.

Whether you’re looking for flowers, jewelry, beauty products, or something for your man, we found the perfect items to spoil your better half.

We wouldn’t be a team of Matchmakers if it didn’t come with a bit of advice, though. Typically, our rule of thumb is, if you weren’t dating on New Year’s Eve, we would caution you before going all out with any luxury Valentine gifts.

That being said, relationships tend to move quicker during Quarantine, so use your best judgement, and Happy Shopping!


New Years Couple with Sparklers - Relationship Resolutions

Relationship Resolutions for the New Year

I think it is safe to say we are all more than ready to say goodbye to 2020. But now is the time to really reflect on your year and start to develop a plan for 2021 and beyond. How do you want to work on yourself? What sort of relationship resolutions do you want to put out into the universe?

The only true control we have in this world is over ourselves and our actions. You can’t change other peoples’ behaviors—only your own. Therefore, any real change starts from within.

Whether you want to develop a healthier work/life balance, start a new exercise regimen, or meet the love of your life next year, you need to start putting in the work today.

Improve Upon Yourself & Good Things Will Follow

When was the last time you treated yourself to a #NewYearNewMe makeover? Updating your style and trying out a new look is a great way to instantaneously give your self-confidence and self-esteem a boost.

Everyone feels better after a fresh haircut or a day at the spa.

This is not all about physical beauty or conforming to society’s standards, it is about doing something for yourself that makes you feel good in your own body, even if that’s just a massage.

Self-care is a continuous cycle of positivity everyone should make time for in their life. When you look good, you feel good. And when you feel better about yourself, it can have positive impacts on every aspect of your life.

The Law of Attraction is a theory that says, 

We attract that which we give off.

It is sort of a reverse Golden Rule. If you put good things out into the universe, good things will come to you in return. And as I stated earlier, you can only control yourself, so it’s up to you whether you give off positivity or negativity.

If you’re done reading The Five Love Languages already, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, is a great book for anyone interested in diving deeper into the Law of Attraction.

One of the key points of the Law of Attraction is manifesting the things you want out of life. This can be done in any way that works for you: meditation, prayer, vision boards, spreadsheets, you can even do it in the shower or during a run. 

Relationship Resolutions

Is it your heart’s desire to fall in love this year?

If so, it’s time to get busy. In addition to taking the practical steps, like hiring a matchmaker, and creating a dating profile, you should start manifesting love right now.

Put real time and effort into thinking about what you want out of a relationship. What type of partner do you want? And more importantly, what type of partner do you want to be?

Write it all down. Make a list. Develop a mantra or a mission statement. Put your goals on your bathroom mirror or map it out on your office whiteboard. Post it somewhere so you will see it multiple times a day even if it’s only for a few moments. 

During these manifestation exercises, think critically about the dating criteria you have followed in the past. Have any of those things changed? Are you open to dating someone with children now even if you weren’t when you were younger?

Examine all of your deal breakers. Can you overcome any of them?

Instead of shutting yourself off to anyone shorter than six feet, focus on things like intellectual and emotional compatibility.

Take a deep look at your dating history, especially in the areas that you feel have failed.

Perhaps 2021 is the perfect time to put your dating life in the hands of a professional once and for all. We want to help you fix whatever is broken in your love life. Sometimes that means we will push you to try something new, because what you’ve been doing is not working. Trust that we always have your best interests at heart. 

Studies show it takes at least three dates for the average person to feel comfortable enough to open up and show their true authentic self. This is why we always urge clients not to write someone off after the first date

What are your Relationship Resolutions going into 2021? We would love to be part of your journey and help you reach all of your goals. What are you waiting for? Take the first step toward forever.