So you’ve been ghosted…or have you? Suddenly your phone pings. Why is SHE texting you?! You haven’t spoken in months, after she just dropped off the face of the earth and stopped returning your calls. Welcome to the wonderful world of Zombieing.

What is Zombieing, you ask? Well, remember a few months ago when we discussed ghosting? It’s exactly like that except one step further. It can also be referred to as Haunting.

SHE’S BAAACK.

It usually starts as a toe-dip interaction, like a text. Zombies rarely risk jumping into the deep end of the commitment pool, because they already feel a sense of shame for their bad behavior. They knew it was wrong, and they ghosted you anyway.

If she hasn’t risen from the dead with full remorse and redemption in mind, maybe let her sit with that shame for a bit longer.

Why Not Just Stay Dead?

Motives for Zombieing can vary anywhere from boredom, to true courting intentions. That’s what makes them so dangerous—it’s up to you to decide if this person is worth your energy and if so, do they have nefarious or ulterior reasons for reaching out?

You don’t want to be someone’s Friday night entertainment.

Zombieing, like most bad dating behavior, stems from low self-esteem. Maybe she met someone else, and now she’s realized it’s not going anywhere. So she’s decided to dip back into the well of exes.

Let’s just call it what it is: attention-seeking behavior.

“Zombies want to see if they can still get a reaction, says Kate Balestrieri, PsyD & Founder of Modern Intimacy. “They’re using it as a way to get validation if they’re feeling low about themselves.” 

You have to decide for yourself if this person is worth the risk. My mom likes to quote Dr. Phil when he says, “The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior.”

The Zombie Apocalypse is Here, Now What?

You really only have two options when a ghost comes back to haunt you. You either engage with them or ignore them. 

If you decide to engage, proceed with caution.

In a 2010 study, researchers at Rutgers University found that looking at your ex triggers the same part of the brain as a cocaine addiction, creating an obsession with romantic rejection.

Ask yourself, do you want to open Pandora’s box?

You have to be careful if you’re going to date a zombie. It’s essential to have very clear plans in place for connecting, when you’re going to be spending time, and how often you’ll text. -Jane Greer, PhD, Family & Marriage Therapist

Reflect back on your relationship. Are there any other red flags or bad behavior you can remember? Was your relationship equal and balanced? Did she have a legitimate excuse for her disappearing and subsequently, reappearing act? Did she apologize? Do you believe her?

From here, you have to decide if you want to continue communication and open the doors for a potential relationship again. Keep in mind, this also opens you up to the same trap you already fell for. Fool me once, and all that. 

Don’t forget you always have the option to ignore her. Delete the text, block her number, and pretend like it never happened, if you need to. You are not required to engage if you don’t want to.

When in doubt, turn your experiences into art like Allison Wade. She turned some of the best (read: worst) texts she’s received from exes into works of art.