Vogue recently posed a question that caught attention: Is it embarrassing to have a boyfriend now?
It’s a headline designed to spark reactions, and it did. But it also raises something worth sitting with: why has public conversation around romantic relationships become so fraught, especially online? Why are people suddenly hesitant to acknowledge their partners, and why are so many interpreting that silence as shame?
Let’s not pretend that relationships are embarrassing. They’re not.
Lindsay Mill, Executive Matchmakers
The idea that being in a relationship somehow makes you less independent or less interesting doesn’t hold up. I don’t buy it. What I think is actually happening has less to do with love and more to do with visibility, specifically how we share our lives in public, especially on social media.
Social media has changed a lot. Not how we feel about love, but how we show it.
When your livelihood, identity, or follower count depends on engagement, you don’t just post whatever you want. You curate. You calculate. You start thinking of your personal life not as something you live through, but something you present. And when it comes to relationships, especially for women with large followings, that decision gets even more complicated.
It’s often believed that most followers of women online are men. While this is often not actually the case, men’s toxic online behaviors are difficult to deal with even in small numbers. (Of course, not all men behave poorly online; however, many of those who do aren’t engaging with women’s content for emotional depth or genuine admiration).
Women also don’t like to see men engaging with “hot girl” influencer accounts. They’re engaging with whatever fantasy version of you they’ve built in their head. So, when a creator chooses not to post about her relationship, it’s often read as secrecy or embarrassment. But more often than not, it’s a smart, personal boundary.
Do men want to see the woman they desire hanging on someone else? Probably not. So many creators simply choose to keep their relationships private.
And that privacy doesn’t mean disinterest. Boundaries don’t mean embarrassment.
Some people are private because they’re being protective. Others are superstitious. They want to avoid “jinxing” something good. Some are waiting until things feel more solid before they share. And many have learned the hard way how quickly an Instagram debut can turn into a breakup timeline. One day you’re sharing a sweet photo with a partner, the next you’re quietly scrubbing it from your feed, and everyone notices.
People are just realizing that true connection is not content. It’s real life.
There’s also a growing awareness of how performative love can become online. We’ve all seen the relationships that feel more like joint brand deals than partnerships. The ones built around aesthetics and optics. The influencers who won’t date someone who doesn’t photograph well.
And honestly, that doesn’t translate in real life. It has nothing to do with what actually makes a healthy relationship.
A good relationship isn’t a photoshoot. It’s not meant to be consumed. It’s not there to prove anything to anyone else.
The healthiest relationships are often the ones you hear the least about. Not because they’re secret, but because they’re safe. Held close. Treated with care.
The right partnership challenges you, grounds you, and helps you evolve in ways that solitude can’t. That doesn’t make you dependent. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.
We learn more about ourselves in the context of love than almost anywhere else. That kind of growth doesn’t always happen in isolation. Solitude can be powerful, but partnership is transformative in its own way. It reveals different sides of us. It teaches us how to show up, how to be seen, how to compromise, how to be loved.
So no, it’s not embarrassing to have a boyfriend. It’s not embarrassing to want a connection. And it’s not embarrassing to protect it from public view.
What is embarrassing is pretending we’re too evolved for love. Or acting like care and closeness are outdated concepts.
Lindsay Mills, Executive Matchmakers
The truth is, the way we talk about relationships is changing, but that’s not the same as relationships themselves losing value. We’re just learning to draw new lines. We’re choosing what we keep to ourselves. We’re resisting the pressure to turn everything intimate into something performative.
Love isn’t for the feed. It’s for the people in it.
And you don’t need to prove you’re in love, or that you’re better off alone.
You just need to live what’s true for you.
