In Conversation with Lindsay Mills: Mastermind Behind Executive Matchmakers
In the fast-paced world of top executives, finding time for love can be tough. Executive Matchmakers is a seasoned player in the matchmaking arena specializing in connecting male clients with exceptional women. I sat down with Lindsay Mills, the brilliant Director of Matchmaking here at Executive Matchmakers, to unravel the secrets behind this brand's success. According to The Atlantic more singles are seeking professional help in their dating lives. In our conversation, Lindsay shares the common misconceptions people have when it comes to matchmaking and why her clients trust her so much.
Aly: How does this brand differ from other matchmaking services?
Lindsay: One thing that is critical to this business is understanding the delicate balance that high-profile individuals maintain between their careers and personal lives. Having worked with hundreds of clients that live the CEO life, we really understand how their needs differ from other singles. Our approach is personalized and flexible because we acknowledge the demanding schedules our clients juggle.
We aim to take the stress out of the dating process. We have a tailored concierge service that handles the logistics of date planning for our clients, allowing them to focus on making meaningful connections.
Privacy is paramount for public figures, and our commitment to confidentiality is woven into every step of our process. Our network of matchmakers and recruiters specializes in understanding the intricate preferences of high-profile individuals, going beyond basic compatibility to consider lifestyle preferences, social circles, and the unique expectations that come with their public image.
We take a proactive approach to networking within exclusive circles, as well as discreet and targeted outreach, and a recruitment strategy that goes beyond external appearances. Our recruitment process delves into personalities, lifestyles, and aspirations, ensuring connections are not only compatible on paper but have the potential for a genuine and lasting connection.
"Our recruitment process delves into personalities, lifestyles, and aspirations, ensuring connections are not only compatible on paper but have the potential for a genuine and lasting connection."
Aly: Where are the bulk of your clients located?
Lindsay: Well, we are a nationwide company. Currently, our hot spots are Florida, California, Texas, Arizona, Utah, Oklahoma, Kansas, Missouri, Michigan, North Carolina, South Carolina, Arkansas, and Nevada.
Aly: What should potential matches understand about the high-profile clients we work with?
Lindsay: Potential matches should understand that working with high-profile clients involves a nuanced and personalized approach that goes beyond the surface level. It's not just about connecting people based on external factors, it's about understanding the complexities of their lives, values, and aspirations while respecting their need for discretion and confidentiality.
Aly: What does it feel like when you hear back from a client who found a relationship through the process?
Lindsay: That’s easy! It's an incredibly rewarding experience! It's more than just a professional achievement. It's a deeply personal accomplishment too. Knowing that I played a role in bringing two people together who have connected on a profound level is both gratifying and humbling. You get to witness the whole love story start to unfold before your very eyes! Matchmaking is a genuine passion of mine but when someone finds a true connection that grows into something magical, it becomes a sense of purpose!
"Knowing that I played a role in bringing two people together who have connected on a profound level is both gratifying and humbling."
Aly: Tell us one of your favorite client success stories.
Lindsay: I was working with a client (let's call him Jack for the sake of this story) who initially had reservations about the match I had selected for him. Despite careful consideration and an in-depth interview process with his match, Jack struggled to fully trust that this particular match would lead to a lasting relationship.
It was a delicate situation because he had been taken advantage of in previous relationships by women who were in it for the wrong reasons. It required an understanding of the client's fears and insecurities and what those triggers were that were affecting his trust in the process. What made this story stand out is the remarkable transformation in the client's perspective and the ultimate success of the match.
Instead of dismissing his concerns, I took the time to engage in open and honest communication, addressing his apprehensions and ensuring he felt heard and understood. Building a relationship of trust was paramount in Jack's case. The initial skepticism Jack had gradually transformed into genuine connection and affection with his match. It reinforced my belief in the transformative impact this process can have on individuals who are willing to take a leap of faith. It's moments like these that make all the challenges truly worthwhile.
Aly: What’s the hardest part of the job?
Lindsay: One of the significant challenges is managing unrealistic expectations that clients may have. While we strive to find the best possible matches based on a thorough understanding of their criteria, chemistry, and compatibility, the intricacies of human connection mean that not every match will result in a lasting relationship. Balancing the optimism of our clients with the realities of the dating landscape can be emotionally challenging, especially when there are high hopes invested in the process.
Another difficulty lies in navigating the delicate task of informing a client that a match they were excited about has chosen not to pursue an introduction. These are individuals accustomed to success and achievement, and the prospect of someone declining an introduction can be a blow to their confidence. My responsibility is not just limited to making successful matches, it extends to guiding our clients through the emotional journey that comes with the territory of matchmaking. I always say that rejection is just redirection.
Aly: What is a common misconception people have about matchmaking?
Lindsay: One prevalent misconception is that individuals turn to matchmakers as a last resort. In reality, our clients are successful, busy professionals who recognize the efficiency and personalized approach that a matchmaker provides. Seeking the assistance of a matchmaker and recruiting team is a proactive and strategic choice for those who value their time and are serious about finding a compatible partner.
Another misconception is that using a matchmaker implies a lack of dating skills or an inability to find a partner independently. Our clients are highly capable individuals who understand that finding a genuine connection requires a specialized and targeted approach. Matchmaking complements their efforts by introducing them to carefully curated matches.
"One prevalent misconception is that individuals turn to matchmakers as a last resort. In reality, our clients are successful, busy professionals who recognize the efficiency and personalized approach that a matchmaker provides."
Aly: How do you handle clients who are hesitant to trust a matchmaker?
Lindsay: Building trust is a delicate and essential aspect of my role. I believe in fostering an open line of communication and transparency from the very beginning. I also discuss the very personalized and tailored approach we take by highlighting the thoroughness of our process and the effort we invest in understanding each client's unique preferences, values, and lifestyle. With all clients, I take the time to build a rapport and personal connection that demonstrates genuine care and continued support.
Aly: So, what’s the key to successful matchmaking?
Lindsay: Trust is the cornerstone of any successful matchmaking service, especially when dealing with high-profile clients. Transparency, personal connection, ongoing communication, and support are key elements in building and maintaining trust. I understand the intricate balance of chemistry and compatibility. Matchmaking is more about understanding the unique dynamics that lead to a successful and lasting connection.
Aly: What’s your advice for high-profile singles?
Lindsay: Take care of yourself – self-love is the best foundation for a healthy relationship. Be crystal clear about what you want, and don't settle for anything less. Focus on quality over quantity in your dating adventures. Trust me, it makes all the difference.
Thank you for sharing these insights with us, Lindsay!
Explaining the Chemistry of Lust
When we talk about love and lust, we're diving into the feelings that make human connections so complicated. It's not just about the excitement and nervousness; there's a whole emotional landscape at play. And that’s not to mention the explosion of chemical reactions happening all around your brain and body, making you feel a million things all at once.
Lust and love might seem like similar experiences on the surface. Truthfully, they aren’t all that different from a chemistry standpoint. They both cause faster heartbeats and sweaty palms, and they both make your brain light up like a Christmas tree. If we look deeper, however, we can see they have some key differences.
The Chemistry of Lust
Let's start by talking about lust, which is like a powerful magnet that can pull people together. A mix of hormones, neurotransmitters, and chemical reactions are in the driver's seat. These all contribute to our libido, or our sex drive, and they play a crucial role in stoking the fiery feelings of lust.
Before you even speak to your intended mate, the communication has already begun. A mix of chemicals called pheromones act as chemical messengers in the air between you and your possible bedmate. All over the animal kingdom, smell is hugely important in mating. Pheromones can convey things like health, fertility, and evolutionary fitness.
Scientists disagree on how important pheromones are to human sexual response, but there is evidence to suggest that our olfactory system—that’s our sense of smell—can read these signals and use them to decide the viability of our intended mate.
Testosterone is closely associated with male libido. This means that when the heat turns up in the bedroom, testosterone spikes. In female libido and health, testosterone plays a relatively small but important role as well. It works with estrogen, the most important sex hormone for women, to increase sexual desire and arousal.
Increased estrogen production is also the reason many women feel an increase in their libido around ovulation, about two weeks after their menstrual cycle begins. This is when estrogen production peaks, before slowly declining through the latter half of the cycle. This causes an increase in sex drive as well.
All the hormones coursing through you create a mix of intense feelings, drawing you in. Then dopamine, one of the pleasure-causing chemicals in our brains, rushes in, making you feel euphoric. It works with oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone” to make sex feel rewarding, driving you to keep going.
A burst of oxytocin floods your brain during orgasm. This helps make a one-off romp feel more intimate. Oxytocin fosters feelings of trust and attachment. This contributes to a sense of connectedness. It also helps explain why you might feel emotionally closer to a partner after some time in the bedroom.
A chemical cocktail in your brain is telling you this is perfection, but don't trust it blindly. The feeling of lust is all about temporary, physical attraction. A passionate introduction doesn't always mean there's a deeper connection.
Love vs. Lust
So, what’s the difference between love and lust? One big thing is timing. Lust peaks in the early, exciting phase of a relationship, fueled by the novelty and mystery of a new partner. It activates the brain's reward center, making you feel euphoric and ready for another hit. This sudden rush of passion may create a strong initial connection, but according to relationship expert Dr. Terri Orbuch, lust always fades over time.
Love can certainly grow from this place. However, lust alone cannot form the basis of a lasting romantic connection. Lust puts us into a heightened state of arousal, making it difficult to sustain over a long period. In simple terms, what goes up must come down.
Unlike lust, love sustains itself over time through a more steady and consistent release of oxytocin and serotonin. When you're in love, parts of the brain associated with attachment and memory light up too. However, the differences aren’t just chemical; Dr. Orbuch says that love and lust are two completely different emotions.
The Complexity of Love
While lust is about sexual gratification, falling in love is about deep emotional attachment. This is the basis of a lasting connection that goes beyond the temporary excitement of lust. According to Dr. Orbuch’s research, there are four key features that distinguish love from lust.
The first of these is connection. While lust makes it easy to connect with our partner, people in love want to connect with each other’s friends and family as well. Whether we like it or not, the approval of our loved ones is a big factor in our choice of relationship. We want our loved ones to spend time with our partner and be impressed by them.
The second sign is something Dr. Orbuch calls mutuality. Someone in a relationship with mutuality might say things like “We went to the store” instead of “I went to the store.” Their partner is a main character in their story, because their lives are intertwined. Lust won’t drive you toward mutuality; thinking of yourself as part of a couple is a sure sign of loving feelings.
The next difference Dr. Orbuch says to look for is self-disclosure. Lust is a temporary feeling that doesn’t leave much space for emotional vulnerability. As you fall in love, you’ll begin to trust your partner with more intimate details about yourself. This could be anything from discussing your hopes and dreams to confiding something private.
Finally, Dr. Orbuch says that you’ll know it’s love when your relationship has a degree of interdependence. She describes this as the influence you and your partner have on one another. This might mean asking for their advice about a big decision. It could also look like asking them for support when you’re going through a hard time or calling to celebrate your successes.
Please note that this is different from codependency. In any relationship, it’s important to maintain a sense of individuality and to be present in your other relationships. At the end of the day, you should still be making your own decisions in a healthy relationship. Your partner should add to your life, not take over it.
Love and lust might start from a similar place, but they have different purposes in our lives. Lust might spark the initial attraction, but it's love that keeps the fire burning. Neither is morally better; in fact, both are important in our emotional lives. The key is finding a balance and learning the difference between these emotions. So, the next time you feel passion flaring up, ask yourself—is it the temporary thrill of lust or the lasting warmth of love?
