You’re scrolling through a dating app late at night, chatting with someone new who seems fun, easygoing, and just as interested as you are. But as you start making plans to meet, questions linger in the back of your mind—are they expecting something serious, or is this purely casual? 

You want to be clear, keep things safe, and avoid awkward misunderstandings. You realize you need a few ground rules to make sure everyone’s on the same page, but what are the rules of a casual hookup?

In today’s world, hookup culture is influenced by social media, dating apps, and changing views on relationships. Being well-prepared can make a big difference, helping to prevent misunderstandings and ensuring that everyone feels respected.

 If you’re considering a casual encounter, here’s a helpful guide on the do’s and don’ts to make the experience respectful, safe, and enjoyable for everyone involved.

The Do’s of Hookup Culture

Do Be Clear About Your Intentions Early On
One of the keys to an enjoyable experience is setting expectations from the start. Before diving in, mention that you’re interested in keeping things casual if that’s your goal. This can avoid complications later and helps each person feel respected. If things change, like if you start feeling a deeper connection, don’t hesitate to check in and let the other person know.

Example: “Hey, I’m enjoying spending time together and wanted to mention that I’m open to seeing where this goes if you’re interested.” Simple honesty goes a long way.

Do Respect Each Other’s Boundaries
Hookups are about shared enjoyment, and boundaries are part of that enjoyment. Setting personal boundaries—whether physical, emotional, or time-related—is a way to take care of yourself. Discussing boundaries also sets a tone of respect and lets both people relax and be themselves.

Do Emphasize Consent and Ongoing Communication
Consent is fundamental in any intimate setting. But beyond an initial agreement, maintaining open communication during the encounter can make things more comfortable and enjoyable for both people. This shows your respect for their experience and ensures mutual enjoyment.

Example: Check in by asking, “How’s this feeling for you?” This reinforces trust and shows attentiveness to their comfort.

Do Prioritize Safety and Health
Safe practices benefit everyone. Use protection to prevent STIs and unplanned pregnancies, and consider a regular health checkup if you’re active in hookup culture. Conversations about health and safety might feel awkward, but they’re standard in hookup culture and demonstrate maturity.

Tip: Keep your preferred protection on hand, so you’re always prepared and feel confident going into any situation. This applies to both men and women; safe sex is everyone’s responsibility!

Do Protect Privacy in a Connected World
The digital era brings unique challenges to privacy. Avoid tagging or mentioning people in social media posts without discussing it first. A casual encounter doesn’t necessarily mean public knowledge, and discretion often reflects well on your respect for others.

Do Let Someone Know You’re Meeting Up
While privacy is important, it doesn’t trump your safety. It’s important to remember that a hookup could be a near-total stranger, and that comes with risks. Before you go to anyone’s place or invite anyone to yours, send a text to a trusted friend letting them know you’re getting, ahem, friendly with a hookup. 

Send them the hookup’s name and address for safekeeping. If you have a photo of them, send it too. This can all be deleted later on, when you’ve made it through the encounter safely.

Do Acknowledge Your Emotions
Hookups are supposed to be light, but they can still stir up unexpected feelings. Being aware of this possibility and checking in with yourself helps you navigate any emotions without added stress.

Tip: If you feel attachment growing, it’s okay to take a step back and assess if a more meaningful connection is what you really want.

The Don’ts of Hookup Culture

Don’t Assume You’re Both Looking for the Same Thing
It’s easy to assume someone’s on the same page, but people enter hookups with different expectations. A quick conversation about each other’s intentions helps avoid misunderstandings and keeps both people on solid ground.

Don’t Overlook Personal Safety
Meeting in a public place or where you feel secure is crucial. If it’s a new acquaintance, make sure a friend knows where you are. If anything feels off, it’s okay to bow out.

Tip: Share your location with a trusted friend if you’re meeting someone new, for extra peace of mind.

Don’t Expect Exclusivity
In hookup culture, exclusivity is generally uncommon. But if exclusivity is important to you, don’t hesitate to express this. Knowing what’s comfortable for each of you can prevent misunderstandings and resentment.

Don’t Feel Obligated to Go Through with Anything
You’re allowed to say no at any stage. Hookups are meant to be enjoyable for both people, and it’s perfectly okay to leave if you’re not fully comfortable or enthusiastic.

Example: “Actually, I’d rather wait on this.” Honesty in the moment avoids discomfort for both parties.

Don’t Pressure Yourself for an Instant Connection
It’s normal to seek connection, but hookups are often short-lived experiences. Going in without the expectation of forming a deeper bond allows you to relax and enjoy the present without pressure.

Note: This approach also makes it easier to keep things casual and friendly post-hookup, without added tension.

Things You Might Not Expect About Your Hookup

Post-Hookup Emotions: Expect the Unexpected
It’s common to feel different emotions post-hookup. Recognizing these feelings and processing them without judgment is key. Casual intimacy can sometimes lead to attachment—something perfectly normal and worth acknowledging.

Ghosting as a Common Practice
In hookup culture, some people choose not to stay in touch. While ghosting might feel harsh, it’s a frequent practice and often not personal. Try not to take it as a reflection of your self-worth.

High Standards for Communication
Hookup culture today often includes a higher expectation for communication. Many people seek directness and maturity in these interactions, so being respectful, communicative, and considerate can actually help foster a better experience.

Tip: A quick check-in text post-hookup, like “Thanks for a great time!” can be a nice way to end things on good terms.

Social Media Concerns: Privacy First
With so much of life shared online, social media privacy becomes relevant in hookups. Consider whether you want mutual acquaintances or social circles aware of your connections, and proceed accordingly.

Tip: If privacy is crucial, make a habit of keeping your encounters offline and low-profile on social media.

Key Takeaways

  • Be Upfront About What You’re Looking For: Clear intentions help avoid mixed signals and make things easier for both of you.
  • Set and Respect Boundaries: Boundaries keep things comfortable. Share yours, ask about theirs, and enjoy the experience with respect.
  • Keep Consent and Communication Open: Check in with each other—it shows you care and keeps things enjoyable.
  • Stay Safe: Meet in a secure place, use protection, and listen to your gut. Prioritizing safety makes for a way better experience.
  • Keep It Private: In a world where everything ends up online, it’s respectful to keep things discreet. Avoid sharing details without permission.
  • Manage Expectations and Emotions: Feelings can come up unexpectedly, and that’s okay. Just check in with yourself and keep things real.

With these tips in mind, you’re set to approach hookup culture with confidence and enjoy the moment without the extra stress.