Dating

Imbalance in Your Relationship: Should You Stay or Should You Go?

Nothing in life is even, fair, or balanced. There is always a give and take, credits and debits. But what happens when there’s a significant imbalance in your relationship for a long period of time? When one of you isn’t pulling your weight and the other's love tank is running on fumes?

Relationships are never 50/50, despite couples unfairly using this as the golden rule. Sometimes the split is 60/40 or even a 25/75 ratio. Life throws different challenges at us—work stress, family obligations, personal health. Shifting efforts is common and expected.

When it becomes a problem is when those inequities remain imbalanced long-term. Partnerships don’t run on autopilot. Both parties must take the driver’s seats at times. Great partnerships have two sets of keys and you both need to drive from time to time.

A strong relationship is flexible and resilient, adapting to these fluctuations with grace. When both partners recognize and effectively communicate about shifts in their dynamic, they can support each other better and maintain a healthy relationship.

You Get Out What You Put in

My great-grandmother would always give me this advice:

With anything you do, the outcome will always reflect the amount of effort you put into it.

If you’re not expending the energy it takes to keep your relationship going, it will suffer. 

Relationships aren’t passive pleasures. They require continual effort and constant work. When one person stops actively participating, both people feel the effects. One person can only carry the weight for so long before it fails.  

Think of your relationship as a garden. Without regular tending—watering, weeding, and nurturing—it won’t flourish. Your consistent effort encourages the trust, intimacy, and growth that your relationship needs to thrive. For a healthy relationship garden, both partners need to invest time and effort.

Don't Put Your Effort Into Overdrive

So what happens when there is an imbalance in your relationship and your partner is perfectly content with cruising along in the passenger seat? If your primary Love Language is quality time or acts of service, you probably tend to make life pretty easy for them.

Years ago, I had a boyfriend whose job required him to move every two years. It was a financially sound, yet nomadic life best suited for someone single. When we first met, we were only an hour apart. But soon, visiting him required a flight instead of a tank of gas.

Before every move, we set expectations of how often we needed to talk on the phone and see one another before he moved on to the next new town.

I should note, made a conscious decision to view each of his relocations as a positive thing. Now, we could experience so many new firsts together.

So, taking two planes to see him was an adventure resulting in new shared experiences instead viewing it as a detriment of distance. After years of this, I paused one day and realized how much inequity of effort there really was in my relationship. His life became so easy. He no longer had to get on a plane, or drive to see me because he knew, even expected, me to do all the leg work of travel. He no longer had to try, because he knew I would.

What do you do when your relationship is out of balance and your partner is content to coast? If your love language is also quality time or acts of service, you might find yourself making all of the effort for them. Over time, this can lead to burnout and resentment, so try to talk it out before you reach this point. Often when resentment begins to grow, it can be difficult to weed out. It's best to nip it in the bud and bring your relationship into a more balanced state.

Does the Weight of Your Effort Need to Go on a Diet?

In my own case, I realized that all of the growth, strength, and longevity of this long-distance relationship was solely attributed to the heaviness of the sacrifices and effort that I put in.

So, I stopped. I went on an effort diet. I stopped getting on planes. I stopped driving hours through multiple states. I stopped getting a house sitter for my pets. I simply stopped putting that level of effort into us, with the belief that he would jump into the driver’s seat.  

Guess what? We crashed and burned. Connectivity and communication halted. It is not easy to let go of the heaviness of your efforts, but at what point do you demand to fix the imbalance in your relationship? When it was his turn, he dropped the ball. I often would talk to him about it, inviting him to visit or join in on various activities in my city to no avail.  

Could I have continued as I had been? Yes. But, why would anyone opt to stay with someone who consciously chooses to not try? As a result, our relationship faded away, but sometimes break ups are positive things. Sometimes, letting go of your efforts is hard, but it’s necessary to see if your partner will meet you halfway.

This experiment can be revealing; it shows whether your partner values and respects your contributions. An effort diet isn’t about playing games or testing your partner but about creating space for a healthier, more balanced dynamic. If your partner rises to the occasion, take the opportunity to begin meeting one another in the middle again. If they don’t step up, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.

Divorce Your Effort

If there is an imbalance in your relationship, and things aren’t 50/50 don’t panic. Just like life, relationships consist of constant ebb and flow. If there is no shift in the weight of your effort compared to your partner’s for a significant length of time, that’s when you need to take action.

Relax your level of effort and allow your partner to take the wheel. 

You will quickly see whether they’re a true partner, or your relationship’s success falls solely on your shoulders. If that’s the case, disengage from the imbalance in your relationship and reinvest that effort into yourself.

Invest in Yourself

If your partner isn’t willing to put in the effort for your relationship, it’s time to reinvest in yourself. Taking care of your mental and emotional health is crucial for your well-being and future relationships.

Investing in yourself means pursuing your passions, nurturing your friendships, and prioritizing your mental and physical health. When you're able to recognize your worth, you refuse to settle for less than you deserve. By focusing on personal growth and self-love, you'll attract healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Remember,

The most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself. When you value and respect yourself, others will too. Self care is healthy for you and for your future relationship. Then, you can focus on finding a partner who wants to invest in you. Never doubt it, you are worth the effort.

by Lindsay Mills

How to Tell People You’re Working with a Matchmaker

When Jill’s matchmaker introduced her to Mike, she couldn’t help but believe she had finally found The One. Not only was he incredibly handsome–but he was kind, funny, and called when he said he would. In Jill’s mind, Mike was perfect in every way.

The only problem? One pesky question that kept coming up every time she talked about him to her friends.

“So, how did you guys meet?”

Jill hated the question. She wasn’t a liar, but she wasn’t necessarily ready to share the truth either.

Although she loved Mike, it made her anxious to imagine her entire social circle knowing that she had hired a matchmaker.

Doubts swirled through her mind: What will they think of me? Will they judge me for not finding love on my own? Will they laugh at me behind my back?

The Matchmaking Stigma

There are lots of myths regarding professional matchmaking memberships. One of the biggest is that these services are only for those unable to find love on their own. That, obviously, couldn’t be further from the truth. People seek out matchmakers out of frustration, not desperation.

At its core, matchmaking is about taking control of your love life. Those who seek out matchmakers realize that it is the best way to save time, energy, and money while dating. Most importantly, matchmaking is the surest way to find real, lasting love in the modern dating market.

Despite finding positive results from matchmaking, many members continue to feel shame about using any sort of dating service. They might experience enormous success with their matchmaker yet feel like they’re holding a dirty secret from everyone else in their life!

It can be incredibly embarrassing, then, when a friend or family member asks about the origins of your relationship and you don’t know how to respond.

It’s important to remember that matchmaking is nothing to be ashamed about. Dating should be a happy experience that is free from any fear of judgment from others.

However, when the feelings persist, it’s helpful to know how to respond to curious friends.

How to Answer the “How Did You Meet?” Question

“So, how did you two meet?”

If that question makes you stop in your tracks, don’t stress. Thankfully, there are several ways to approach the subject–and it doesn’t always mean sharing all the intimate details of your private life.

If you’re asked about your relationship and you don’t know how to answer, here are a few fool-proof ideas of what to say.

Keep it Vague

If the idea of telling friends and family that you are working with a matchmaker makes you want to hide in the corner, don’t worry. You’re not alone. Many clients prefer to keep things discrete, especially during the early stages of their dating journey.

Here are some responses that are so general, they’re guaranteed not to raise eyebrows.

“A friend in common introduced us. We’ve been inseparable ever since!”

To make it all sound even more casual, you can even name-drop your matchmaker! Matchmaking is something that’s gone on among friends since the dawn of time. By mentioning that a “friend” set you up, you’re able to authentically tell your story while avoiding unnecessary curiosity.

“We met through our mutual friend, Marie! She kept telling us that we’d be a great fit for each other. Finally, she set us up on a blind date. Turns out, she was right!”

“Our friend, Marie, introduced us! She’s a natural matchmaker.”

With these answers, you technically won’t be lying, either.

If you’re not ready to tell the whole truth, or you just don’t feel like getting into it at the moment, there’s no issue with keeping things vague. Honestly, your love life is no one’s business but you and your partner’s.

Short and Sweet

Some clients tend to think that, because matchmaking is such a unique way to meet someone, they need to tell everyone that asks all the nitty-gritty details about their experience. Take the pressure off yourself–and the conversation–by just saying it how it is.

“We met through a matchmaker.”

The fact that you met your significant other in a unique way does not mean that you have to overexplain your story every time someone asks. Often the question “how did you meet?” is nothing more than a friendly conversation starter. It doesn’t necessarily indicate deep interest on the part of the asker. By just saying the bare minimum, you not only normalize the experience of working with a matchmaker but avoid risking overwhelming the listener with details for which they didn’t ask.

Those who do want to know more about your story will ask. If that happens, don’t assume they are judging you. Sometimes, people will ask more questions just for the sake of keeping the conversation flowing. Assume their interest is purely curious and not out of a place of negativity.

At that point, feel free to elaborate–but don’t feel pressured to go into depth about your entire story. Only say what you’re comfortable saying and nothing more.

Embrace the Originality

So what you didn’t meet your significant other in college, at work, or through mutual friends? You’re too original for that!

While meeting people the old-fashioned way tends to be the most socially acceptable way to find love, it doesn’t make for a very interesting story. Embrace your originality being forthright about working with a matchmaker.

The best part is, you don’t have to wait until you’ve found love to tell them! The fact that you’re trying something new is something of which to be proud. Sharing your progress with others might encourage them to take more risks in their love life, too.

Own your matchmaking experience with openness. Here are some ideas of what you could say to others even before you’re asked:

“Hey, did you know I started working with a matchmaker? I’ve already got my first date lined up next week!”

“I have to tell you about this guy my matchmaker set me up with! He’s so handsome and we really hit it off on our date. My matchmaker really knows what she’s doing.”

Matchmaking is a privilege and something that not everybody can afford. It’s also sort of a love-life power move. Make it clear that you were willing to invest for the best with these responses:

“I can’t afford to waste any time on guys who aren’t in my league. My matchmaker ensures that all of my dates are actually qualified to be with me.”

“There are so many women who just want me for my money. Working with a matchmaker is the safest way for a man in my position to date.”

These answers show that you are confident in your decision, that you take love very seriously in your life, and that your time is too important to waste. People will likely want to know more about you and what led you to this decision.

Even if all it took was your matchmaker making a simple introduction, the fact that you meet your significant through a matchmaker is unique in its own right.

So, if you’re out with friends and you sense the conversation coming to a lull, remember that you’ve got something special up your sleeve that makes your love story instantly more intriguing. Channel your inner Bonnie Raitt and give ‘em something to talk about!

Trust Yourself

At the end of the day, you joined a matchmaking service for a reason. No, not because you were desperate or weren’t capable of finding love on your own. It was because you knew in your heart that matchmaking was the surest, simplest method to find your ideal match.

You know what’s best for you and your life. So, don’t worry about the opinions of others. Remember to trust yourself and your decisions.

Once you finally meet that special someone, you’ll know that what’s most important isn’t how you met, but that you’re together now.

by Molly Monroe

How to Flirt Over Text: Your Guide to Better Messaging

Imagine you meet someone interesting at a friend’s party, and you’ve exchanged numbers. You want your texts to stand out and create a spark, but what do you say?

Flirting over text can be a blast. It can help you add excitement and fun to your conversations. In today's world, where we often chat through screens, knowing how to flirt via text will not only make your messages more fun, it could actually be a make or break moment for your new connection!

Whether you're just starting to get to know someone or want to add some spark to an existing connection, your texting game can make a big difference. In this blog post, we'll share simple tips and tricks to help you flirt like a pro over text.

Start By Saying Hi

Kick off your conversation with a warm and casual greeting to set a positive tone. A simple "Hey there! How's your day going?" or "Hi! What have you been up to today?" can go a long way in breaking the ice. This approach shows that you're approachable and genuinely interested in starting a conversation.

According to Dr. Darcy Sterling, a licensed clinical social worker and relationships expert, when you're flirting over text it’s not as simple as turning on the charm all at once. Flirting that way can be like flipping a switch, which is confusing and possibly off-putting for your texting partner. It can help, she says, to think of flirting more like a dial that you slowly turn up over time. Start small and turn it up only if they’re receptive.

A positive attitude is contagious—your good vibes will likely make the other person feel happy and excited to chat with you. By keeping it light and friendly, you create a comfortable space for the other person to respond.

Examples:

• "Hey! How's your day going?"
• "Hi there! 😊 What are you up to?"

Give Genuine Compliments

A sincere compliment can make a big impact; it lets them know that you’re interested and not afraid to show it. Instead of generic praises, focus on something unique about the person you're texting. Maybe they have a great sense of humor, a captivating smile, or a passion for something that really stands out. Let them know what you genuinely appreciate about them.

A heartfelt compliment not only makes the other person feel good but also shows that you’re paying attention and genuinely interested in who they are, not just trying to play the field.

Examples:

• "I love your smile in your profile picture!"
• "You always know how to make me laugh."

Use Emojis

Emojis are a great tool to make your flirty texts more engaging and expressive. They help convey your tone and emotions, adding a playful and lighthearted touch to your messages. Emojis can help the other person understand if you’re joking, teasing, or being charming.

For instance, a wink 😉 can suggest a flirty vibe, while a heart ❤️ can show affection. Some others that flirty texters tend to send are the “see-no-evil” monkey 🙈, the “eyes looking” 👀, and the smiling devil 😈. These all add a little mischief to your messages, so sprinkle them in when you’d like to be a little more playful.

Other emojis are understood to have an overtly sexual meaning. A flirty emoji can make your messages more exciting, but sending an eggplant might not get the reaction you intend.

Examples:

• Are you always this charming, or is it just with me?😉
• I think you might just be my favorite notification. 🙈

Ask Open-Ended Questions

When you’re flirting over text, asking open-ended questions is a powerful way to keep the conversation lively and engaging. Instead of questions that have a simple “yes” or “no” answer, try asking questions that encourage the other person to share more about themselves.

For example, instead of asking, “Did you have a good day today?” ask, “What did you do today that made you smile?” This approach not only keeps the conversation flowing but also shows genuine interest in the other person’s experiences and thoughts, helping to build a deeper connection.

Examples:

• What's something about you that you think I’d find surprising? 👀
• What’s your favorite way to spend a lazy weekend?

Be Playful, Not Sexual

Don’t be scared to have fun and let your personality shine! One great way to do this is by being playful in your messages. You can gently tease or share light-hearted jokes to create a warm and engaging atmosphere. The goal isn’t to put your date down or to hurt their feelings, so keep it lighthearted and pay attention to their reaction.

For instance, if they mention a funny incident, you might playfully tease them about it or make a clever joke to keep the conversation light and enjoyable. This approach not only shows that you’re paying attention but also helps build a connection by highlighting your playful side. While this can go a long way to build your connection, we recommend using this approach sparingly, especially early on when you’re still getting to know one another.

Examples:

• "I bet I could beat you in a game of [favorite game]."
• "If you keep being this cute, I might get distracted all day."

Share a Little About Yourself

Opening up about your interests and hobbies is a great way to create a connection and make your flirty texts more engaging. When you share what you're passionate about, it gives the other person a glimpse into your world and invites them to share their own interests too.

Whether it's talking about your love for hiking, your favorite TV shows, or a hobby you’re really into, these personal tidbits can spark interesting conversations and help build a bond. Plus, it shows that you’re open and genuine, which is always attractive.

It can be easy to get caught up talking about yourself sometimes. When you’re flirting over text, be sure to pull the conversation back around to them. This is also an easy way to work in an opportunity to ask them on a date.

Examples:

• "Do you like art? I’ve seen lots of museums, and I think you’d fit right in with the masterpieces."
• "I’ve been having a great time learning how to cook. I’d love to make you a meal sometime"

Know When to End the Conversation

Pay close attention to their responses when you're flirting over text. Are they replying quickly and enthusiastically, or are their messages becoming shorter and less frequent? If they seem less engaged, it might be a sign they need a break or they’re not feeling the spark.

If they start to seem disinterested or if their responses are lukewarm, it’s a good idea to give them some space. This shows you respect their boundaries and aren't just pushing for more conversation.

For example, you might send a message like this:

"I can't stop thinking about your smile. Would love to see it in person over coffee sometime! 😍"

…and receive a response like one of these:

• "Hey, that's so nice of you to say! I really appreciate it. Coffee sounds great—I'm always up for hanging out with friends!"
• “Aww, you’re so sweet! Coffee sounds nice, but I’m really swamped with work right now.”
• Hey! A coffee date sometime would be fun. I’ll let you know when I’m free?”

This is subtle, but reading between the lines can help you determine whether to give the conversation a break. If they seem busy, distracted, or just generally uninterested in romantic connection, take it as a sign. While these responses don’t necessarily communicate disinterest, it’s still a good idea to step back a little. If they’re interested, they’ll respond when they’re ready.

End the conversation on a high note. Wrap things up while the chat is still lively and enjoyable. This leaves them looking forward to your next message rather than feeling exhausted by the conversation. A good way to do this is to say something like, "I’ve got to run, but I’ve really enjoyed chatting. Let’s catch up later!"

By knowing when to end the conversation, you keep the interaction positive and make them excited for your next text. This balance of engaging chat and respectful distance can help build a stronger connection over time.

Examples:

• "I have to go now, but I can't wait to talk to you again!"
• "I'll talk to you later. Have an awesome day!"
• "I'll let you get back to your day. Chat later!"

Tips for Success

Be Yourself: Authenticity is incredibly attractive when flirting over text. When you’re true to who you are, your natural charm shines through, making your texts feel genuine and engaging. Avoid trying to be someone you're not, as honesty is the key to building a real connection.

Timing: Timing is everything. Don’t overwhelm the person with too many messages all at once. Give them space to respond and keep the anticipation alive. Spacing out your texts shows that you’re considerate and have a life outside of your phone.

Patience: Let the conversation flow naturally. Don’t feel pressured to rush it. Enjoy the process of getting to know each other and let the relationship develop at its own pace. Patience not only shows respect but also builds a stronger foundation for your connection.

Confidence: Be confident but not arrogant. Confidence is appealing and shows that you’re comfortable with who you are. A confident text can be playful and flirty, but remember to keep it balanced. Arrogance can be a turn-off, so aim to be self-assured without coming across as boastful.

by Darci Johnson

How to Set Your Relationship Goals—Before You Meet “The One”

When you’re wading through a sea of potential partners, you may find many promising connections, but it can be difficult to find your way to the right person for you. Setting relationship goals is a great way to guide you on your journey to finding a long-term partner.

All too often, we see clients who were in mismatched relationships—one partner wanted kids, the other didn't. One partner wanted to build their career, the other wanted to settle down. These core compatibility issues can bring a relationship to a standstill.

While there’s nothing wrong with being career-driven or wanting a family, both of these things can lead to major issues if partners aren’t in agreement about how they’ll affect your lives together. By setting a relationship goal for yourself, you can avoid wasting time in relationships that can’t give you what you want.

Here are some tips to help you set effective relationship goals:

Reflect on Past Experiences

Every relationship teaches us something about ourselves and about what we need from a partner. By reflecting on previous experiences, you can learn from your history. This can help you unpack your past and make informed decisions about your future.

What worked well in your past relationships? What didn't? Consider the qualities you appreciated in your previous partners and the ones that were deal-breakers. Use this reflection to shape your future goals.

For example, you might have really appreciated a partner who took time to plan for your birthday and anniversaries. On the other hand, another partner who constantly cancels plans because they have “something come up last minute” might not be the one for you.

By looking back on your past relationships, you can start to recognize patterns in your behavior or in the behavior of your partners. This could include tendencies to avoid conflict, struggles with communication, or recurring issues that led to the end of the relationship. Recognizing these patterns empowers you to address them and work towards healthier dynamics in future relationships.

Clarify Your Values

Reflect on what matters most to you in a relationship. These core values serve as the foundation of your partnership. They could range from honesty and communication to respect, empathy, and shared life goals. Take the time to identify which values resonate with you deeply.

Ask yourself questions like, "What qualities do I admire in others?" and "What behaviors make me feel loved and understood?" Clarifying your values provides clarity on what you need to feel fulfilled in a relationship.

Once you've established your values, get specific about what you're seeking in a partner. Your list should include traits that align with your values. For example, if you value honesty, kindness, and family, focus more on these traits when you’re dating. Someone who is physically attractive won’t make a good partner for you if your values are out of alignment.

Ask yourself questions like, "What qualities do I admire in others?" and "What behaviors make me feel loved and understood?"

Consider personality traits, interests, lifestyle preferences, and long-term aspirations. Ideally, you’ll be looking for the kind of person who compliments your strengths and supports your growth. Being clear about your desires helps you articulate your needs and preferences to potential partners, increasing the likelihood of finding a compatible match.

Prioritize Compatibility, but Stay Open-Minded

When setting relationship goals, it’s crucial to prioritize compatibility while staying open-minded. Aim to find someone compatible with you on multiple levels, including emotional, intellectual, and lifestyle compatibility. Look for someone who shares your values, interests, and life goals to increase the likelihood of a successful long-term relationship.

• Emotional compatibility involves understanding and supporting each other’s feelings, being open and vulnerable, and handling disagreements calmly.
• Intellectual compatibility means sharing interests and enjoying conversations, as well as having similar ways of solving problems and making decisions.
• Lifestyle compatibility includes aligning daily routines like sleep patterns and eating habits, as well as sharing similar goals for the future, such as career ambitions and views on family.

While it's important to have standards and know what you want, it's also essential to stay open-minded and flexible with your expectations. Knowing what you want is good, but being too strict can lead you to miss out on great people. Staying open-minded helps you find potential in unexpected places.

Be willing to give people a chance even if they don't fit your ideal criteria perfectly. Unexpected connections can lead to wonderful relationships.

Sometimes, the person who doesn’t meet all your criteria initially can turn out to be exactly what you need from a partner. People and relationships change over time, and recognizing this can strengthen your future relationship. Embracing differences can offer you chances to learn from your partner’s different perspectives.

It’s important to have standards that reflect your needs and values, but don’t be so rigid that you miss out on great potential partners. Instead of just checking off a list, focus on how you feel with the person. Consider how well you connect. This balanced approach helps you find someone who fits well with you and allows your relationship to grow and adapt over time.

Ask For Support

When it comes to setting your relationship goals, seeking support can be an invaluable part of the process. Friends and loved ones often know you well and can provide honest feedback. They can also help you identify patterns in your past relationships and create goals that align with your values and desires. They can also offer the emotional support you need to stay committed to your goals.

If you prefer professional assistance, matchmakers bring expertise in understanding personality types and compatibility. They can help you define goals based on your preferences and lifestyle and introduce you to potential partners who align with those goals.

If you crave more professional guidance, a dating coach could be the right choice for you. Dating coaches can teach essential skills like effective communication and confidence-building, as well as offer objective feedback and strategies to enhance your dating experiences. For deeper issues that might hinder your goal setting, they can help you work through past relationship problems and guide you to setting realistic and healthy goals.

You don’t have to navigate the dating world alone—support from friends, loved ones, or professionals can be incredibly beneficial in achieving your relationship aspirations.

Final Thoughts - Be Patient

Setting relationship goals requires patience because it's not just about finding any partner; it's about finding the right one for you. Allow yourself to take the time you need to understand yourself better, to learn from past relationships, and to explore what you truly desire in a partner. Try to slow down and enjoy the process of meeting new people—discovering commonalities and understanding differences.

Being patient also means not settling for less than what you deserve. Rushing into a relationship just for the sake of being in one can lead you to dissatisfaction and heartache in the long run. Instead, take the time to evaluate potential partners, consider their values and goals, and assess whether they align with yours.

Setting relationship goals involves introspection and self-awareness. You need to know what you want and need from a relationship before you can effectively communicate that to a partner. This requires patience with yourself as you explore your own desires, boundaries, and deal-breakers.

A note on self-awareness: While connections with others are important, it’s absolutely essential that you don’t neglect your relationship with yourself. Take time to get to know or reconnect with who you are inside. A therapist can offer extra support as you work toward healing emotional injuries caused by trauma and past experiences.

Ultimately, by being patient and setting clear relationship goals, you increase your chances of finding a compatible long-term partner who not only enriches your life but also shares your vision for the future. Trust the process and remember that good things come to those who wait.

by Darci Johnson

Maintain Your Work-Life Balance While Dating

Juggling a successful career and a fulfilling dating life can feel like walking a tightrope. As a career-driven professional, you put a huge amount of energy into your work. Still, while you're striving for success and advancement, it's essential not to neglect your personal life. When you're looking for a partner, a healthy work life balance includes time for dating and relationships.

In the midst of busy schedules and demanding work commitments, it's easy for dating to take a backseat. While pursuing a successful career is undoubtedly important, when you’re looking for a relationship, it's also crucial to prioritize your potential partners. This will help to make the people you date feel valued and cherished.

An important aspect of a relationship is making your partner feel special and appreciated when you're together, regardless of your career obligations or aspirations. Finding the right balance between work and dating is crucial for our overall well-being and happiness.

Here are some practical tips to help you maintain a healthy equilibrium:

Prioritize Your Time

Just as you prioritize tasks at work based on urgency and importance, apply the same principle to your personal life. Set aside dedicated time for dating and stick to it. Treat it as an important commitment, just like you would a work meeting or deadline.

To Dr. Ali Abdal, author of “Feel Good Productivity: How to Do More of What Matters to You,” the secret is choosing yourself. This might sound counterintuitive for dating, but in the end, choosing a compatible partner is an investment in your future happiness. By taking time to invest seriously in your dating journey, you—together with your future partner—are building the beginnings of a deep well of connection and fulfillment.

“I know a bunch of entrepreneurs who have sold companies for hundreds of millions who don’t have a wife and kids—yet. Or they’ve said ‘Oh, no I’m still doing the single thing,”. People I’ve spoken to in their 30s, a couple people even approaching their 40s as well, who have said ‘Honestly, if I had my time again, I would take dating way more seriously,’ because they feel that missing aspect of commitment and building something and investing in a family.”

Dr. Ali Abdal, “Feel Good Productivity: How to Do More of What Matters to You

Take control of your schedule by planning ahead. Use tools like calendars or scheduling apps to block out time for both work and personal activities. This proactive approach can help prevent work from encroaching on your dating life and vice versa.

In a busy career-driven life, it's not always about the quantity of time you spend with your partner, but the quality. Make the most of the time you have together by being present, attentive, and engaged. Put away distractions like phones or work emails to focus entirely on your date.

Communicate Boundaries

Open and honest communication is key in both your professional and personal relationships. The simple truth is that sometimes work will need to come first, and that’s okay. Clearly communicate your boundaries and availability to the person you’re dating. Let them know about your work commitments and when you're available to spend quality time together.

Be flexible and adaptable when it comes to both work and dating. Sometimes unexpected deadlines or last-minute meetings may arise, and that's okay. Similarly, be understanding if your partner has commitments that require flexibility. It's all about finding a balance that works for both of you.

Be realistic about what you can feasibly handle in terms of work life balance and dating. Striving for perfection in either area can lead to burnout and disappointment. Instead, set realistic expectations for yourself and your relationships, focusing on connection rather than perfection.

Self-Care Matters

Don't forget to prioritize self-care amidst your hectic schedule. Taking care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being is essential for maintaining balance. Make time for activities that recharge you, whether it's exercising, meditating, or pursuing hobbies you enjoy.

Don’t be afraid to take things off your plate! Consider whether hiring a service to help with household tasks such as laundry, organizing, or lawn care is right for you. Even at the best of times, chores and home maintenance can be overwhelming. When our schedules get too full, every spare moment of relaxation counts.

Professional services exist for just about any task you can think of. Here are a few you can look into to enhance your self care, and in turn, your dating life:

• A dry-cleaner or laundry service can take the never-ending piles of washing and folding off your hands.
• A stylist can help you optimize your wardrobe and choose your go-to date outfits.
• If you don’t have the bandwidth for daily walks, hiring a dog walker is a great option to make sure your furry friends still get the care they need.
• A personal chef or meal prep service can alleviate the stress of meal planning and cooking with delicious, customized meals. (This also comes in handy for planning at-home dinner dates and special occasions!)
• A professional organizer can help you streamline your living space, creating a more functional and aesthetically pleasing environment.
• Hiring a gardening or yard work service can keep your outdoor space looking neat and healthy without you having to lift a finger.

Amidst the chaos of work and dating, remember to stay present and mindful. Practice mindfulness techniques to stay grounded and focused on the present moment, whether you're at work or on a date. Being mindful can enhance your overall work life balance and deepen your connections with others.

Evaluate and Adjust Regularly

Finally, periodically evaluate how well you're balancing work and dating. Reflect on what's working and what's not, and be willing to make adjustments as needed. Your priorities and circumstances may change over time, so it's essential to stay flexible and adapt accordingly.

Tip: If you’re having a tough time in the dating scene, you don’t have to go it alone. A relationship pro can help you take stock of your dating history. Consider talking with a matchmaker or dating coach about your past experiences and your current approach. They can help you identify patterns, introduce you to new strategies, and introduce you to some incredible potential partners.

There’s also no shame in taking a break from the dating game for a while. For many reasons, it can be helpful to step back. If you find yourself deriving more of your self-worth or feelings of validation from dating than you’re comfortable with, for example, it could be time to focus on yourself for a bit.

Busy times at work might also cause you to step back from the dating scene. At times when you’re putting in more hours than usual, such as near the deadline for an important project or a busy season for your clients might make it necessary to put romance on the back burner for a while.

Just remember that your romantic life is important too and come back around to dating when you have the capacity. It's not about achieving perfect work life balance, but rather finding a harmonious blend that brings fulfillment and happiness to both your career and your love life.

by Darci Johnson