Think about the first time you met the person you’re seeing. Focus on the time you first had that flutter inside you. You know, that beautiful, indescribable cosmic rush between your head, your heart, and perhaps…your loins? That’s right. Today we’re talking about sex and intimacy!
It’s a rush that for some, quickly advances one’s carnal desire to have a sexual relationship early on when first dating. Pepper in a Pandemic and likely your rules of—let’s call it, engagement when dating likely went out the window, along with 2020.
Never before were the words, new year, new you more accurate and embraced!
Let’s Get it On
As the crooner and undeniable icon of all things sex appeal, Marvin Gaye once sang while wearing skin tight turquoise leather pants. Wait, give me a moment. I got a little sidetracked by the steamy 70s visual. Even the lyrics to his classic song speak to the aforementioned struggle.
“I’ve been really tryin’ baby…tryin’ to hold back this feeling for so long.”
Look, you’re both consenting adults. If you choose to experience intimacy on the first date—go right ahead, sister. More power to you, brother! Some might even say it’s a bit of a right of passage in a relationship to assess true physical compatibility. No one can deny the importance of intimacy when it comes to building a romantic bond.
Maybe you’re both just ready to jump anything that moves after being in lockdown for eternity!
There is a camp who believe that determining your sexual chemistry before becoming exclusive is a sound indicator of compatibility in a relationship, and subsequently a marriage. However, there are others with fancy degrees and clipboards armed with data who would disagree.
Abstain Because Science Says So
Rest assured, there is scientific data behind the practice of sexual restraint.
A study in the American Psychological Association’s Journal of Family Psychology surveyed 2,035 married couples. It found that the longer they waited to have sex in their relationship, the better the relationship was overall, even after marriage.
Don’t want to get married you say, so why wait? Well, there’s data to support that scenario too.
Intimacy Too Soon Creates Counterfeit Currency
A counter study by Sharon Sassler and colleagues at Cornell University found that rapid sexual involvement has adverse long-term implications for relationship quality.
“Adequate time is required for romantic relationships to develop in a healthy way. In contrast, relationships that move too quickly, without adequate discussion of the goals and long-term desires of each partner, may be insufficiently committed and therefore result in relationship distress, especially if one partner is more committed than the other.”
Couples that engage in sex too soon create a counterfeit intimacy. It creates fast, intense feelings that are often confused with true, lasting love.
This counterfeit love currency is then cashed in on major life purchases, like buying a house together or getting married.
That basically means having sex early on in a relationship creates an imbalance which can include unhealthy communication patterns, and rushes to judgement on major life decisions. Such preemptive entanglement is hard to unravel. So, often couples passively follow what’s easiest and proceed with poor life choices.
Choose Lasting Love Over Libido
They say true love is worth waiting for. Not everyone wants long-lasting love. So, talk with your partner, beau, “friend,” bae, whatever the label. Even if you haven’t defined the relationship yet.
Communicate what each of you are seeking before you bring the physical into the relationship. Without doing so, someone is going to get the short end of the proverbial stick.
Simply ask yourself—do you want to nurture a long-lasting relationship built on a foundation of partnership and love or are you just looking to feed your libido?
No judgement here. You get to choose, but be sure to discuss it before clothes start hitting the floor.