Profile Pictures are Worth A Thousand Words
Today we’re covering one of my favourite topics—Profile Pictures!
I will admit, I am often guilty of being highly critical when it comes to crafting a dating profile. I like to think of it as a resume for love. Please forgive my passion, but I cannot stress enough, how important it is to put your best foot forward with a flattering photo.
Your photo is the first thing people see, and it’s what will make them want to swipe right or message you. We have done some experiments to see what gets the right attention and what attracts the wrong attention.
Did you know most people make up their mind about you within the first six seconds?
So, what are your profile pictures telling them at first glance? Your first goal is to just get them to give your profile a second look; pique their interest!
Profile Pictures Are a Must
Not having photos on your dating profile will get you all the wrong attention. If people think you want to be anonymous, then most will assume you are only after a casual sexual encounter. If that’s not what you’re looking for, then let’s make sure you post a really good photo that indicates this isn’t what you want.
It is better to wait until you are ready to post your profile pictures and your bio is complete before you start browsing so that you start out on the right foot.
Without a photo, you will only attract unwanted attention, and this can be hard for some people to handle.
Your main photo should be you and you alone. No children, friends, family, or pets. Just a nice, clear photo of you. Pose naturally, smile, dress and wear your hair as you would for a typical first date.
Headshots are great, but you should also include a full-body photo in your profile.
Depending on how many photos you can upload to the site or app you’re using, you can include group shots, but make sure it’s not the first thing they see. Nobody wants to go hunting through a photo to find out which one you are.
There are some apps that hide or blur your photos, so that you have to get to know someone before you make a snap judgement on their appearance.
It is a great tool to get you to pay a monthly subscription as most people are so curious they will pay just to see what someone looks like, and then you choose who you reveal your photo to.
Keep Your Photos Updated
Ok, let’s get serious now, why would you want to put a photo up from five years ago? None of us are getting any younger, that’s a well-known fact! People are known to send the oldest and best photo they have, and it infuriates me. I am often sent a photo before a consultation to show me how a potential client represents themselves and when I meet them I do a double take!
When I ask how old the photo is, I inevitably hear a story about someone’s brother’s wedding from three years ago. It makes me crazy.
No wonder they are not getting any second dates! Usually, the first date doesn’t even last longer than 30-60 minutes, depending on how polite the other person is. I understand feeling self-conscious about aging, but you’re setting yourself up for failure if you misrepresent yourself online.
Keep your photos current and make sure they’re an honest reflection of you. We are constantly changing. Anytime your style changes, you update your hair colour, gain or lose weight, etc. you should be updating your photos. If you’re clean shaven, don’t have a beard in all of your photos.
You should also change your photos up every three months or so, after all it doesn’t reflect well if people see the same photos. They’re likely to think you are a serial dater. If a photo is not generating the right interest then change it sooner. Play around with your profile pictures and bio until you find what works.
How to Speak Fluent Body Language
Joe Navarro has written several books on body language and non-verbal communication. In his book, What Every Body is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People, Navarro discusses how non-verbal communication is guided by the limbic system, a very primitive part of our brains.
The limbic system assesses danger and risk, preparing the body for fight, flight, freeze, or fawn reactions. It is also the portion of the brain responsible for the high we feel when we fall in love.
Once you learn how to read key phrases of your partner’s body language, you’ll be better equipped to decipher their needs and fill their love tank.
According to Vanessa Van Edwards, Author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People, there are over 800 non-verbal signals made during a 30-minute first date.
The problem is, we’re not taught to be aware of the signals we’re subconsciously giving off or how to read and interpret others’ cues. It’s just one of those social skills we’re expected to pick up and adapt to which is difficult or even impossible for some.
Decoding Body Language
Being even marginally aware of body language, can lead to better connections and conversations. Some suggest as much as 80% of human communication is non-verbal.
Although it may be difficult to decode, there is good news. Body language is a more honest form of communication than verbal because so much of it is subconscious. Even the best poker faces can’t control micro-expressions.
She’s leaning in; that’s good. But is she trying to get closer to you or just the charcuterie board?
Fellas, we already know that women have better intuition, so learning to read your date, may take some practice.
It’s true that crossed arms and fidgeting can be a sign someone is disinterested, angry, or closed off. But it’s important to take the entire situation into account.
Is this your first date? It could just be a sign of anxiety. Did you cross your arms first? Perhaps they’re mirroring you; in this case it could indicate increased interest.
Positive non-verbal communication can include blushing, fumbling over her words, playing with her hair, fiddling with her clothes, or touching her lips. Getting tongue-tied often means one is nervous and trying to make a good impression.
Did you know hair follicles release pheromones?
Pay attention to whether she opens her body toward you or away. Subtle touches are great signs. If she slaps your knee when you make her laugh, or touches your arm for emphasis, you can bet she’s into you.
Mirroring
Mirroring is subconscious mimicking. You know the saying, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery? It’s true. If someone likes you, they will start to adopt your mannerisms and movements.
We like people who are like us. Love and belonging are a vital part of our hierarchy of needs. It’s why cults exist and civilizations survive.
Now that you know this, you can alter your own behavior to mirror your date and build a stronger connection.
Don’t be creepy about it and follow her every move, but subtle things like mirroring the way she leans on her elbow, or fiddling with your tie after she adjusts her necklace.
Know Your Angles
First and foremost, I want you to relax and sit comfortably on your date. Take a few deep breaths, because the most important thing is that you feel confident and secure.
Now, let’s think about how to make small adjustments to your posture so that you’re comfortable, but still giving off positive energy.
Tilt your head slightly when she speaks to show you’re listening intently. Try to maintain an open position and close some of the space between you.
Angle your body toward your date—head, shoulders, knees, and toes—pointed in her direction. Notice her body language, is she angled toward you or is she pointing directly at the door?
Touch Yourself
Your beard produces significantly more pheromones than your head. Increased testosterone causes facial hair growth, so twirl your mustache or stroke your beard, and watch the ladies come running.
On second thought, don’t touch your face during a Pandemic. But when it’s over, you should know how to use your hands to flirt.
Touching your throat or neck indicates you’re not a threat. You can also mess with your hair, fiddle with your watch, adjust your glasses, etc.
Eyes Are Everything
Speaking of glasses, avoid wearing sunglasses.
Eye contact releases the bonding hormone, oxytocin. Studies show your eyes dilate when you look at someone you care about. Both of these are hidden behind shades.
I do want to issue a word of caution. Despite the heading, eye contact is not everything. There are a number of conditions and diagnoses which make eye contact difficult or impossible for people to maintain.
Even if she’s not staring longingly into your eyes, notice where she is focusing her line of sight. Has something just caught her attention briefly or is she signaling rejection?
Is she staring at your lips then coyly averting her gaze? It might be time to think about leaning in for the first kiss.
Lessons in Literature: False First Impressions
Have you ever wondered why we, as a culture, celebrate literary relationships like Romeo and Juliet despite their false first impressions, heinous miscommunication, tragic endings, and/or obvious character flaws?
I’ve spent some time in quarantine re-reading some of those (in)famous love stories, and I think it’s time we really examine the ins and outs of the relationships society has put on a pedestal. Is accidental double suicide really the ideal romance? I think we can do better.
Pride and Prejudice is one of my favorite works of classic literature. Not just for the complex web of interpersonal relations, which we will dive into momentarily, but for the continuous lesson of false first impressions.
Like most writers, I’m an introvert. I listen more than I speak, and I’m cursed with what has lovingly been termed RBF. Many of my friendships began with them saying, “I thought you were mean the first time I met you.”
Nope, that’s just the way my face looks.
So, as someone who often feels like I don’t make the best initial impression, I can’t get enough of a novel that proves all the characters’ gut-instinct wrong.
Spoiler Alert—I don’t know if this needs to be said for a book that is nearly 225 years old, but just in case.
False First Impressions
When Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy first met, neither one of them liked the other. He basically called her ugly, and she kind of chewed him out in public. By the end, not only are they married, but they are Jane Austen’s version of #couplegoals.
Alternatively, when Elizabeth meets Mr. Wickham, she’s smitten. We later learn the truth of his money-grabbing background which involved seducing young girls. In fact, he performs his bait and switch routine on Elizabeth’s youngest sister, Lydia. The two end up married in order to protect the family’s reputation.
After observing his best friend, Mr. Bingley, dance and converse with Elizabeth’s older sister, Jane Bennet, Mr. Darcy came to the conclusion that they weren’t a good match. He was so sure of his false first impression that he tells Mr. Bingley, “Jane’s just not that into you,” and they break up.
Clearly Mr. Darcy wasn’t a trained Matchmaker, because as it turns out, Jane is very much into Mr. Bingley. She’s just not into public displays of affection in a time where showing too much ankle would get you slut-shamed. Go figure.
Austen illustrates false positive and negative false first impressions to show how one’s intuition can’t always be trusted.
Dating is a process of gathering information about the other person. You keep learning new things about them until you decide if you want to commit to a relationship with them or not. If you learn new information that negates everything you thought you knew about that person, don’t ignore it. Dig deeper lest you fall into the trap of an imposter.
Rate the Relationship
Elizabeth Bennet & Mr. Darcy: 8/10
I see why they are the novel’s main couple. Their love story includes a decent amount of drama, secrets, and Shakespearean misunderstandings. In the end they overcome their initial bad impressions of one another.
Mr. Darcy falls for Elizabeth despite their socioeconomic differences and his lack of attraction to her. Elizabeth forgives him for meddling in her sister’s affairs after he takes actions to correct his mistakes.
These are key takeaways in our line of business. This is why we always advise a minimum of three dates. Physical attraction and chemistry often grow over time, but so many people write a good match off simply because there weren’t fireworks on the first date.
They’re not a perfect match, but they choose to practice loving one another and that’s what keeps a relationship strong. They accept each other’s flaws, and encourage one another to do better and make things right whenever possible.
Jane Bennet & Mr. Bingley: 10/10
This is my favorite couple, although I must admit, an entire book on their story would be quite boring to read. They’re both shy and a bit reserved, but they click and they work well as a team. If everyone would have just left them alone, they would have been married much earlier and it would have saved a lot of heartache.
Lydia Bennet & Mr. Wickham: 4/10
Lydia is the youngest of the five sisters. She and Mr. Wickham run off together after he makes her his latest love scam victim. Before rumors and shame overtake the family, Mr. Darcy intervenes again, this time for the better. He pays off Mr. Wickham’s debts, and convinces him to marry Lydia. Their passion burns hot and fast. Those fires rarely last long.
Mr. & Mrs. Bennet: 1/10
Full disclosure—Mrs. Bennet is my least favorite character. Neither of them are shy about announcing to their own daughters which is their favorite child. Maybe that was common practice of the time, but it’s terrible parenting either way you spin it.
Mrs. Bennet is overly dramatic and constantly nagging everyone in sight or playing the victim. Mr. Bennet mocks her to her face and verbally abuses the whole family. Elizabeth says at one point that she couldn’t possibly have a favorable view of marriage after watching her parents’ union her entire life. These two make me grateful divorce is no longer taboo.
Silent Suffering: Uncommunicated Expectations
A few weeks ago, I discussed putting yourself back out there and managing attention seeking behavior. Today, I want to talk about what happens after you’ve met someone. How do you effectively express your needs in a culture of uncommunicated expectations?
Let’s assume you’ve cozied up with a partner who shares similar goals. You’re mutually aligned in your desires, interests and big-picture life plans. This is where a lot of couples fall prey to comfortability. They stop putting in the work.
Open Communication: Recommended Daily
Just because you’ve found your person, doesn’t mean your work is done and it’s smooth sailing till death do you part. Often the strongest, most compatible couples fall victim to uncommunicated expectations, miscommunication, and false assumptions.
Just as it was important to find someone that shared the same intentions, likes, or interests as you, it is equally important to ensure the expectations within those shared beliefs and ideals are communicated routinely.
It is just as important to address the uncommunicated expectations of your daily routines as it is the big life-altering decisions. Small false assumptions can slowly cripple a couple overtime.
How often is it the small, every-day things that go wrong resulting in a disproportionately large reaction because you were fed up and just exploded?
An apple a day keeps the Doctor away, but daily dialogue keeps the divorce attorneys at bay.
Nourish your relationship with a daily check in. Before you go to sleep each night, open a dialogue with your partner. Make this part of your bedtime routine, and never go to bed angry again. Ask each other things like:
- What is the one thing you wish had gone differently today?
- Did I do anything to upset you today?
- What was the highlight and lowlight of your day?
He Should Have Known
Your partner can not read your mind. You cannot expect them to know and remember all of your likes, dislikes, preferences, etc.
For example, I once had a client who was absolutely irate that her match had taken her out on his boat for their third date. When I pushed her for clarification she explained that on their first date she told him, “I’m not a very outdoorsy person.”
She then felt as if he hadn’t listened to her and ultimately disrespected her by taking her to do something she (in her mind) had explicitly told him she would hate.
From the outside looking in, it’s clear this was just a matter of uncommunicated expectations. Don’t assume others will interpret your words correctly. Be specific when you communicate your needs, boundaries, etc.
At the center of all failed partnerships is a breakdown of communication, in part because we tend to assume things rather than talk about them. All too often we take each other and for granted and in that, we make assumptions about one another that we compartmentalize silently.
In fact, the better a couple knows one another, the more likely they are to make assumptions instead of asking the other person directly. And you know what they say about people who assume things...they make an ass out of you and me.
Do not assume, just ask.
No Days Off
People are constantly evolving, as are our relationships. It’s an organic process. That said, expectations of a relationship can change over time.
Maybe you have to relocate for work and your partner is not moving with you. You never consciously entered into a long-distance relationship, but now here you are.
No matter what the pending distance you will soon face, it will challenge your commitment with a decline in the amount of quality time you will spend together. So, be sure to set and communicate newfound expectations, as it relates to this new facet of your relationship.
How do you navigate this new normal? Do you now need to talk or FaceTime daily or multiple times a week? Whatever you both decide needs to be discussed before moving day. Without setting and discussing these expectations, especially when there are sudden and unexpected changes, no relationship, long-distance or otherwise, will survive.
When in Doubt Talk it Out
Have you ever heard someone say the cause of their divorce was too much communication? Because I haven’t.
Don’t assume your partner is aware of something if you haven’t discussed it. Conversely, don’t use your partner’s lack of awareness as a weapon. Often, couples will accuse one another of not being present in the relationship if the other was not aware of a particular conflict or issue.
No one will ever fault you for talking through things to establish and clarify expectations.
Couples that maintain strong bonds, long-term relationships, and successful marriages put all their cards on the table. They will communicate anything and everything to one another out of mutual respect and love. It is not an annual exercise, it’s a daily process that fortifies even the strongest of relationships.
So don’t let your relationship fall ill to uncommunicated expectations. Think of communication as a necessary part of your relationship’s daily upkeep. So be sure to get your daily dose of dialogue in. You will build a strong, lasting bond with your partner that will be able to withstand whatever changes come your way.
30 Questions to Get the Conversation Going
In her book, Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People, Vanessa Van Edwards, separates conversation into three categories based on how long you’ve spent with someone: five minutes, five hours, or five days.
I believe everyone opens up at their own pace, so I categorize interactions into small talk, ice breakers, and connection builders with each one digging a little deeper to get to know the other person better.
Below, I’ve compiled ten sample questions for each section.
Conversation is a delicate dance of leading and following. It’s a matter of giving and receiving information. There’s an art to being vulnerable and asking probing questions without crossing a boundary or oversharing.
If you’re going to ask about deal breakers, be cautious in how you do so. You don’t want to give off negative energy.
For example, don’t ask your date who she voted for or to which political party she subscribes. At the same time, don’t announce those things about yourself. It’s too direct and very off-putting. Instead, focus on sharing your core values and learning about hers.
If your values align, the rest will follow.
Start Small
If you’re an introvert like me, small talk probably isn’t your area of expertise. Unfortunately, it’s a highly-valued social skill in our society. So, I find it helpful to have a few open-ended questions on hand, to get the other person talking and let them dominate the conversation.
This allows me and my anxiety a break so I can do what I do best—listen.
- Have you read anything interesting lately?
- Do you belong to any organizations?
- Who is your celebrity crush?
- What is an average day like for you?
- Do you do any volunteerism or charitable work?
- What is your favorite/dream travel destination?
- Tell me about the best and worst parts of your day.
- When you visit your hometown, what is the one place you have to stop at?
- Do you have any pet peeves?
- What does your ideal weekend look like?
Small talk doesn’t have to be meaningless chatter about the weather. You can use it to really get to know someone on a deeper level if you ask purpose-driven questions and practice active listening.
For instance, by asking someone how they would spend their ideal weekend, you can discern things like:
- Are they a morning person or a night person?
- Do they prefer their alone time or group settings?
- Are they an introvert or an extrovert?
- What are their hobbies?
- How do they like to spend their free time?
That doesn’t even include all of the inferences you can make from their non-verbal communication. And you didn’t have to barrage them with rapid fire questions. Also, be prepared to answer any question you ask in return.
Ice Breakers
I would advise you to limit yourself to one or two of these types of questions per date. They can range anywhere from whimsical to philanthropic, but one common thread is that they’re complex questions that require critical thinking.
These are those bizarre questions you see on interview lists like—What animal most closely describes your personality?
One question is fun, two is deep, three is just plain exhausting. They’re great questions, but like many great things, require moderation to be most enjoyable.
- What skill or talent have you always wanted to master?
- Who is the most fascinating person you’ve ever met?
- Would you rather have the ability to speak any language or speak to animals?
- If you could pick a superpower, what would it be?
- Would you rather take several weekend getaways or one extravagant vacation?
- What do you do that other people think is annoying?
- Do you have any guilty pleasures?
- What is your most irrational fear?
- If you could solve one global crisis what would it be?
- What is the best gift you’ve ever given or received?
Connection Builders
These are deeper questions that can help you really get to know your date on a more intimate-level.
- What is your favorite book of all time?
- Tell me about your best friend.
- What do you want to accomplish in your lifetime?
- Are you close with your family?
- What do you love most about your work?
- Do you have any side-hustles or passion projects?
- How do you want your legacy to be remembered?
- What is the one thing that will put you in a good mood, no matter what?
- Who is the most influential person in your life?
- What is your primary Love Language?
Use your best judgement: if it’s your first date and you’re really hitting it off, these are pretty safe topics. However, if she’s not keen to open up, if her body language is closed off, if she’s giving you short answers—my advice is to stick to lighter topics of conversation until she’s more comfortable.
If your date is slow to open up in conversation, don’t write her off or hold that against her. You never know what she’s experienced in her past. Putting yourself back out there can be difficult. Again, if you share similar values, it’s likely a good match. Just be patient and give it time.
Breaking Up With Your Deal Breakers
Today I want to talk about breaking up with your deal breakers. The term deal breaker can refer to a lot of things, so for the purpose of this article, let’s define it as criteria you use to disqualify a potential match before ever even meeting them.
I’ve compiled a list of deal breakers (in no particular order) I’ve heard over the years, both understandable and ridiculous.
- Divorce
- Religion
- Political Affiliation
- Dietary Restrictions
- Body Shape
- Height
- Zodiac Sign
- Education Level
- Smokers
- Cat Owners
- Children
- Distance
- Race
- Ethnicity
- Virginity
- Age
- Career Type
I once had a client refuse a first date after learning his match was lactose intolerant. I know a woman who has a strict no Geminis policy. The list could go on for days.
The first step to breaking up with your deal breakers is to write out a list of all your perceived deal breakers. Take some time to really mull this over and create a comprehensive list. You’re the only person who will ever see this, so don’t be afraid to list even the deal breakers you’re ashamed to admit.
It doesn’t matter if your deal breakers are big or small. Just add them all to the list. Don’t worry, we will whittle it down later.
Boundaries v. Barriers
Now, it’s time to categorize your deal breakers into Boundaries and Barriers. Boundaries are good; they keep us safe. Barriers on the other hand, get in our way and block us from achieving our goals.
For instance, rejecting a long distance relationship is a Boundary—excluding anyone who doesn’t reside within a 5-mile radius of your front door is a Barrier.
There are people who have been in COVID lockdown for a year now. With facetime and Zoom, long-distance will soon be an extinct deal breaker anyway.
Keep in mind, a lot of this depends on you and your situation as much as the other person. Let me give you a couple of examples.
I will not date anyone with a cat.
- Boundary: if you have a severe allergy
- Barrier: if you just prefer dogs
I will only date Catholics.
- Boundary: if you’re a practicing Catholic
- Barrier: if you haven’t been to mass since you were a child
I will not date someone who has children.
- Boundary: if you don’t have or want kids
- Barrier: if you have kids from a previous relationship
Now, I want you to reflect on your list. Organize each item on your deal breaker list into either the Boundary or Barrier column. After you decipher your Boundaries and Barriers, you can start breaking up with your deal breakers one by one.
Breaking Up with Your Deal Breakers
Next, I want you to rank your list of Boundaries in order of importance. Then, do the same with your Barriers.
Those Barriers are starting to seem a little trivial now, huh? Some of them may even feel ridiculous. That’s a good thing! That means breaking up with your deal breakers is going to be easier than you thought.
Starting with the lowest-ranked Barrier, think through each of your deal breakers. Go deep. Make another list of pros and cons for each if you need to. Ask yourself the following question:
If you met a beautiful woman tomorrow who possessed a myriad of positive characteristics, would this one single thing eliminate her in your mind as a possible mate?
If the answer is yes, then you’re not ready to let go of that deal breaker just yet.
But if the answer is no, or even maybe with a qualifier, then let’s work through it.
Is there an underlying reason for your deal breakers? Try to get to the core of your reason for wanting or needing that trait in a partner.
What if it’s less about you needing to date a Catholic, and more that you desire a partner with faith and a good moral compass? Perhaps you don’t necessarily need someone with a graduate degree, as long as they’re intelligent and ambitious. Both of those things alone can broaden your pool of potential daters significantly.
How to Handle Rejection Like a Boss
The first step in learning how to handle rejection like a boss is to reframe the way you talk about and think about rejection.
You did not get rejected. Your proposal was rejected.
If you proposed going on a date and they declined, that’s okay.
If you proposed taking your relationship to the next level and they ghosted, that’s okay.
Unless you shared way too much information and downloaded your life story, they barely even know you. They are more or less a stranger, so don’t let them define you. Allow their disinterest or disapproval to roll right off your back.
Even if you proposed marriage and they ran away crying, it’s still going to be okay.
Rejection is not a reflection of you or your character.
Don't Take it Personally
It wasn’t a good match, but that doesn’t mean either of you are bad people.
Even after a few dates, you don’t know someone well enough to make a full judgement; that’s why we always encourage our clients to give each match a minimum of three dates.
It is likely there are a number of both external and internal factors that contributed to the rejection. And you probably have control over little to none of them. For instance, maybe they’re already in a relationship, or they just got dumped.
Neither of those things have anything to do with you. It’s not that they don’t want to date you. They don’t want to date anyone. If you learn to handle rejection like a boss, it won’t negatively affect you.
There’s a good chance it’s not even about you. Don’t spend your time worrying about things that are out of your control. On the other hand, you should be open to listening to their reason rejecting you as well as any respectful feedback.
Feel the Feelings
According to Dr. Winch, this suggests an evolutionary advantage to experiencing the pain of rejection.
"This phenomenon is a legacy of our hunter-gatherer past, when we lived in nomadic tribes. Back when a person couldn't survive alone without their tribe, "rejection served as an early warning system that alerted us we were in danger of being ostracized—of being voted off the island."
If someone reacts to your proposal with abuse or threats, if they try to belittle or degrade you—just get out of the situation as quickly and safely as you can. All that should do is prove you don’t want to be with someone who behaves that way. Don’t spend a moment of your time worrying about them or their issues.
I truly hope that hasn’t been your experience. And if you’ve ever rejected someone’s proposal in that way, shame on you.
Just because your rejection wasn’t abusive, doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Take some time to sit with your feelings.
Work on Yourself
Dr. Guy Winch is a psychologist and the author of Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts.
According to Dr. Winch, the best thing to do after a break up is: make a list of all the negative qualities or bad habits that you didn’t appreciate about your ex. Whenever you feel sad or lonely, every time you get the urge to call, read through the list.
This will also help you to manifest positive traits in your next relationship.
It’s important to be strong in your self-esteem and confidence, otherwise every superficial interaction will have undue influence over your well-being.
On the other hand, you should be open to listening to their reason rejecting you as well as any respectful feedback. Reflect on the situation. Did you make a remark that made them uncomfortable? Did you listen to your best friend’s well-intended but bad advice?
You can own your part of the rejection, and accept responsibility without getting into a negative self-talk mindframe.
Next time, you’ll be able to handle rejection like a boss.
In the words of Ariana Grande—
Thank you, next.
World’s Worst Dating Advice
Rules are meant to be broken. It’s a new decade, so take the worst dating advice you’ve been told throughout the years erase it from your memory.
There is an entire genre of self-help books dedicated to dating advice, much of which is solid, data-based research, but an equal amount is opinion-based and anecdotal. As they say, don’t believe everything you read.
Love is Magical
Soulmates, twin flames, love at first sight, happily ever after—these are the types of magical love we strive for from our very first bedtime story.
Real life love is much more practical. Don’t get me wrong, it has its magical moments when you swear the earth stops spinning. But true love, the kind that lasts forever, is a choice that must be made every single day.
Love is a verb as much as it is a noun.
The worst dating advice I ever heard was: If there is no chemistry on the first date, it’s not worth pursuing.
Attraction is not limited to our primal instincts, even though it may feel that way sometimes. As feelings of love and admiration develop, so does that magical, unexplainable spark.
Don’t write someone off right away. Some of our strongest matches have come from couples that we initially had to talk into going on a second date.
Keep Conversations Light
We’ve talked about the opposite end of this spectrum: oversharing. You don’t want to share too much too soon, but you also don’t want to avoid meaningful conversations that occur naturally. As the relationship progresses, you should feel comfortable opening up about more sensitive topics. This includes things like family goals, career dreams, and wishes for the future.
Imagine investing months into someone only to find out your goals for the future couldn’t be more opposite. You want to get married and raise a family, but she doesn’t want marriage or children.
By not defining the relationship and communicating your needs, you run the risk of wasting a lot of time dating people who aren’t a viable match. Executive Matchmakers helps weed out deal breakers so this doesn’t happen.
Be Your Best Self
We’re taught to be on our best behavior in all new relationships, and it’s true—to an extent. On a first date, at a new job, or even with a budding friendship, it’s always important to put your best foot forward.
As Miranda Lambert put it, Hide your crazy and start acting like a lady.
But there comes a time in every new relationship, where both parties have to be vulnerable, let their guard down, and show their flaws. If this doesn’t occur, the connection will remain in surface-level acquaintanceship territory rather than growing into something deeper.
Often in new relationships, people will behave how they think their partner wants them to behave. This leads to a myriad of problems.
If you’re not behaving as you normally would, your partner doesn’t truly get to know you. She may fall in love with a false version of you. This often leads her to a sense of feeling defrauded. And you’re left feeling as if your partner never truly knew you after all.
In trying to be everything your partner wants, you may lose your sense of self.
Communicating one’s needs, expectations, and boundaries is key for building the foundation of any new relationship.
You’re finishing up dessert on your third date, when your partner suggests a bar across town for a nightcap. You know you have an important meeting first thing in the morning, but you don’t want to upset her, so you say yes. Unfortunately, while you’re sharing a drink an hour later, the mood has shifted. You’re in your head, stressed out about the morning, and constantly checking your watch. Your date studies you closely for some sign of what caused the flip after dinner, but ultimately she’s left clueless.
If you had set boundaries and explained why you needed to go home after dessert, you could have both ended the night on a high note, excited for your next date.
What is the absolute worst dating advice you’ve ever gotten? Just remember, not all advice is good advice! When in doubt, ask your Matchmaker.
Relationship Resolutions for the New Year
I think it is safe to say we are all more than ready to say goodbye to 2020. But now is the time to really reflect on your year and start to develop a plan for 2021 and beyond. How do you want to work on yourself? What sort of relationship resolutions do you want to put out into the universe?
The only true control we have in this world is over ourselves and our actions. You can’t change other peoples’ behaviors—only your own. Therefore, any real change starts from within.
Whether you want to develop a healthier work/life balance, start a new exercise regimen, or meet the love of your life next year, you need to start putting in the work today.
Improve Upon Yourself & Good Things Will Follow
When was the last time you treated yourself to a #NewYearNewMe makeover? Updating your style and trying out a new look is a great way to instantaneously give your self-confidence and self-esteem a boost.
Everyone feels better after a fresh haircut or a day at the spa.
This is not all about physical beauty or conforming to society’s standards, it is about doing something for yourself that makes you feel good in your own body, even if that’s just a massage.
Self-care is a continuous cycle of positivity everyone should make time for in their life. When you look good, you feel good. And when you feel better about yourself, it can have positive impacts on every aspect of your life.
The Law of Attraction is a theory that says,
We attract that which we give off.
It is sort of a reverse Golden Rule. If you put good things out into the universe, good things will come to you in return. And as I stated earlier, you can only control yourself, so it’s up to you whether you give off positivity or negativity.
If you’re done reading The Five Love Languages already, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, is a great book for anyone interested in diving deeper into the Law of Attraction.
One of the key points of the Law of Attraction is manifesting the things you want out of life. This can be done in any way that works for you: meditation, prayer, vision boards, spreadsheets, you can even do it in the shower or during a run.
Relationship Resolutions
Is it your heart’s desire to fall in love this year?
If so, it’s time to get busy. In addition to taking the practical steps, like hiring a matchmaker, and creating a dating profile, you should start manifesting love right now.
Put real time and effort into thinking about what you want out of a relationship. What type of partner do you want? And more importantly, what type of partner do you want to be?
Write it all down. Make a list. Develop a mantra or a mission statement. Put your goals on your bathroom mirror or map it out on your office whiteboard. Post it somewhere so you will see it multiple times a day even if it’s only for a few moments.
During these manifestation exercises, think critically about the dating criteria you have followed in the past. Have any of those things changed? Are you open to dating someone with children now even if you weren’t when you were younger?
Examine all of your deal breakers. Can you overcome any of them?
Instead of shutting yourself off to anyone shorter than six feet, focus on things like intellectual and emotional compatibility.
Take a deep look at your dating history, especially in the areas that you feel have failed.
Perhaps 2021 is the perfect time to put your dating life in the hands of a professional once and for all. We want to help you fix whatever is broken in your love life. Sometimes that means we will push you to try something new, because what you’ve been doing is not working. Trust that we always have your best interests at heart.
Studies show it takes at least three dates for the average person to feel comfortable enough to open up and show their true authentic self. This is why we always urge clients not to write someone off after the first date.
What are your Relationship Resolutions going into 2021? We would love to be part of your journey and help you reach all of your goals. What are you waiting for? Take the first step toward forever.
So You Want to Date a Doctor?
Well, you've come to the right place.
First, on behalf of all of us here at Executive Matchmakers, I would like to say a sincere thank you to all of the health care workers and front line staff for their continued selfless work during the COVID-19 pandemic. We urge you all to please continue to follow all CDC Guidelines to keep everyone safe, especially if you want to date a doctor!
- Stay home except for necessary outings.
- When you have to go out, practice social distancing.
- Wear a mask when you interact with anyone outside of your household.
- Wash your hands often.
- Avoid touching your face.
- Do not gather in large groups.
How to Meet Single Doctors
Right now, it’s more difficult than ever to meet new people in a safe way. It can be virtually impossible for a medical professional to carve time out of his busy schedule to sort through pages of dating profiles. That’s why we’re here; we have matched thousands of happy couples.
Eligible women are encouraged to join our matchmaking database at no cost; it’s safe, confidential, and discreet. Don’t worry, we will never spam you or sell any of your information. Apply online with recent photos and you could be on a date with one of our Bachelors in no time.
Our professional staff will review your application, and if we think you may be a fit for one of our clients, we will contact you to set up an interview with one of our Matchmakers.
What to Expect When You Date a Doctor
Even before the first date you can make some pretty fair assumptions. For instance, the guy finished Med School, so you know he’s smart, driven, and committed. All highly-coveted characteristics in the dating pool.
When dating a doctor, you can expect additional quarantine and/or sanitation policies and procedures. I wouldn’t advise an anti-masker or anti-vaxxer to date a doctor. Remember the Pandemic is not forever, but there may be times throughout his career that will require additional medical precautions.
His patients come first. There will be many times that you will have to take a bit of a backseat to his work. Put your ego aside and try to put yourself in the patient’s shoes. Are your dinner reservations really that important in the grand scheme of life and death?
Dating a doctor requires you to exercise patience and flexibility. There will be late nights, long hours, and weekends on-call. So, learn to love your alone time. He will have to cancel plans sometimes. That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s ghosting you.
Avoid making concrete plans that cannot be altered like tickets to an event or travel arrangements without consulting him first. If something on his schedule prevents him from going, you’re left holding the tickets.
Doctors have often experienced emotional trauma at work. Studies show many health care workers experience similar Post-Traumatic Stress symptoms as combat veterans. It’s important that you can be a safe place for your partner to land after a taxing shift. If he needs to unload, just listen.
Give him a shoulder rub, open his favorite bottle of wine, find a light-hearted show you both love that will help him unwind. Doctors spend all their time giving of themselves to their patients. It’s good for them to have a partner who fills their love tank at the end of a long day.
Once again, we would like to express our gratitude and condolences to all of the men and women fighting the Coronavirus, and we urge everyone who reads this to do your part to slow the spread of the virus.
Stay home, stay safe, and date a doctor.