How to Tell People You’re Working with a Matchmaker
When Jill’s matchmaker introduced her to Mike, she couldn’t help but believe she had finally found The One. Not only was he incredibly handsome–but he was kind, funny, and called when he said he would. In Jill’s mind, Mike was perfect in every way.
The only problem? One pesky question that kept coming up every time she talked about him to her friends.
“So, how did you guys meet?”
Jill hated the question. She wasn’t a liar, but she wasn’t necessarily ready to share the truth either.
Although she loved Mike, it made her anxious to imagine her entire social circle knowing that she had hired a matchmaker.
Doubts swirled through her mind: What will they think of me? Will they judge me for not finding love on my own? Will they laugh at me behind my back?
The Matchmaking Stigma
There are lots of myths regarding professional matchmaking memberships. One of the biggest is that these services are only for those unable to find love on their own. That, obviously, couldn’t be further from the truth. People seek out matchmakers out of frustration, not desperation.
At its core, matchmaking is about taking control of your love life. Those who seek out matchmakers realize that it is the best way to save time, energy, and money while dating. Most importantly, matchmaking is the surest way to find real, lasting love in the modern dating market.
Despite finding positive results from matchmaking, many members continue to feel shame about using any sort of dating service. They might experience enormous success with their matchmaker yet feel like they’re holding a dirty secret from everyone else in their life!
It can be incredibly embarrassing, then, when a friend or family member asks about the origins of your relationship and you don’t know how to respond.
It’s important to remember that matchmaking is nothing to be ashamed about. Dating should be a happy experience that is free from any fear of judgment from others.
However, when the feelings persist, it’s helpful to know how to respond to curious friends.
How to Answer the “How Did You Meet?” Question
“So, how did you two meet?”
If that question makes you stop in your tracks, don’t stress. Thankfully, there are several ways to approach the subject–and it doesn’t always mean sharing all the intimate details of your private life.
If you’re asked about your relationship and you don’t know how to answer, here are a few fool-proof ideas of what to say.
Keep it Vague
If the idea of telling friends and family that you are working with a matchmaker makes you want to hide in the corner, don’t worry. You’re not alone. Many clients prefer to keep things discrete, especially during the early stages of their dating journey.
Here are some responses that are so general, they’re guaranteed not to raise eyebrows.
“A friend in common introduced us. We’ve been inseparable ever since!”
To make it all sound even more casual, you can even name-drop your matchmaker! Matchmaking is something that’s gone on among friends since the dawn of time. By mentioning that a “friend” set you up, you’re able to authentically tell your story while avoiding unnecessary curiosity.
“We met through our mutual friend, Marie! She kept telling us that we’d be a great fit for each other. Finally, she set us up on a blind date. Turns out, she was right!”
“Our friend, Marie, introduced us! She’s a natural matchmaker.”
With these answers, you technically won’t be lying, either.
If you’re not ready to tell the whole truth, or you just don’t feel like getting into it at the moment, there’s no issue with keeping things vague. Honestly, your love life is no one’s business but you and your partner’s.
Short and Sweet
Some clients tend to think that, because matchmaking is such a unique way to meet someone, they need to tell everyone that asks all the nitty-gritty details about their experience. Take the pressure off yourself–and the conversation–by just saying it how it is.
“We met through a matchmaker.”
The fact that you met your significant other in a unique way does not mean that you have to overexplain your story every time someone asks. Often the question “how did you meet?” is nothing more than a friendly conversation starter. It doesn’t necessarily indicate deep interest on the part of the asker. By just saying the bare minimum, you not only normalize the experience of working with a matchmaker but avoid risking overwhelming the listener with details for which they didn’t ask.
Those who do want to know more about your story will ask. If that happens, don’t assume they are judging you. Sometimes, people will ask more questions just for the sake of keeping the conversation flowing. Assume their interest is purely curious and not out of a place of negativity.
At that point, feel free to elaborate–but don’t feel pressured to go into depth about your entire story. Only say what you’re comfortable saying and nothing more.
Embrace the Originality
So what you didn’t meet your significant other in college, at work, or through mutual friends? You’re too original for that!
While meeting people the old-fashioned way tends to be the most socially acceptable way to find love, it doesn’t make for a very interesting story. Embrace your originality being forthright about working with a matchmaker.
The best part is, you don’t have to wait until you’ve found love to tell them! The fact that you’re trying something new is something of which to be proud. Sharing your progress with others might encourage them to take more risks in their love life, too.
Own your matchmaking experience with openness. Here are some ideas of what you could say to others even before you’re asked:
“Hey, did you know I started working with a matchmaker? I’ve already got my first date lined up next week!”
“I have to tell you about this guy my matchmaker set me up with! He’s so handsome and we really hit it off on our date. My matchmaker really knows what she’s doing.”
Matchmaking is a privilege and something that not everybody can afford. It’s also sort of a love-life power move. Make it clear that you were willing to invest for the best with these responses:
“I can’t afford to waste any time on guys who aren’t in my league. My matchmaker ensures that all of my dates are actually qualified to be with me.”
“There are so many women who just want me for my money. Working with a matchmaker is the safest way for a man in my position to date.”
These answers show that you are confident in your decision, that you take love very seriously in your life, and that your time is too important to waste. People will likely want to know more about you and what led you to this decision.
Even if all it took was your matchmaker making a simple introduction, the fact that you meet your significant through a matchmaker is unique in its own right.
So, if you’re out with friends and you sense the conversation coming to a lull, remember that you’ve got something special up your sleeve that makes your love story instantly more intriguing. Channel your inner Bonnie Raitt and give ‘em something to talk about!
Trust Yourself
At the end of the day, you joined a matchmaking service for a reason. No, not because you were desperate or weren’t capable of finding love on your own. It was because you knew in your heart that matchmaking was the surest, simplest method to find your ideal match.
You know what’s best for you and your life. So, don’t worry about the opinions of others. Remember to trust yourself and your decisions.
Once you finally meet that special someone, you’ll know that what’s most important isn’t how you met, but that you’re together now.
How to Flirt Over Text: Your Guide to Better Messaging
Imagine you meet someone interesting at a friend’s party, and you’ve exchanged numbers. You want your texts to stand out and create a spark, but what do you say?
Flirting over text can be a blast. It can help you add excitement and fun to your conversations. In today's world, where we often chat through screens, knowing how to flirt via text will not only make your messages more fun, it could actually be a make or break moment for your new connection!
Whether you're just starting to get to know someone or want to add some spark to an existing connection, your texting game can make a big difference. In this blog post, we'll share simple tips and tricks to help you flirt like a pro over text.
Start By Saying Hi
Kick off your conversation with a warm and casual greeting to set a positive tone. A simple "Hey there! How's your day going?" or "Hi! What have you been up to today?" can go a long way in breaking the ice. This approach shows that you're approachable and genuinely interested in starting a conversation.
According to Dr. Darcy Sterling, a licensed clinical social worker and relationships expert, when you're flirting over text it’s not as simple as turning on the charm all at once. Flirting that way can be like flipping a switch, which is confusing and possibly off-putting for your texting partner. It can help, she says, to think of flirting more like a dial that you slowly turn up over time. Start small and turn it up only if they’re receptive.
A positive attitude is contagious—your good vibes will likely make the other person feel happy and excited to chat with you. By keeping it light and friendly, you create a comfortable space for the other person to respond.
Examples:
- "Hey! How's your day going?"
- "Hi there! 😊 What are you up to?"
Give Genuine Compliments
A sincere compliment can make a big impact; it lets them know that you’re interested and not afraid to show it. Instead of generic praises, focus on something unique about the person you're texting. Maybe they have a great sense of humor, a captivating smile, or a passion for something that really stands out. Let them know what you genuinely appreciate about them.
A heartfelt compliment not only makes the other person feel good but also shows that you’re paying attention and genuinely interested in who they are, not just trying to play the field.
Examples:
- "I love your smile in your profile picture!"
- "You always know how to make me laugh."
Use Emojis
Emojis are a great tool to make your flirty texts more engaging and expressive. They help convey your tone and emotions, adding a playful and lighthearted touch to your messages. Emojis can help the other person understand if you’re joking, teasing, or being charming.
For instance, a wink 😉 can suggest a flirty vibe, while a heart ❤️ can show affection. Some others that flirty texters tend to send are the “see-no-evil” monkey 🙈, the “eyes looking” 👀, and the smiling devil 😈. These all add a little mischief to your messages, so sprinkle them in when you’d like to be a little more playful.
Other emojis are understood to have an overtly sexual meaning. A flirty emoji can make your messages more exciting, but sending an eggplant might not get the reaction you intend.
Examples:
- Are you always this charming, or is it just with me?😉
- I think you might just be my favorite notification. 🙈
Ask Open-Ended Questions
When you’re flirting over text, asking open-ended questions is a powerful way to keep the conversation lively and engaging. Instead of questions that have a simple “yes” or “no” answer, try asking questions that encourage the other person to share more about themselves.
For example, instead of asking, “Did you have a good day today?” ask, “What did you do today that made you smile?” This approach not only keeps the conversation flowing but also shows genuine interest in the other person’s experiences and thoughts, helping to build a deeper connection.
Examples:
- What's something about you that you think I’d find surprising? 👀
- What’s your favorite way to spend a lazy weekend?
Be Playful, Not Sexual
Don’t be scared to have fun and let your personality shine! One great way to do this is by being playful in your messages. You can gently tease or share light-hearted jokes to create a warm and engaging atmosphere. The goal isn’t to put your date down or to hurt their feelings, so keep it lighthearted and pay attention to their reaction.
For instance, if they mention a funny incident, you might playfully tease them about it or make a clever joke to keep the conversation light and enjoyable. This approach not only shows that you’re paying attention but also helps build a connection by highlighting your playful side. While this can go a long way to build your connection, we recommend using this approach sparingly, especially early on when you’re still getting to know one another.
Examples:
- "I bet I could beat you in a game of [favorite game]."
- "If you keep being this cute, I might get distracted all day."
Share a Little About Yourself
Opening up about your interests and hobbies is a great way to create a connection and make your flirty texts more engaging. When you share what you're passionate about, it gives the other person a glimpse into your world and invites them to share their own interests too.
Whether it's talking about your love for hiking, your favorite TV shows, or a hobby you’re really into, these personal tidbits can spark interesting conversations and help build a bond. Plus, it shows that you’re open and genuine, which is always attractive.
It can be easy to get caught up talking about yourself sometimes. When you’re flirting over text, be sure to pull the conversation back around to them. This is also an easy way to work in an opportunity to ask them on a date.
Examples:
- "Do you like art? I’ve seen lots of museums, and I think you’d fit right in with the masterpieces."
- "I’ve been having a great time learning how to cook. I’d love to make you a meal sometime"
Know When to End the Conversation
Pay close attention to their responses when you're flirting over text. Are they replying quickly and enthusiastically, or are their messages becoming shorter and less frequent? If they seem less engaged, it might be a sign they need a break or they’re not feeling the spark.
If they start to seem disinterested or if their responses are lukewarm, it’s a good idea to give them some space. This shows you respect their boundaries and aren't just pushing for more conversation.
For example, you might send a message like this:
"I can't stop thinking about your smile. Would love to see it in person over coffee sometime! 😍"
…and receive a response like one of these:
- "Hey, that's so nice of you to say! I really appreciate it. Coffee sounds great—I'm always up for hanging out with friends!"
- “Aww, you’re so sweet! Coffee sounds nice, but I’m really swamped with work right now.”
- Hey! A coffee date sometime would be fun. I’ll let you know when I’m free?”
This is subtle, but reading between the lines can help you determine whether to give the conversation a break. If they seem busy, distracted, or just generally uninterested in romantic connection, take it as a sign. While these responses don’t necessarily communicate disinterest, it’s still a good idea to step back a little. If they’re interested, they’ll respond when they’re ready.
End the conversation on a high note. Wrap things up while the chat is still lively and enjoyable. This leaves them looking forward to your next message rather than feeling exhausted by the conversation. A good way to do this is to say something like, "I’ve got to run, but I’ve really enjoyed chatting. Let’s catch up later!"
By knowing when to end the conversation, you keep the interaction positive and make them excited for your next text. This balance of engaging chat and respectful distance can help build a stronger connection over time.
Examples:
- "I have to go now, but I can't wait to talk to you again!"
- "I'll talk to you later. Have an awesome day!"
- "I'll let you get back to your day. Chat later!"
Tips for Success
Be Yourself: Authenticity is incredibly attractive when flirting over text. When you’re true to who you are, your natural charm shines through, making your texts feel genuine and engaging. Avoid trying to be someone you're not, as honesty is the key to building a real connection.
Timing: Timing is everything. Don’t overwhelm the person with too many messages all at once. Give them space to respond and keep the anticipation alive. Spacing out your texts shows that you’re considerate and have a life outside of your phone.
Patience: Let the conversation flow naturally. Don’t feel pressured to rush it. Enjoy the process of getting to know each other and let the relationship develop at its own pace. Patience not only shows respect but also builds a stronger foundation for your connection.
Confidence: Be confident but not arrogant. Confidence is appealing and shows that you’re comfortable with who you are. A confident text can be playful and flirty, but remember to keep it balanced. Arrogance can be a turn-off, so aim to be self-assured without coming across as boastful.
Why Are Executives Drawn to Matchmaking?
In the bustling world of business, executives face countless challenges daily. From managing teams to closing deals, the pressure is immense. But amidst all this chaos, there's one area where many high-ranking professionals are seeking a helping hand: their romantic lives.
Matchmaking is an age-old practice that’s becoming increasingly popular among executives. But why are so many leaders turning to professional matchmakers?
The Unique Challenges Executives Face
Being an executive isn't just a job—it's a lifestyle. These high-powered individuals have packed schedules that often demand their attention from dawn till dusk. For many, this leaves little room for personal pursuits, including dating. These are a few of the unique challenges executives face in their search for love.
Limited Free Time: Executives are constantly on the go. Their days are filled with back-to-back meetings, strategy sessions, and business trips. By the end of the day, there's often no energy left for social activities, let alone the time-consuming process of dating. Finding the time to meet new people, go on dates, and nurture a relationship can seem almost impossible.
High Expectations: Even when executives carve out time for dating, the traditional dating scene often doesn't fit their lifestyle or expectations. Long hours and unpredictable schedules can make it difficult to commit to regular dates. In addition, typical casual dating activities like mini golf or ice cream dates might not appeal to someone with more sophisticated tastes.
Privacy Concerns: For high-profile executives, privacy is paramount. Using dating apps or attending casual meet-ups can feel too public. There’s always the fear that their personal lives could become news, potentially impacting their professional image and responsibilities. The idea of their dating escapades becoming office gossip or, worse, making headlines, is a major deterrent.
What Makes Matchmaking So Appealing?
For many executives, enlisting the help of a matchmaker is more than just a personal choice—it’s a strategic decision.
The dating scene can be stressful and time-consuming. We alleviate this burden by handling the initial stages of dating, from introductions to planning dates, reducing the overall stress for busy executives.
Lindsay Mills, Director of Matchmaking
Here’s why investing in a matchmaking service can be incredibly beneficial:
- Time Efficiency: Matchmakers do the legwork, screening potential partners based on the client’s preferences and values. This means you only meet people who are truly compatible, saving you time and energy.
- Personalization: Unlike algorithms on dating apps, matchmakers provide a human touch. They get to know their clients personally, understanding their lifestyle, goals, and what they’re truly looking for in a partner.
- Quality Over Quantity: When you work with a matchmaker, you won’t waste every Saturday on a first date that goes nowhere. Instead, you’ll get to skip the awkward dinners and only meet potential partners who are worth your time.
- Privacy and Discretion: For many executives, privacy is paramount. Matchmaking services offer a confidential way to date, ensuring that personal details remain secure and away from the public eye.
- Expertise and Guidance: Matchmakers are professionals who specialize in relationships. They offer valuable insights, advice, and support throughout the dating process, helping executives navigate the complexities of finding a meaningful connection.
The Modern Matchmaking Experience
In today's fast-paced world, finding the right partner can be challenging, especially for busy executives. Matchmakers are not just about setting up dates. They take a meticulous approach to find the perfect match for their clients. Modern matchmakers use a blend of science, intuition, and personalized attention to help their clients find love.
Here’s how they do it:
Many matchmakers start with comprehensive personality assessments. This is a tool that helps both matchmakers and clients to gain a clear understanding of what kind of partner would best suit the client’s needs.
These tests help identify the traits, values, and preferences that are most important to their clients. By understanding these core aspects, matchmakers can pinpoint compatible partners. This also starts off an ongoing conversation between the client and matchmaker that will continue throughout the matchmaking journey.
To get a deeper sense of their clients’ needs and desires, matchmakers often also conduct detailed interviews. This one-on-one time allows matchmakers to gather insights into clients' past relationships, future goals, and what they truly seek in a partner.
Beyond assessments and interviews, experienced matchmakers rely on their intuition and expertise. They consider the nuances of personality and chemistry that can’t be captured on paper. Their personal touch helps in making more meaningful and successful matches.
Support Beyond Matching
Matchmaking services often extend beyond just finding a match. Many offer additional support to ensure their clients are not only ready to meet the right person but also prepared to maintain a healthy relationship.
I'm definitely an emotional support person for my clients. As matchmakers, we provide more than logistical assistance. We’re a safe space for executives to express their vulnerabilities and receive constructive feedback on their dating experiences.
Lindsay Mills, Director of Matchmaking
A matchmaker can help your date go off without a hitch. It's hard enough to date without a packed schedule and a high-pressure career. The extra support matchmakers offer to executives helps them to not only meet potential partners, but to make a great first impression as well. Here are some of the ways matchmakers help their clients beyond making introductions:
- Dating Skills Improvement: Matchmakers provide guidance on how to navigate the dating world, offering tips on communication, etiquette, and building connections.
- Confidence Building: They help clients boost their self-esteem and approach dating with a positive mindset, making them more attractive and open to potential partners.
- Relationship Readiness: Coaching ensures that clients are emotionally and mentally prepared to invest in a relationship, fostering long-term success.
- Concierge Service: Matchmakers are not only invaluable resources for helping you navigate a date successfully, they can plan it for you too! A matchmaker can make restaurant reservations and other essential plans for your date beforehand to ensure everything goes smoothly without you lifting a finger.
In the fast-paced world of business, finding love can often take a backseat. However, with the rise of professional matchmaking services, executives no longer have to choose between a successful career and a fulfilling personal life. By turning to matchmakers, they can efficiently and discreetly find meaningful connections, ensuring that their hearts are as fulfilled as their resumes.
How to Set Your Relationship Goals—Before You Meet “The One”
When you’re wading through a sea of potential partners, you may find many promising connections, but it can be difficult to find your way to the right person for you. Setting relationship goals is a great way to guide you on your journey to finding a long-term partner.
All too often, we see clients who were in mismatched relationships—one partner wanted kids, the other didn't. One partner wanted to build their career, the other wanted to settle down. These core compatibility issues can bring a relationship to a standstill.
While there’s nothing wrong with being career-driven or wanting a family, both of these things can lead to major issues if partners aren’t in agreement about how they’ll affect your lives together. By setting a relationship goal for yourself, you can avoid wasting time in relationships that can’t give you what you want.
Here are some tips to help you set effective relationship goals:
Reflect on Past Experiences
Every relationship teaches us something about ourselves and about what we need from a partner. By reflecting on previous experiences, you can learn from your history. This can help you unpack your past and make informed decisions about your future.
What worked well in your past relationships? What didn't? Consider the qualities you appreciated in your previous partners and the ones that were deal-breakers. Use this reflection to shape your future goals.
For example, you might have really appreciated a partner who took time to plan for your birthday and anniversaries. On the other hand, another partner who constantly cancels plans because they have “something come up last minute” might not be the one for you.
By looking back on your past relationships, you can start to recognize patterns in your behavior or in the behavior of your partners. This could include tendencies to avoid conflict, struggles with communication, or recurring issues that led to the end of the relationship. Recognizing these patterns empowers you to address them and work towards healthier dynamics in future relationships.
Clarify Your Values
Reflect on what matters most to you in a relationship. These core values serve as the foundation of your partnership. They could range from honesty and communication to respect, empathy, and shared life goals. Take the time to identify which values resonate with you deeply.
Ask yourself questions like, "What qualities do I admire in others?" and "What behaviors make me feel loved and understood?" Clarifying your values provides clarity on what you need to feel fulfilled in a relationship.
Once you've established your values, get specific about what you're seeking in a partner. Your list should include traits that align with your values. For example, if you value honesty, kindness, and family, focus more on these traits when you’re dating. Someone who is physically attractive won’t make a good partner for you if your values are out of alignment.
Ask yourself questions like, "What qualities do I admire in others?" and "What behaviors make me feel loved and understood?"
Consider personality traits, interests, lifestyle preferences, and long-term aspirations. Ideally, you’ll be looking for the kind of person who compliments your strengths and supports your growth. Being clear about your desires helps you articulate your needs and preferences to potential partners, increasing the likelihood of finding a compatible match.
Prioritize Compatibility, but Stay Open-Minded
When setting relationship goals, it’s crucial to prioritize compatibility while staying open-minded. Aim to find someone compatible with you on multiple levels, including emotional, intellectual, and lifestyle compatibility. Look for someone who shares your values, interests, and life goals to increase the likelihood of a successful long-term relationship.
- Emotional compatibility involves understanding and supporting each other’s feelings, being open and vulnerable, and handling disagreements calmly.
- Intellectual compatibility means sharing interests and enjoying conversations, as well as having similar ways of solving problems and making decisions.
- Lifestyle compatibility includes aligning daily routines like sleep patterns and eating habits, as well as sharing similar goals for the future, such as career ambitions and views on family.
While it's important to have standards and know what you want, it's also essential to stay open-minded and flexible with your expectations. Knowing what you want is good, but being too strict can lead you to miss out on great people. Staying open-minded helps you find potential in unexpected places.
Be willing to give people a chance even if they don't fit your ideal criteria perfectly. Unexpected connections can lead to wonderful relationships.
Sometimes, the person who doesn’t meet all your criteria initially can turn out to be exactly what you need from a partner. People and relationships change over time, and recognizing this can strengthen your future relationship. Embracing differences can offer you chances to learn from your partner’s different perspectives.
It’s important to have standards that reflect your needs and values, but don’t be so rigid that you miss out on great potential partners. Instead of just checking off a list, focus on how you feel with the person. Consider how well you connect. This balanced approach helps you find someone who fits well with you and allows your relationship to grow and adapt over time.
Ask For Support
When it comes to setting your relationship goals, seeking support can be an invaluable part of the process. Friends and loved ones often know you well and can provide honest feedback. They can also help you identify patterns in your past relationships and create goals that align with your values and desires. They can also offer the emotional support you need to stay committed to your goals.
If you prefer professional assistance, matchmakers bring expertise in understanding personality types and compatibility. They can help you define goals based on your preferences and lifestyle and introduce you to potential partners who align with those goals.
If you crave more professional guidance, a dating coach could be the right choice for you. Dating coaches can teach essential skills like effective communication and confidence-building, as well as offer objective feedback and strategies to enhance your dating experiences. For deeper issues that might hinder your goal setting, they can help you work through past relationship problems and guide you to setting realistic and healthy goals.
You don’t have to navigate the dating world alone—support from friends, loved ones, or professionals can be incredibly beneficial in achieving your relationship aspirations.
Final Thoughts - Be Patient
Setting relationship goals requires patience because it's not just about finding any partner; it's about finding the right one for you. Allow yourself to take the time you need to understand yourself better, to learn from past relationships, and to explore what you truly desire in a partner. Try to slow down and enjoy the process of meeting new people—discovering commonalities and understanding differences.
Being patient also means not settling for less than what you deserve. Rushing into a relationship just for the sake of being in one can lead you to dissatisfaction and heartache in the long run. Instead, take the time to evaluate potential partners, consider their values and goals, and assess whether they align with yours.
Setting relationship goals involves introspection and self-awareness. You need to know what you want and need from a relationship before you can effectively communicate that to a partner. This requires patience with yourself as you explore your own desires, boundaries, and deal-breakers.
A note on self-awareness: While connections with others are important, it’s absolutely essential that you don’t neglect your relationship with yourself. Take time to get to know or reconnect with who you are inside. A therapist can offer extra support as you work toward healing emotional injuries caused by trauma and past experiences.
Ultimately, by being patient and setting clear relationship goals, you increase your chances of finding a compatible long-term partner who not only enriches your life but also shares your vision for the future. Trust the process and remember that good things come to those who wait.
Maintain Your Work-Life Balance While Dating
Juggling a successful career and a fulfilling dating life can feel like walking a tightrope. As a career-driven professional, you put a huge amount of energy into your work. Still, while you're striving for success and advancement, it's essential not to neglect your personal life. When you're looking for a partner, a healthy work life balance includes time for dating and relationships.
In the midst of busy schedules and demanding work commitments, it's easy for dating to take a backseat. While pursuing a successful career is undoubtedly important, when you’re looking for a relationship, it's also crucial to prioritize your potential partners. This will help to make the people you date feel valued and cherished.
An important aspect of a relationship is making your partner feel special and appreciated when you're together, regardless of your career obligations or aspirations. Finding the right balance between work and dating is crucial for our overall well-being and happiness.
Here are some practical tips to help you maintain a healthy equilibrium:
Prioritize Your Time
Just as you prioritize tasks at work based on urgency and importance, apply the same principle to your personal life. Set aside dedicated time for dating and stick to it. Treat it as an important commitment, just like you would a work meeting or deadline.
To Dr. Ali Abdal, author of “Feel Good Productivity: How to Do More of What Matters to You,” the secret is choosing yourself. This might sound counterintuitive for dating, but in the end, choosing a compatible partner is an investment in your future happiness. By taking time to invest seriously in your dating journey, you—together with your future partner—are building the beginnings of a deep well of connection and fulfillment.
“I know a bunch of entrepreneurs who have sold companies for hundreds of millions who don’t have a wife and kids—yet. Or they’ve said ‘Oh, no I’m still doing the single thing,”. People I’ve spoken to in their 30s, a couple people even approaching their 40s as well, who have said ‘Honestly, if I had my time again, I would take dating way more seriously,’ because they feel that missing aspect of commitment and building something and investing in a family.”
Dr. Ali Abdal, “Feel Good Productivity: How to Do More of What Matters to You
Take control of your schedule by planning ahead. Use tools like calendars or scheduling apps to block out time for both work and personal activities. This proactive approach can help prevent work from encroaching on your dating life and vice versa.
In a busy career-driven life, it's not always about the quantity of time you spend with your partner, but the quality. Make the most of the time you have together by being present, attentive, and engaged. Put away distractions like phones or work emails to focus entirely on your date.
Communicate Boundaries
Open and honest communication is key in both your professional and personal relationships. The simple truth is that sometimes work will need to come first, and that’s okay. Clearly communicate your boundaries and availability to the person you’re dating. Let them know about your work commitments and when you're available to spend quality time together.
Be flexible and adaptable when it comes to both work and dating. Sometimes unexpected deadlines or last-minute meetings may arise, and that's okay. Similarly, be understanding if your partner has commitments that require flexibility. It's all about finding a balance that works for both of you.
Be realistic about what you can feasibly handle in terms of work life balance and dating. Striving for perfection in either area can lead to burnout and disappointment. Instead, set realistic expectations for yourself and your relationships, focusing on connection rather than perfection.
Self-Care Matters
Don't forget to prioritize self-care amidst your hectic schedule. Taking care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being is essential for maintaining balance. Make time for activities that recharge you, whether it's exercising, meditating, or pursuing hobbies you enjoy.
Don’t be afraid to take things off your plate! Consider whether hiring a service to help with household tasks such as laundry, organizing, or lawn care is right for you. Even at the best of times, chores and home maintenance can be overwhelming. When our schedules get too full, every spare moment of relaxation counts.
Professional services exist for just about any task you can think of. Here are a few you can look into to enhance your self care, and in turn, your dating life:
- A dry-cleaner or laundry service can take the never-ending piles of washing and folding off your hands.
- A stylist can help you optimize your wardrobe and choose your go-to date outfits.
- If you don’t have the bandwidth for daily walks, hiring a dog walker is a great option to make sure your furry friends still get the care they need.
- A personal chef or meal prep service can alleviate the stress of meal planning and cooking with delicious, customized meals. (This also comes in handy for planning at-home dinner dates and special occasions!)
- A professional organizer can help you streamline your living space, creating a more functional and aesthetically pleasing environment.
- Hiring a gardening or yard work service can keep your outdoor space looking neat and healthy without you having to lift a finger.
Amidst the chaos of work and dating, remember to stay present and mindful. Practice mindfulness techniques to stay grounded and focused on the present moment, whether you're at work or on a date. Being mindful can enhance your overall work life balance and deepen your connections with others.
Evaluate and Adjust Regularly
Finally, periodically evaluate how well you're balancing work and dating. Reflect on what's working and what's not, and be willing to make adjustments as needed. Your priorities and circumstances may change over time, so it's essential to stay flexible and adapt accordingly.
Tip: If you’re having a tough time in the dating scene, you don’t have to go it alone. A relationship pro can help you take stock of your dating history. Consider talking with a matchmaker or dating coach about your past experiences and your current approach. They can help you identify patterns, introduce you to new strategies, and introduce you to some incredible potential partners.
There’s also no shame in taking a break from the dating game for a while. For many reasons, it can be helpful to step back. If you find yourself deriving more of your self-worth or feelings of validation from dating than you’re comfortable with, for example, it could be time to focus on yourself for a bit.
Busy times at work might also cause you to step back from the dating scene. At times when you’re putting in more hours than usual, such as near the deadline for an important project or a busy season for your clients might make it necessary to put romance on the back burner for a while.
Just remember that your romantic life is important too and come back around to dating when you have the capacity. It's not about achieving perfect work life balance, but rather finding a harmonious blend that brings fulfillment and happiness to both your career and your love life.
Six Strategies to Handle Awkward Silence on a Date
Do you find yourself loathing the dreadful "awkward silence" that accompanies some first dates? Between nervousness and the pressure to keep the conversation flowing, these painful pauses between two new people can feel pretty uncomfortable.
Navigating awkward silence on a date can be challenging, but with the conversation tools, you can keep the conversation flowing smoothly and maintain a comfortable atmosphere. Here are six strategies to help you handle those moments of silence:
Opt for Open-Ended Questions
It’s pretty much always great advice to ask questions on a date, but the type of question matters. If you want to keep the conversation going, ask your date questions that encourage them to talk.
Try to think of questions that might prompt your date to tell a story or give their opinion about something. By asking open-ended questions, you’ll encourage your date to share more about themselves.
If you want to keep the conversation going, ask your date questions that encourage them to talk.
Instead of asking questions like "Do you like hiking?" which can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no," frame your questions in a way that invites your date to elaborate. For example, you could ask, "What do you like most about hiking?" or “How did you get into hiking?” Asking in this way encourages your date to share their thoughts and experiences, leading to a more engaging conversation.
Share Personal Stories
Sharing personal stories or anecdotes can help break the silence and create a connection between you and your date. Share a funny or interesting story from your own life that relates to the topic you've been discussing.
For example, if you’ve been chatting about your favorite childhood movies, you could share a story of how you reenacted the scenes with your friends. A fun anecdote of your own can also encourage our date to take a trip down memory lane and share a story about their life in return.
Sharing your own lighthearted anecdote can encourage your date to open up with their own stories.
Be careful not to overshare too early in your dating relationship. Sharing too much too fast might make your date uncomfortable and sabotage your chances of connecting with one another. It’s okay—and encouraged—to get personal, but it’s also best to keep it lighthearted.
Play a Game
Injecting a bit of fun and playfulness into your date can turn an ordinary evening into a night to remember. Consider starting off with a lighthearted game or activity that sets the tone for laughter and bonding.
For instance, "Two Truths and a Lie" can be a fantastic icebreaker. It's a chance for you and your date to learn more about each other in a playful way. You'll share three statements about yourselves: two of them true and one a lie. As you take turns guessing which statement is the lie, you'll have a chance to tell fun stories and deepen your connection.
Another option is to play "Would You Rather." This game offers a delightful opportunity to explore each other's preferences and quirks. Would you rather spend a day exploring a bustling city or relaxing on a remote beach? Would you rather have the ability to time travel or read minds? These questions can lead to intriguing conversations and provide insight into your date's personality.
Icebreaker games like "Two Truths and a Lie" or "Would You Rather?" can help you avoid awkward silence by adding some structure to the conversation.
As always, keep it light. Try to steer clear of heavier topics like money, politics, and medical issues for now. The goal is to create a relaxed and enjoyable atmosphere where you can both let your guards down and be yourselves. It's a chance to share laughs, make memories, and strengthen your connection.
Talk About Your Surroundings
Use your surroundings as conversation starters. Imagine you're at a cozy cafe with your date. You could start by remarking on the charming decor – perhaps the vintage posters on the walls or the soothing color scheme. This opens up opportunities to ask questions like, "Do you have a favorite type of ambiance when you go out for coffee?" or "What's the most unique cafe you've ever been to?"
If you're at a restaurant, take note of the menu options. You might comment on the variety of dishes available or the chef's special for the evening. This could lead to discussions about food preferences, favorite cuisines, or memorable dining experiences. Ask your date about their favorite dish or what they like to cook at home.
Talking about what's happening around you can help you and your date stay in the moment.
Talking with your date about the things going on around you not only keeps the conversation flowing but also shows that you're interested in sharing the experience with them. Plus, it can create a comfortable atmosphere where both of you feel more at ease expressing yourselves in the moment.
Express Genuine Interest
When you're on a date, what's more appealing than someone who is truly interested in what you have to say, who actively engages with your thoughts and experiences, and who listens with intent rather than just waiting for their turn to speak?
Showing genuine interest in your date's thoughts, opinions, and experiences is not just a nicety; it's the only real way to form a connection. It's about more than just nodding along politely—it's about actively engaging with what they're saying, asking insightful questions, and showing that you value their perspective.
Active listening is key here. That means giving your date your full attention, making eye contact, and really focusing on what they're saying rather than letting your mind wander. Resist the urge to interrupt or interject with your own thoughts; instead, give them space to express themselves fully.
Showing genuine interest in your date's thoughts, opinions, and experiences is not just a nicety; it's the only real way to form a connection.
Asking follow-up questions is another crucial aspect of showing genuine interest. This demonstrates that you're not just passively listening, but actively engaging with what they're saying and trying to understand them better.
Expect Some Silence
Awkward silence can sometimes sneak up on us during a date. You know, when the conversation hits a lull, and suddenly you're both just sitting there, not sure what to say next. It's a moment that can make even the most confident person feel a little uneasy.
But “awkward” silence isn't always a bad thing. In fact, it can be quite natural and even a sign of comfort between two people. When you're truly comfortable with someone, you don't always feel the need to fill every moment with chatter. Sometimes, just being together in silence can be enough.
So, next time you find yourself in the midst of an awkward silence, take a deep breath and relax. Instead of scrambling to come up with something to say, try to embrace the moment for what it is. Maybe take the opportunity for some quiet reflection or simply enjoy each other's company without the pressure of constant conversation.
Quiet moments are natural and can be a sign of comfort between two people.
When you're on a date with someone new, don't worry about a little bit of a lull in conversation. By incorporating these strategies into your dates, you can navigate awkward silence with confidence and ensure that both you and your date have a positive and enjoyable experience.
Is Raya Worth It? A Review of Luxury Dating Apps
Finding someone can be hard, and any tool that can help you navigate the murky waters of the dating scene is welcome, right? There are endless apps and sites aimed at singles who are looking for someone special.
The most popular services are mass-market dating apps like Bumble and Tinder, but there are more exclusive options for high-end clientele. But what if—just like their free and low-cost counterparts—these luxury platforms are more headache than they’re worth?
Why Users Are Leaving Apps
It’s no surprise that the issues plaguing dating apps exist pretty much across the board. The market is dominated by Bumble and Match Group, the company that owns Hinge, Tinder, OKCupid, and several other platforms. Most of these apps share a similar swipe-to-match format, making the user experience largely indistinguishable.
This popular format heavily features users’ photos. This is part of why dating apps foster a very appearance-focused environment, making it harder for users to feel comfortable as they look for connections. As one person tells The Guardian, “The apps are algorithmic doom barrels.”
“It does not matter how handsome or beautiful or charming you are, there is this underlying tension that you are 10 swipes away from a person that outranks you on the conventional beauty and charisma scale. It’s enough to make you feel all the insecurities that you haven’t needed to swallow since you were a teenager and a whole realm of new adult ones.”
Dating App User, 29
This is far from the only issue with the apps’ designs. A lawsuit was brought against Match Group claiming that the company’s apps are designed to be addictive. Experts have found that dating apps light up the same areas of the brain as slot machines and addictive substances.
Despite apps’ gamification strategies, it appears that users are actually leaving once-popular platforms en masse. Despite plans for new features and specialty services, the apps are still struggling.
According to the New York Times, this is because users, especially young people, are looking to social media for online connections. Users are also less willing to pay for premium features that don’t yield premium results.
Are Luxury Dating Apps Better?
The services designed to be luxury experiences really aren’t all that different. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to determine at a glance which services are designed for relationship-minded singles.
Many platforms cater instead to sugar dating, semi-transactional relationships in which one partner receives gifts and/or a financial allowance in exchange for their romantic companionship. These relationships are typically between a younger and older partner, most commonly an older man and younger woman.
While there are plenty of scammy sugar dating sites to sift through, you’ll find few legitimate options. When it comes to the app market, there are a few to choose from, all with their own pros and cons. These are some that we discovered:
Luxy
Luxy is an app that offers bespoke matches based on exclusivity. Getting onto the platform is a feat in itself, with more than three-fourths of applicants being turned away during the 24-hour review period. Verified millionaires and those who pay to use the app can skip this waiting period.
Luxy’s acceptance criteria include “soft factors” like occupation, education, and profile photos. This ensures exclusivity, but it also means that tons of eligible applicants are never seen by others on the app. Many people attain a highly successful lifestyle through nontraditional paths, and these people will find it harder to qualify for Luxy.
One interesting thing about Luxy is that it very explicitly bans “sugar dating”. The app positions itself as a place for millionaires to meet millionaires. However, the app’s income verification is optional, making it difficult to ensure that only the top 1% of singles are present on the app. ID verification is done using an AI-powered software.
Pros
- Exclusive membership pool
- Sugar dating is banned.
Cons
- Low acceptance rate
- AI used for ID verification.
- Income verification is optional.
- Paying members can skip the 24-hour verification period.
Raya
Raya is one of the most exclusive online dating platforms operating today. For starters, you can’t just apply to join. First, a current Raya member has to refer you, then you’ll be invited to apply for membership. After that, you’ll be invited to join if your application is accepted.
While you don’t have to be a celebrity to make the cut, it certainly helps. The app, meant for creative professionals, requires its users to hand over their Instagram account as part of the application process.
While the company hasn’t published any specific requirements, it’s rumored that users need a minimum number of followers. Of the people who follow you, there need to be enough current Raya members present to seal the deal.
Once you make it onto the app, it’s a lot like the swipe-left, swipe-right format of other popular dating apps. Profiles are photo-centric, and writing a bio is optional. Raya does require an Instagram handle, providing users a small glimpse of their potential matches off the app.
Pros
- Truly exclusive
- Membership of high-level professionals
- Celebrity-spotting
- Instagram handles provide more information about other users.
Cons
- Only for creative industries
- Invasive sign-up process
- Need to have Raya members in your Instagram follower list.
- User experience is similar to other dating apps.
The League
When you join The League, it can go a few different ways. Most people download the app and join the waitlist, which can take a few months. Other lucky users can skip the line by paying for a membership or being referred by a friend on the app.
It’s worth noting that The League is owned by Match Group, the company currently under fire for its apps addictive features. While there are features of the app that are unique to The League, the basic concept is quite similar to the typical swiping format.
The main difference is the number of profiles you’ll see. Members of the free version of The League are only shown three potential matches per day, while the highest tier of membership, which costs hundreds of dollars per week, affords users seven profiles to peruse each day.
The information on all these profiles is taken from users’ LinkedIn profiles, which are manually screened by reviewers to determine eligibility. Once your profile is reviewed, you’ll be admitted to The League if you live in one of the cities they’re located in.
Pros
- Exclusive membership
- In-person events
- Members are all vetted.
Cons
- You’ll need to update your LinkedIn to apply.
- Paid features are expensive and don’t offer much more than the free version.
- Match Group has been sued for addictive app features.
All in all, it seems like luxury sites and apps are just as hit-or-miss as their mass-market counterparts, just with a higher price tag. If you’re looking for true luxury dating experience, look no further than a skilled matchmaker.
What We Offer
At Executive Matchmakers, we provide something more than just a database of members to endlessly sift through. We provide stellar introductions with eligible potential partners.
Private: We understand the sensitive nature of working with a matchmaker, which is why your membership will be kept private. We don’t post your profile, name, or photos, so you can join with the peace of mind that only a professional matchmaker can offer.
Personalized: There are no generic profiles or sifting through members. With Executive Matchmakers, you can date your way. Using our Signature Match process, we tailor your search to your unique personal preferences.
Commitment-Minded: Our service is designed for those who are ready to get off the dating treadmill and into a happy, fulfilling, long-term relationship. For successful singles who aren’t willing to compromise on quality, there’s no better choice than Executive Matchmakers.
Six Signs You Should See Them Again
There’s so much advice out there about how to have a successful first date, but what do you do after that? Unpacking the experience of meeting someone new is often more complicated than we would like. It’s pretty rare that a date is completely perfect from start to finish.
Awkward silences, miscommunications, and mismatched expectations can all make first dates a bumpy ride, but they don’t necessarily mean there’s no potential connection to pursue. If you’re not sure whether you should go on a second date, don’t worry. Here are a few signs it’s worth seeing them again.
Good Sign: You Had Great Conversation
If your first date was marked by effortless conversation where words just seemed to flow, that's a fantastic sign! It means you're comfortable with each other, and that's a solid foundation for more dates.
Having a great conversation is more simple than you might think. According to several experts, including Morra Aarons-Mele, author of Hiding In the Bathroom: An Introvert’s Roadmap to Getting Out There (When You’d Rather Stay Home), the secret is to listen as much or more than you talk.
“If you just talk a lot you might get exhausted, but if you ask questions and listen and draw people out, they’ll think you’re a great conversationalist.”
Morra Aarons-Mele
A smooth conversation makes the date more relaxed and fun, and that makes it easier for both of you to be yourselves. This can clue you into your compatibility as partners. While we recommend keeping it positive and relatively light, letting the conversation flow where it may can reveal the answer to any number of questions about your connection.
Good Sign: You Discovered Shared Interests
Did you discover that you both have a passion for hiking, a love for movie musicals, or an obsession with trying out new cuisines? Finding common ground can be like striking gold. It gives you something to bond over and ensures that future dates won't be short of fun activities to do together.
When you find common ground, it's easier to feel comfortable with each other and enjoy meaningful conversations. Shared interests provide a foundation for deeper connections to develop over time. When you have things in common, you're more likely to understand each other's perspectives and enjoy spending time together.
Shared interests can often reflect underlying values and goals. Discovering that you have similar priorities can be reassuring and increase the potential for a long-term relationship.
Good Sign: There was Chemistry
Chemistry is like a spark that makes you feel drawn to each other. Did you find yourself laughing at their jokes, feeling a flutter in your stomach when they smiled, or just enjoying their company? If so, you might have stumbled upon something special.
“Chemistry” in the dating world isn’t just chemical reactions. It’s a combination of things like physical attraction, shared interests, and engaging conversation. When you have chemistry, conversations feel easy, and you're excited to spend more time together.
While this is a great early sign, it’s important to remember that chemistry alone will not sustain your relationship for long. For surface-level interactions, this is enough, but a serious relationship thrives on a deeper connection. Often, an initial spark is simply lust, and this will fade over time if not supported by a strong foundation.
Good Sign: There was Mutual Respect
Pay attention to how your date treats you and others. Do they listen attentively when you speak? Are they courteous to the waiter? Respect and consideration are non-negotiables in any relationship. If your date checks these boxes, it's definitely a green light for a second outing.
Respect fosters open communication, trust, and empathy, which are essential elements for a successful relationship. When both individuals show respect for each other's opinions, boundaries, and feelings, it creates a sense of safety and comfort. This indicates that you value each other as individuals and are interested in building a connection based on mutual understanding and consideration.
Good Sign: You Have Shared Values
While opposites may attract, shared values are the glue that holds relationships together in the long run. Did you discover that you both value honesty, kindness, or adventure? When your core beliefs align, it paves the way for a deeper connection and a stronger bond.
The old adage that opposites attract is more myth than reality, as it turns out. In a study published by the journal Nature Human Behavior, researchers found that couples share about 89% of traits. This includes things like how often they smoke or drink water, as well as deeper traits like political compass and religious beliefs.
Good Sign: You Want To See Them Again
The biggest tell-tale sign? You find yourself eagerly looking forward to seeing them again. Whether it's because you can't wait to hear about their latest travel adventure or simply because being around them makes you happy, that anticipation speaks volumes.
While the chemical cocktail created by lust in your brain is often nothing more than that, sometimes it can indicate the beginning of something deeper. When you begin falling in love, it changes your brain.
"When you fall in love, your body produces a cocktail of chemicals, including dopamine (for wanting more), noradrenaline (for excitement, focus, and attention), testosterone (for sexual interest and drive), and a drop in serotonin (which can cause that low-key obsessive feeling). These chemicals make us feel happy, giddy, energetic, euphoric, and youthful."
Kelifern Pomeranz, PsyD, psychologist and sex therapist
So don’t worry if you feel nervous about asking for a second date. Those butterflies in your stomach are trying to tell you this is an opportunity to connect with someone special.
In the end, trust your instincts. If your gut is telling you that a second date is worth exploring, then go for it! After all, love and connection are all about taking chances and following your heart. So why not see where the road leads? Who knows, it might just be the start of something beautiful.
These TED Talks Will Change Your Love Life
Looking for a few minutes of relationship wisdom? These speakers offer diverse perspectives on love, dating, and relationships—and this is just the tip of the iceberg.
In a world where dating and relationships are only growing more complex, it’s comforting to have so many knowledgeable people to lean on. Whether you want to up your flirting game, find the one, or learn the signs of a potentially volatile relationship, these TED speakers have you covered.
“True love that is not backed up by the right action is not true love.”
We’ve compiled a list of our favorite TED talks about dating, love, and relationships. Read on for some sage wisdom, right from the experts themselves.
Katie Hood - The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Love
“It’s important to remember it’s not how a relationship starts that matters, it’s how it evolves.”
Not all love is healthy love. In this TED Talk, Katie Hood, the former CEO of the One Love Foundation, outlines the warning signs of unhealthy love. These are red flag behaviors that if unaddressed can escalate and become abusive.
She highlights five features of unhealthy love to look out for: intensity, isolation, extreme jealousy, belittling, and volatility. These things can be hard to spot at the beginning of a relationship, but Hood says keeping an eye out for them is essential for your well-being. Abusive relationships become more difficult to leave over time, so it’s important to know the signs.
Jean Smith - The Science of Flirting: Being a H.O.T. A.P.E.
Social anthropologist Jean Smith has a method for flirting and recognizing when someone is flirting with you. She calls it the H.O.T. A.P.E. method. After researching the flirting behaviors of four major cities—New York, London, Paris, and Stockholm—she discovered patterns in the way singles try to attract one another.
The six-letter acronym provides a blueprint for flirting as well as a way to tell if someone is a good potential partner for you. If the H.O.T. A.P.E. method fails, it’s probably a sign to look for a connection elsewhere.
Dr. Terri Orbuch - Is It Lust or Is It Love?
Relationship researcher Dr. Terri Orbuch outlines the difference between love and lust. While the states seem similar at first glance, Dr. Orbuch illustrates how love and lust are two different things altogether.
She explains the four key differences between love and lust, highlighting how each affects a relationship. Love, she says, is a more complicated state than lust. While lust is at its highest at the beginning of a relationship, love gets stronger as your connection grows.
Femi Ogunjinmi - How To Tell If Someone Truly Loves You
In this powerful talk, relationship coach Femi Ogunjinmi illustrates that true love is a choice you make. Instead of a static state of being, to be in love is an active decision, something you have to choose and work for. True love, Ogunjinmi says, is seen in your actions toward your partner.
He highlights different kinds of love and explains how they’re different from the commitment and care required by a serious romantic relationship. Agape love, he says, is the truest form of love, and it is the only way to sustain a relationship.
Bela Gandhi - The Big Secret to Finding Lasting Love
Nobody teaches you to find a partner. In her career, Bela Gandhi discovered that singles’ dating checklists were oftentimes stopping them from finding love. Instead of the usual fare—“tall” is the common request from ladies, while guys want someone “attractive”—she’s teaching singles to redesign their checklists.
By looking at non-physical traits and examining the other important relationships in her clients’ lives, she helps them reimagine their “dream partner” and find their true dating priorities. Gandhi’s goal is to get her clients to stop looking for what they want in a partner and start looking for what she calls “elevator” qualities. And her approach seems to work—as of the day she gave this talk, none of her clients have gotten divorced.
Brené Brown - The Power of Vulnerability
Brené Brown is a storyteller and researcher who studies human connection: the ways we get it and what stands in the way of connection. Her research led her to look closer at what people who practice “whole-hearted living” all have in common. This group of people, “the whole-hearted”, she comes to define as those who repeatedly show the courage to be imperfect, in their lives and relationships. They also seem to understand that vulnerability is crucial for connection. Examples of what people consider acts of vulnerability include being the first to say “I love you” in a new relationship, being the one to initiate sex with their partner, and being willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. Brown says, “These people show the willingness to do something when there are no guarantees.”
Nancy Benitez - How to Find Your Perfect Partner
After a stint on an online dating platform that didn’t lead to the fulfilling love she was looking for, men’s dating coach Nancy Benitez decided to try a different approach. Instead of looking for a partner somewhere around her, she started looking inward to find her perfect partner.
In this talk, she highlights the questions she used to gain clarity on her journey. She advises questioning yourself and your patterns. In order to change your life, you need to change your mindset. By practicing self-reflection and allowing the journey to unfold naturally, you can find beautiful, strong, authentic connections.
Ronit Ranjan - How To Find Love Again
Even if we’re fortunate to spend most of our lives with the same partner, most of us will fall in love many times throughout our lives. Beginning with his earliest heartbreaks, life coach Ronit Ranjan illustrates that looking for a relationship is not the same as looking for the right relationship. By trying to force a connection with incompatible people, he discovered the secret to finding fulfilling love.
By getting comfortable being alone, Ranjan learned to do the difficult internal work necessary to find the right relationship. In this talk, he breaks down the process into three steps to help you reach a place where you’re ready to find love again.
Anne Power - Attachment Theory is the Science of Love
In this enlightening talk, therapist Anne Power explains the history and science of attachment theory. Our ideas of love begin to form early in life, and researchers have spent decades studying the causes and effects of our childhood and adult attachment styles.
Understanding your own attachment style and how it might impact your relationship can save you headaches and heartbreak down the line. Power explains the basics of attachment with three points: all of our behavior makes sense in context, feeling safe with others enables us to learn, and you can find safety by slowing down and thinking clearly.
Amanda McCracken - How Longing Keeps Us From Healthy Relationships
Can you be in love with longing? Amanda McCracken thinks so. After her essay exploring her personal decision to wait for a committed relationship to have sex for the first time went viral, 35-year-old McCracken began to wonder if she might be in love with the idea of perfection she could never actually find.
Intimacy requires being vulnerable, and that can be scary. Longing allows us to hide from our fear of making the wrong choice, but if it’s not kept in check it can also stop us from finding the relationship we’re longing for. Making a change is hard, but it’s the only way to create the life you want to live.
Michelle Drouin - Online Love & Infidelity. We're in the Game, What Are the Rules?
The internet has permanently changed the way dating works. Instead of approaching in person, younger people especially are approaching each other digitally. Dating sites and apps have made the options in our dating pools essentially endless. So in this new dating landscape, what are the rules?
Dr. Michelle Drouin, a developmental psychologist, has studied just this. People misrepresent themselves online all the time, and this has a disturbing effect on our relationships. She describes the ways people communicate online, what it means to keep someone on the “back burner”, and so much more.
Want more advice on how you can up your game? Check out our blog for advice on first-date outfits, making conversation, vulnerability, and so much more.
8 Questions to Ask Yourself After a Date
When you’re single and looking for a relationship, figuring out exactly what you want can be tough. Superficial requirements make their way onto your relationship checklist, and it can be difficult to ditch those dealbreakers once you’ve racked them up.
The superficiality trap isn’t the only reason it can be difficult to tell who might be a good partner. Traits that seem ideal in theory might not be attractive in reality. Things like attachment style and past relationship experiences lead many of us to naturally gravitate toward partners who aren’t great relationship choices.
So after you part ways, how do you know if you should see them again? Tricky as it can be, figuring out whether a second date is a good idea is a skill that we can all benefit from in our dating life.
Logan Ury is a relationship expert, dating coach, and behavior scientist. She created a list of eight questions to ask yourself after a date. The point of these questions is to evaluate the date based on how you feel. Ury says that judging based on your emotions, not your expectations, will give you a better idea of whether your date might eventually lead to a relationship.
“We spend dates asking ourselves "Do they check all the boxes?" instead of focusing on how they make us feel. Checklists aren't inherently bad, but most people's lists focus on the wrong things - superficial traits that are not correlated with long-term relationship success.” -Logan Ury, behavior scientist and dating coach
Taking a few minutes to reflect will help you figure out if you want to see that person again or if you're better off moving on. Here are eight questions to ask yourself after a date, according to a relationship scientist.
1. What side of me did they bring out?
Thinking about what aspects of yourself came out during the date can help you understand how you felt around the other person. Did you feel like you could be yourself, or did you act differently? It's important because it shows if the relationship is bringing out your true self or if there are things you need to think about. Your self-awareness can help in evaluating the compatibility and potential of your connection.
2. How did my body feel during the date? Stiff, relaxed, or somewhere in between?
Your emotions can affect your body. Thinking about how your body reacted can help you understand your feelings better. If you were anxious or stressed on your date, you might have felt tense. If you were happy and enjoying yourself, you likely felt more comfortable physically.
It’s normal to have some nerves when you’re seeing someone new. However, if your body is communicating discomfort, it’s worth taking time to reflect on why you felt this way.
Your body language can also give you valuable insight. For example, if you noticed that you were leaning in and making eye contact easily, it could mean that you were engaged and interested in the conversation. However, body language like crossing your arms and fidgeting in your seat could be a sign of discomfort or disinterest.
3. Do I feel more energized or de-energized than I did before the date?
This question can help you gauge your emotional response to your date’s relational energy. Mostly used in organizational psychology, this term can also apply to the way interacting with someone leaves you feeling. People with positive relational energy will leave you feeling happier and more energized, while negative relational energy can be draining.
If you feel more energized, it likely means you had a good time, enjoyed the conversation, and felt a connection with your date. On the other hand, feeling de-energized might suggest that the date was draining, uninteresting, or uncomfortable.
4. Is there something about them that I’m curious about?
Curiosity is a fundamental aspect of building rapport and understanding with someone new. If there's something about them that makes you want to ask lots of questions, it's a sign of chemistry and potential compatibility. It shows that you're genuinely interested in getting to know them better, beyond surface-level interactions.
5. Did they make me laugh?
For many of us, a similar sense of humor is an important factor in deciding whether there's potential for a relationship to develop further. Genuine laughter is a sure sign of a great date. It shows you enjoyed each other's company and probably have some things in common. It's another sign that you felt relaxed and comfortable around your date.
6. Did I feel heard?
Feeling heard means that your thoughts, feelings, and perspectives were acknowledged and respected by your date. Effective communication and feeling understood are essential components of a healthy relationship. If you didn't feel heard, it might indicate a lack of mutual understanding or empathy, which could be a red flag in a relationship.
Pay attention to whether your interest and curiosity are returned. If your date didn’t ask any questions about you, they might not be ready to connect with you on a deeper level. They might just need more time to warm up, but this is something to keep in mind, especially if you’re ready for a serious relationship.
7. Did I feel attractive in their presence?
Reflecting on whether you felt attractive in someone's presence can help you consider a few things. Firstly, you can tell a lot about your chemistry. If you felt attractive, your date likely seemed interested in you, and vice versa.
This question can also highlight any insecurities or doubts you may have about yourself. We all have insecurities. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but sometimes self-doubt can make it harder to connect with others. Asking yourself if you felt attractive can help you update your date night wardrobe with items that make you feel confident in your appearance.
8. Did I feel captivated, bored, or something in between?
Thinking about how you felt during and after a date can tell you a lot about whether you really clicked with the person. If you felt interested and connected, that's a good sign. It suggests there was genuine interest and chemistry, and it could point to future compatibility.
On the other hand, if you felt bored, it might imply a lack of compatibility or engagement. Dating comes with its fair share of awkward moments, but if you really didn’t click at all, then it might be time to look elsewhere for your long-term partner.
The Importance of Reflection
In the early stages of dating someone, it’s important to stay attuned to your feelings. Often we get so caught up in an idea of who our new interest might be that we don’t get to know who they actually are. To counteract this, we recommend our clients meet their matchmaking introductions in person three times before making any final decisions.
This approach called the Three Date Rule, allows both you and your date to get more comfortable and familiar with one another. Nerves and mismatched expectations can easily get in your way on a first date. By giving yourselves more time to decide how you feel, you can make a more informed decision about potential partners.
Checking in with your feelings after each date can help you stay grounded and keep your expectations realistic. Instead of clouding your first impression with nervousness and unmet expectations, these eight questions can help you reflect on how you genuinely feel about your date. Ury says this is a crucial step in finding a happy, loving partnership. Relationships can’t survive on expectations; you have to like each other, too.