Profile Pictures are Worth A Thousand Words
Today we’re covering one of my favourite topics—Profile Pictures!
I will admit, I am often guilty of being highly critical when it comes to crafting a dating profile. I like to think of it as a resume for love. Please forgive my passion, but I cannot stress enough, how important it is to put your best foot forward with a flattering photo.
Your photo is the first thing people see, and it’s what will make them want to swipe right or message you. We have done some experiments to see what gets the right attention and what attracts the wrong attention.
Did you know most people make up their mind about you within the first six seconds?
So, what are your profile pictures telling them at first glance? Your first goal is to just get them to give your profile a second look; pique their interest!
Profile Pictures Are a Must
Not having photos on your dating profile will get you all the wrong attention. If people think you want to be anonymous, then most will assume you are only after a casual sexual encounter. If that’s not what you’re looking for, then let’s make sure you post a really good photo that indicates this isn’t what you want.
It is better to wait until you are ready to post your profile pictures and your bio is complete before you start browsing so that you start out on the right foot.
Without a photo, you will only attract unwanted attention, and this can be hard for some people to handle.
Your main photo should be you and you alone. No children, friends, family, or pets. Just a nice, clear photo of you. Pose naturally, smile, dress and wear your hair as you would for a typical first date.
Headshots are great, but you should also include a full-body photo in your profile.
Depending on how many photos you can upload to the site or app you’re using, you can include group shots, but make sure it’s not the first thing they see. Nobody wants to go hunting through a photo to find out which one you are.
There are some apps that hide or blur your photos, so that you have to get to know someone before you make a snap judgement on their appearance.
It is a great tool to get you to pay a monthly subscription as most people are so curious they will pay just to see what someone looks like, and then you choose who you reveal your photo to.
Keep Your Photos Updated
Ok, let’s get serious now, why would you want to put a photo up from five years ago? None of us are getting any younger, that’s a well-known fact! People are known to send the oldest and best photo they have, and it infuriates me. I am often sent a photo before a consultation to show me how a potential client represents themselves and when I meet them I do a double take!
When I ask how old the photo is, I inevitably hear a story about someone’s brother’s wedding from three years ago. It makes me crazy.
No wonder they are not getting any second dates! Usually, the first date doesn’t even last longer than 30-60 minutes, depending on how polite the other person is. I understand feeling self-conscious about aging, but you’re setting yourself up for failure if you misrepresent yourself online.
Keep your photos current and make sure they’re an honest reflection of you. We are constantly changing. Anytime your style changes, you update your hair colour, gain or lose weight, etc. you should be updating your photos. If you’re clean shaven, don’t have a beard in all of your photos.
You should also change your photos up every three months or so, after all it doesn’t reflect well if people see the same photos. They’re likely to think you are a serial dater. If a photo is not generating the right interest then change it sooner. Play around with your profile pictures and bio until you find what works.
The Must-Have Spring Collection
It’s officially spring. That means it's time to do a little spring cleaning, cleanse your closets of all the stuff you’ve kept for too long, declutter your mind, and most importantly—purify your heart.
Donate any old clothes to Goodwill or a family in your community. Got an old game of Battleship? You can take toys your kids have outgrown to local women’s and children’s shelter. Clean out the garage and put unwanted stuff out on the curb with a FREE sign. You’ll be shocked how much will be gone the next day. There are so many ways to get rid of the things we’ve collected in our lives, but no longer need.
Spring is the perfect fresh start to rid any excess baggage. As you’re Marie Kondo-ing your physical junk, be sure to inventory your emotional junk as well. So often we hold onto things—memories and maybes, and what-ifs—even those shoes from high school. Okay, maybe that one was just me.
Declutter Your Mind & Your Space
Use this time to declutter your mind and focus on yourself. Travel more. Adopt that dog you’ve always wanted but your ex was allergic to. Apply for your dream job. Throw caution to the wind, but use this time to work on you. Start checking items off your bucket list.
Do not go out on a date just yet or go back to the well and start texting old flames. Don’t start downloading the apps or building a dating profile until you’ve finished your spring cleaning.
Stay away from any means that would put you out there looking for a partner. This will be a challenge, but you can do it. You need this separation in your life to build your spring must-haves collection. You will never know what is tailored for you, what fits you best, if you do not focus on yourself first. Try you on for size.
Clean Mind
We tend to hoard possessions until they become emotional weights we didn’t even realize we were carrying. This leaves less room in our lives for the essentials, the things that I call must-haves.
Every season, the fashion industry defines what the newest trends are. It's time for you to define yours, as it pertains to your most prized possession of all—your heart. Shoes, well, they come and go. Your heart on the other hand, isn’t going anywhere.
How Do You Eat an Elephant?
One bite at a time.
If the idea of taking on your physical and emotional junk overwhelms you, then take it one task at a time.
Small, manageable doses are key to tackling any problem. If we tried to inventory the magnitude of baggage we’ve collected over the years, locked away in our closets and our hearts, it would send the strongest of us into a tailspin.
Make lists of the things you want to change; keep it very specific. Every day attempt to work on at least one thing on your list. You don’t have to give yourself hard deadlines. Take the whole weekend to clean out your bedroom closet if you need to. No one is there telling you how quickly you should work through your list.
Make a game out of it. Reward yourself after each small victory.
We all tend to place unachievable, unrealistic goals on ourselves and it leads to disappointment and disaster. If you focus on each attainable bite-sized task instead, you’ll see how quickly they add up to big life changes.
Pure Heart
Do you make excuses to yourself? Maybe you tell yourself it's best to stay in an imbalanced relationship because all of the time you’ve invested. Or because it's easier to stay than to put yourself back out there and try to find someone or someone at your age?
Stop. If you are in an unhappy relationship, pause, and write down the things you wish you could change.
Have you addressed these issues with your partner? If not, start today.
It’s time to make tough decisions that may include throwing out some of your emotional baggage. Work on improving yourself. Do all of the things in your own life that you wish your partner did for you.
Can't Lose
Once you get to the point where your list is checked off, no matter how long it has taken you, it’s time to party. Try on and out this new version of you. Pop a bottle of champagne and celebrate.
Walk that runway with your heart clean and open to what is to come. You can not find a partner without first clearing out the junk. After you have put in the work to declutter your mind and clear out all the junk that has held you down, you deserve it.
You are beautiful. You are handsome. There is someone for everyone. Your fairytale awaits, so get to cleaning out your closet. Rid your life of anything that holds you back from finding the one. Your person has been waiting on you. Tis the season! Never know what you will actually find when you clean out those closets for spring!
How to Spot Online Imposters
Fun fact about me: in my twenties, I tried online dating. Back then, online dating was new and taboo. Like Fight Club, the first rule was don’t talk about it; lie about where you met. It was as if I had become a member of some clandestine society, wearing this figurative offline cloak of secrecy. Not only did I not discuss it, I certainly would’ve never considered writing about it. But, here I am and frankly, the statute of limitations has expired. So let’s take a long hard look at online imposters and how to protect yourself from them.
More is Not Always Better
Keep in mind, two decades ago there were only a few players in the online dating market, a stark contrast from today.
It didn’t matter if you were seeking a fellow dog lover, or a faith-focused Christian, maybe even a partner who was living the farm life there was no online platform bigger than Match.com. Yet, their online community was a collective of all walks of life, so niche preferences didn’t make the cut on any drop-down fields when building a profile or searching the profiles of others.
While the online market is filled with countless additions since then, no matter what the URL they all do have something in common—online imposters.
They are filled with attractive men and women, seemingly looking for a committed relationship. They have bios that speak to every disservice or pain-point any reader has or ever will encounter in a relationship.
This is the first of many red flags.
Can you relate? You read her profile and wonder how she can possibly be single? She’s only 66 miles away. You begin to think you’d travel for someone this incredible. Suddenly your distance deal breaker is negotiable because this woman shouldn’t be single, but you’re glad she is.
Listen to Your Instincts
This is where I go back to my great-grandmother’s advice (this will be a common reference in my blogs) that lives with me 30+ years later.
If it’s too good to be true, it is.
If you are online, it’s safe to say you have yet to find one single person that captures just a few of your wants. Then all of a sudden, here comes someone who seemingly possesses everything you are looking for. It’s a catch-all sales tactic most often seen on late-night infomercials.
Okay, so you messaged the wildly attractive no-way-they’re-real profile...no judgement here! I admire people who believe the glass is half-full. However, there are countless good-hearted people who have been scammed by online imposters, so I must advise you to be skeptical as you move forward.
If within the first few messages you notice any of the following red flags, I urge you to end the conversation and move on:
- They give you a different name from the one on his profile.They’re likely on several sites under different aliases.
- He invites you to message using an app like WhatsApp or Kik
- They tell you they’re not officially divorced. It’s likely their spouse is not even aware they’re unofficially divorced.
- Their original location was local, but after you connect, they are traveling abroad, usually urgently.
- They ask what you do for a living, specifics about your family, what zip code you live in, but refuse to answer the same or similar questions. Ever hear of stranger danger?
- Beware when you ask a specific, yet common question about their hometown. For example, I once asked a man from Chicago if he was a Cubs or Sox fan. He replied that he wasn’t into basketball.
If your intuition is alerting you to stranger danger, it’s time to listen.
Spelling & Grammar
Many online imposters will use exceedingly poor spelling and grammar despite often boasting post-graduate degrees. Pay attention, this is where the journalist in me kicks in. It’s one thing to have a misspelling here and there. No telling, they may be on the go, in a hurry, or maybe they just have fat fingers, who knows?
Does their language style and conversation skills match the profile they’re portrayed? The improper use of words and verb tenses, as well as bizarre punctuation are all big red flags. If your intuition hasn’t kicked in just yet, well, I’m trying to help you here!
Why are there so many online imposters? What can they possibly gain? There are a million reasons why someone is online and maybe they’re bored just like you? But, other reasons can be far more dangerous and deceitful.
Use Common Sense
If you met someone in a bar or a social event and they asked you deeply personal questions in a very short time period, it should sound an alarm. Gut-instinct is something we are all born with, but it's a conscious choice as to whether or not we listen and allow it to guide us.
Be weary of anyone that asks you to talk in great detail about yourself. It’s easy to feel flattered that another person is eager to learn about you. No one can fault you for loving the attention, but don’t lose your sensibilities in the process. We have all been living in quarantine for the last year, so it’s easy to get caught up in compliments, if even you know they’re coming from an online imposter.
These imposters are very good at what they do. They quickly build a connection with you from what you tell them. The information you give them in conversation is used to craft a script that speaks to your heart. They want to hook you and leave you with the impression that this stranger truly cares about you.
I’m sorry, but...
Online Imposters Do Not Care About You
Sadly, they craft messaging around the very private information you share with them. You could go on wasting your time or worse, losing money. Some ask for you to send them unused gift cards, bank account information with the end goal—money. Don’t fall for the scheme.
You are talking to a scam artist, not your future husband or wife. In 2018, the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) received thousands of reports of romance scammers who created fake online relationships only to steal their victims’ money.
Signs of a scam are always evolving, but the FTC boiled it down quickly:
- Tell you they love you quickly.
- Are from the U.S. but are overseas either for business or military.
- Ask for money in an attempt to lure you off the dating site.
- Promise to visit but an emergency prevents them from doing so.
Please be smart. While I’m warning you, I’m not the U.S. government, and even they know this is dangerous territory.
When you’re online, lead with your head, not your heart. All of the cues we are privy to in person: body language, mannerisms, eye contact or validation of one’s appearance are absent online. An online photo on a dating site isn’t confirmation that someone looks like that today or ever.
So, whatever method you opt to use to find love, be sure to properly vet them or employ others to do the work for you. It’s a jungle out there, so arm yourself with your weapons of gut-instinct and common sense. It will help save your heart and perhaps, your wallet!
Stay safe in your quest for love,
Jodi
*If you feel as if you have been a victim of an online dating scam, please report your incident to reportfraud.ftc.gov and the respective online dating site.
Putting Yourself Out There: Ready for a Relationship or Just Want Attention?
If you are single, chances are you have been putting yourself out there in some form, whether it be with a matchmaking service, posting an online profile, or venturing out in public situations with a goal of meeting someone.
People can often be nomadic, roaming from various forums to find someone to connect with on whatever the level they can. She may be quick to seek out a companion. But she will often become much less hasty when it comes time to define what she truly wants.
So, before you go putting yourself out there, think about what it is that you are really seeking. And if you don’t know, maybe this will help you consider defining what you are looking for in the first place.
Don't Go Putting Yourself Out there for Just Anybody
For starters, if their dating profile says any iteration of the following—do yourself a favor and run.
I’m recently divorced, so I’m just seeing what’s out there. I’m not really sure what I want.
This is a red flag. If it’s your desire to find a lasting relationship, don’t waste your time on someone who is just playing the field.
It is easy to assume when someone openly discusses being single or talks about being lonely, that he or she in fact, wants a companion. But, that can mean different things to different people, so you need to define the context.
Clarify expectations before you ever meet someone. This will go a long way in deciphering if it is even worth getting gussied up. Find out if they’re looking for a relationship or just a body to fill in the void of loneliness.
So many of us have been siloed because of the COVID Pandemic. What we’re craving now more than ever, is connectivity to one another. Unfortunately, this often causes people to act out with attention seeking behavior.
Don't be Fooled by Attention Seeking Behavior
Desiring the attention of others is simply the need to be heard or validated by another. It’s an intrinsic Maslovian need all humans share. But just because someone displays attention seeking behavior, it does not necessarily mean they want a relationship.
As we slowly transition back to our semi-normal lives, a lot of people have blurred the lines between truly wanting a relationship and just seeking attention. We have all lived in a bubble lacking the simple interactions that we used to take for granted.
Interacting with someone at the post office or talking to the salesclerk at our favorite store, perhaps greeting the Principal as we dropped our kids off at school—all these routine communications helped with the balance sheet we all have that tracks our need for human interaction.
For many people, these tedious interactions fed our appetite for attention, even when we weren’t consciously processing them as such.
But living for the last year without those day-to-day errands or interactions in our lives, our inherent nature to be validated in even the smallest of ways has met a deficit. These interactions for many have become extinct, forcing our attention balance sheets into the red.
This has created an influx of daters on the scene with varying intentions. You’re putting yourself out there with individuals who have both clear and murky intentions.
Don't Expect a Relationship to Fix All Your Problems
Be sure to clarify their intent before meeting. Are they looking for attention or a relationship?
A relationship is presumed to include positive and affirming attention. Although successful relationships are built on attentivity to one’s partner, it should not be construed that every relationship has this successful pairing. Meaning, if you have a relationship, you will therefore reap attention from your partner.
In fact, marriages often fail because a partner feels disconnected, isolated, or alone. This leads to a breakdown in communication, and lack of such. Much of this is tied to simply not paying attention to one’s partner and validating him or her in a positive way.
Keep in mind no one puts themselves out there without having some reason in mind for doing so. Do not be fooled. Often singles will say they do not know what they want, but put themselves in the peripheral of others who are fully in touch with their desires.
Think about what motivated you into putting yourself out there in the first place. Were you looking for true love or a bit of validation?
It is okay to be lonely, it is okay to want a relationship, it is okay to simply want the attention of another. Simply own it and say so. Putting yourself out there, means revealing your wants and needs.
So, speak your truth, regardless of your intentions. Align yourself with a partner seeking the same as you. No one can fault you for being honest.
Dating After Divorce: How to Prepare for a New Chapter
According to researchers, divorce is the second most stressful life event one can experience. Preceded only by the death of a loved one and followed by a health crisis. Dating after divorce can be equally stressful if you’re not prepared.
The first thing you should consider is how dating has evolved tremendously over the last decade. Tinder came on the scene in September 2012, followed by Bumble in 2014.
So, chances are things will be very different from first dates you’ve experienced in the past. Gone are the days of buying her flowers and picking her up at her front door for a first date.
When to Get Back Out There
Unfortunately, I cannot definitively say when someone is ready to start dating after divorce. Every relationship is different; every person is different. Only you will know when you’re ready; move at your own pace.
Your friends and family will encourage you to move on and play the field. They mean well, but you know yourself better than anyone else does. Trust your gut. It’s okay if you’re not ready.
You should wait until your marriage is officially over, including all the legalities: separation of assets, custody agreements, alimony, etc.
If you are emotionally over your ex, but the paperwork isn’t quite dry, I would advise you to just put off seriously considering another relationship for those last few months.
Things start to get messy when you start something new without tying up all of your loose ends first.
Secondly, ask yourself—is it really another relationship you want? Don’t fire up the dating apps just because you’re feeling a bit lonely on Sunday evening. Are you looking for validation in the form of shirtless bathroom selfies or are you truly ready to open your heart and life up to another person?
When a marriage dissolves, so does the dream of a life together. You planned forever with someone; imagined growing old with her. Then, suddenly it’s all gone. You have to take the time to mourn the loss, just as you would a death.
As painful as it is, let yourself experience the grief. Don’t try to mask it with new women—that will only delay your healing.
After about a year, most people feel ready to move on. But you should still expect some intense feelings to pop up from time to time. Trauma has a way of doing that. Allow yourself to have those mini meltdowns. It is a natural part of the healing process and it means you’re one step closer to dating after divorce.
Use this time alone to learn about yourself. Reflect on your failed marriage. Will you do anything differently next time? What characteristics will you look for when you’re ready to start dating after divorce?
What to Expect When You're Dating After Divorce
It’s normal to struggle with how to step out of the husband role and into the boyfriend position.
This woman has not made a commitment to you yet. You have not stood in front of God and your loved ones to say vows. You are not her husband.
Let me say that one more time—you are not her husband.
Maybe someday you will be her husband, but don’t rush it. Don’t force it. Relish your time as the boyfriend. Learn about yourself, your partner, and how you fit into one another’s lives. Use this time to see if she is someone you could spend forever with.
Don’t use intimacy to manipulate the situation. Some people use physical touch with multiple partners as a way to escape their emotions. Others combine sex and monogamy in an attempt to make the relationship progress more quickly.
Both usually end in disaster.
When you’re used to being one-half of a whole, it’s very difficult to learn how to be on your own. It’s a lonely process full of self-doubt.
There will be women who seem perfect for weeks and they will disappear out of thin air. This is called ghosting.
Try Something New
I would wager you learned a thing or two about yourself during your divorce that you didn’t know before. I challenge you to continue doing that. Expand your horizons. Try new things. Work on yourself. See a therapist. Start a new hobby.
Explore your deal breakers and really discern if they are things you need in a partner or just preferences you want. Go out with women you normally wouldn’t consider.
Give personality and common interest your primary attention, and make physical attraction a secondary criteria. Science has shown that attraction grows over time. Our brains release a cocktail of happy hormones whenever we are around people who make us laugh and feel good.
The more time you spend with that person, the better she looks.
You may find that you’re attracted to women who look nothing like your ex. Trauma has a way of doing that too.
Trust that if your Matchmaker suggests someone, there is a definitive reason that the two of you were paired. This is your chance to meet all different types of women from various backgrounds and cultures.
Give it a shot. I dare you.
Relationship Resolutions for the New Year
I think it is safe to say we are all more than ready to say goodbye to 2020. But now is the time to really reflect on your year and start to develop a plan for 2021 and beyond. How do you want to work on yourself? What sort of relationship resolutions do you want to put out into the universe?
The only true control we have in this world is over ourselves and our actions. You can’t change other peoples’ behaviors—only your own. Therefore, any real change starts from within.
Whether you want to develop a healthier work/life balance, start a new exercise regimen, or meet the love of your life next year, you need to start putting in the work today.
Improve Upon Yourself & Good Things Will Follow
When was the last time you treated yourself to a #NewYearNewMe makeover? Updating your style and trying out a new look is a great way to instantaneously give your self-confidence and self-esteem a boost.
Everyone feels better after a fresh haircut or a day at the spa.
This is not all about physical beauty or conforming to society’s standards, it is about doing something for yourself that makes you feel good in your own body, even if that’s just a massage.
Self-care is a continuous cycle of positivity everyone should make time for in their life. When you look good, you feel good. And when you feel better about yourself, it can have positive impacts on every aspect of your life.
The Law of Attraction is a theory that says,
We attract that which we give off.
It is sort of a reverse Golden Rule. If you put good things out into the universe, good things will come to you in return. And as I stated earlier, you can only control yourself, so it’s up to you whether you give off positivity or negativity.
If you’re done reading The Five Love Languages already, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, is a great book for anyone interested in diving deeper into the Law of Attraction.
One of the key points of the Law of Attraction is manifesting the things you want out of life. This can be done in any way that works for you: meditation, prayer, vision boards, spreadsheets, you can even do it in the shower or during a run.
Relationship Resolutions
Is it your heart’s desire to fall in love this year?
If so, it’s time to get busy. In addition to taking the practical steps, like hiring a matchmaker, and creating a dating profile, you should start manifesting love right now.
Put real time and effort into thinking about what you want out of a relationship. What type of partner do you want? And more importantly, what type of partner do you want to be?
Write it all down. Make a list. Develop a mantra or a mission statement. Put your goals on your bathroom mirror or map it out on your office whiteboard. Post it somewhere so you will see it multiple times a day even if it’s only for a few moments.
During these manifestation exercises, think critically about the dating criteria you have followed in the past. Have any of those things changed? Are you open to dating someone with children now even if you weren’t when you were younger?
Examine all of your deal breakers. Can you overcome any of them?
Instead of shutting yourself off to anyone shorter than six feet, focus on things like intellectual and emotional compatibility.
Take a deep look at your dating history, especially in the areas that you feel have failed.
Perhaps 2021 is the perfect time to put your dating life in the hands of a professional once and for all. We want to help you fix whatever is broken in your love life. Sometimes that means we will push you to try something new, because what you’ve been doing is not working. Trust that we always have your best interests at heart.
Studies show it takes at least three dates for the average person to feel comfortable enough to open up and show their true authentic self. This is why we always urge clients not to write someone off after the first date.
What are your Relationship Resolutions going into 2021? We would love to be part of your journey and help you reach all of your goals. What are you waiting for? Take the first step toward forever.
Are You Feeling Lonely or Are You Just Alone?
One can be standing in an arena full of people and still be feeling lonely. The two concepts are not mutually exclusive. On the other hand, you’re capable of feeling completely fulfilled even when you’re all by yourself.
Today, I want to focus on providing strategies that will help you achieve the latter.
It's Okay if You're Feeling Lonely
As we move through the Holiday Season, I want you to be mindful of your emotional state. Studies show people are more likely to suffer from depression during this time of year. And recently single people are particularly vulnerable to feeling lonely and hopeless.
When you’re used to being one-half of a whole, it can be difficult to learn how to be your own person.
You’re used to having a partner and having help. You used to negotiate chores and manage a household, but now you’re stuck doing everything by yourself.
It’s okay to feel frustrated and inadequate for those few moments, as long as you know that’s not actually true. You have to love yourself first and foremost.
When you have a moment of weakness, allow yourself to exist in that moment. We often run from uncomfortable feelings, but I encourage you to sit with them for a beat and examine the root. These moments are a natural part of the healing process and necessary for learning how to be by yourself.
Focus on Being Alone
If you don’t have children in the home, your newfound silence can feel deafening. An empty house can be the loneliest place on earth if you’re not careful.
It’s important that you learn to find security in the silence. Sit with it. Explore it. Whether you call it meditation, prayer, or quiet time, science has proven that dedicating time to silently focusing inward has phenomenal health benefits for the brain and body.
Use this quiet time to learn how to be happy alone. Learn how to be comfortable in your own presence. Fall in love with yourself. Engage in self-care. Finish all those projects you’ve been putting off. Do something that’s good for your soul, like volunteering or donating to a good cause. Try a new hobby. Reach out to an old friend. Start a new healthy habit.
Instead of dwelling on what’s missing in your life, fill your time with positive things.
Getting Back Out There
Whether you’re fresh off a tough break up or you’re dealing with the death of a spouse, or the heartbreak of divorce, putting yourself back out there is scary.
It can feel like a lonely process full of uncertainty and self-doubt, but you’re not alone. Our team is dedicated to helping you navigate this journey as comfortably as possible. In addition to our proven matchmaking skills, we can provide one-on-one coaching, expectation management, and professional advice.
Reflect on your previous relationships and dating habits. What will you do differently next time? Consider what, if anything, led to the destruction of your relationship? How can you keep that from happening again?
What is it about dating that keeps you up at night? Have these hard conversations with your Matchmaker.
If it has been more than 10 years since you’ve been single, be prepared for some changes to the dating scene. Online dating and dating apps have really affected the culture and attitudes of a lot of daters. Disappearing acts like Ghosting are unfortunately a common occurrence in the digital dating space.
Love Languages in the Time of COVID
Are you familiar with the Five Love Languages? Today, we're going to take a look at all Five Love Languages in the time of COVID, and how to express each of them in a safe and healthy way.
Gary Chapman developed the theory over 25 years ago. The Five Love Languages states that everyone has a preference on how they like to give and receive love.
The Five Love Languages are: Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.
Throughout 2020, we have had to adapt and learn new ways to exist in a world where our interactions with other people are more limited and restricted than any other period in modern history.
For single people, this has been particularly challenging. Humans are social animals. Isolation is unnatural and uncomfortable. Lucky for us, we have technology which provides safer alternatives to in-person physical contact. It’s not a perfect system, especially if you’re looking for love.
Words of Affirmation
Let’s start with an easy one, shall we?
It only takes a few seconds of your time to make someone else’s entire day. Compliment the people you care about. Send them a quick text that you’re thinking of them. When they say or do something that makes you happy, tell them so.
The good news is that a global pandemic doesn’t hinder our ability to speak this love language. Whether it’s a Zoom call or a carrier pigeon, it’s important that you make an effort to express your feelings, especially if Words of Affirmation is one of your partner’s primary Love Languages.
Gifts
Luckily, we live in an age where you can have pretty much any good or service delivered to your door quickly and safely. We have options, it’s not just orchids or roses anymore, fellas. So, this is another Love Language that hasn’t been hit too terribly hard by COVID-19.
Gifts need not be expensive or extravagant. Of course, they can be, but the point is to fill your partner’s love tank, not shower her with diamonds. In a world where restaurants and bars are closed, use small tokens and gifts to fill the void caused by the Coronavirus.
Acts of Service
This is where things start to get a little more difficult. Social distancing makes doing the small everyday acts of kindness tougher. This is the best Love Language for creativity and thinking outside the box.
Try to anticipate and alleviate your partner’s pain points to the best of your ability. What is causing her stress at this moment in her life? Is there anything you can do to lessen or eliminate that burden?
Quality Time
I’ve seen a trend online where couples are complaining about having too much Quality Time while they’re on lockdown together.
So, what I want to do is look at the opposite. Single adults who live alone are experiencing the worst of this, in my very humble opinion.
If you don’t have children who live at home, there’s a good chance you’ve spent a significant portion of the last 9 months in complete isolation. I know I have.
How can you spend Quality Time with someone when you’re not allowed to be around them?
Find new ways to do and experience things together. Even if you can’t be in one another’s space, there are safe, socially distant, outdoor activities you can do together.
A lot of places like museums and zoos have added features to their websites where you can do virtual tours and watch live feeds. It’s not the same as being there in-person holding hands, but it’s the next best thing.
Keep in mind, the objective is Quality Time, not necessarily quantity. Your goal is to show her spending time with her and learning more about her is important to you even though it’s not easy to do right now. Women want to see you put in an effort especially when there are barriers to overcome.
FaceTime is your friend. I know the last thing you want to do between back-to-back Zoom meetings is more video calls, but being able to see one another right now is so important. Calls and texts only go so far.
Physical Touch
To all of my Physical Touch people, I know your pain and I wish I could give you all a hug!
My poor dog practically runs and hides when he hears me say the word cuddle these days. We are struggling, but we are surviving!
“Make sure you are taking time to connect physically with your loved ones. Give a shoulder rub. Cozy up as you read a book. Just be mindful to break from the digital routine for some good, old fashioned connection via Physical Touch.”
- Gary Chapman, on Love Languages in the time of COVID
The nation’s top epidemiologists recommend wearing a mask when interacting with anyone outside of your household, this includes during intercourse. So kissing is on hold.
Get creative. One woman built a Hug Glove out of clear plastic with sleeves.
We need to touch and we need to be touched. Depriving oneself of human contact can lead to a decline in both physical and mental health.
I encourage you to lean on Words of Affirmation, Gifts, and Acts of Service during this time. If you’re unable to see one another in person safely, make sure you’re filling each other’s love tanks in other ways, lest the spark die out.
What are your Love Languages in the time of COVID? You can take the quiz here to find out.
Professional Matchmaking: How to Never Get Ghosted Again
If you have spent any amount of time in the dating scene over the past few years, chances are you have heard of the ghosting phenomenon. Hopefully, you aren’t guilty of ghosting anyone, and likewise have not been the victim of a ghost. At Executive Matchmakers, our priority is helping you find genuine, lasting love, so you never get ghosted again.
Did you know that over half of today’s daters have first-hand experience with ghosting?
What exactly does it mean to get ghosted?
Ghosting is the sudden, unexpected cease of all communication from one party within a relationship. Although the term is new, it wasn’t born through dating apps, and it isn’t a new concept.
I assume you have heard the cliché of a father who went out for cigarettes and never came back—that guy ghosted his whole family. It’s not specific to romantic relationships either, we all know a guy who ditches his friends whenever he gets a girlfriend.
The most common form of ghosting can be explained by the following scenario:
You matched with a woman online and shared a number of pleasant chats. You ask for her number and eventually to meet in person. After a few dates and weeks of FaceTiming, she suddenly stops responding to your texts. She dodges your calls, and bails on your weekend plans. You assume she’s caught up in work and give it a week or so before you start to worry. Eventually, you ask her what went wrong, but you get no answer. You’re then left wondering if you did something wrong, she met someone else, or even if she died.
This is an emotionally painful situation to find yourself in. You may have been the perfect gentleman and said all the right things, but she just didn’t see a future with you for one reason or another. Unfortunately, she was unable to communicate that to you—so she ghosted.
“It’s really important to remember if someone ghosts you, that behavior says more about them than you. It’s about their discomfort.” -Dr. Jennice Vilhauer
Why do I keep getting ghosted?
I’m a firm believer that most negative behavior stems from a basis of fear. When humans are afraid, they respond with either fight, flight, or freeze. Ghosting is a combination of the latter two. The ghost freezes communication because she’s afraid of the outcome if the relationship continues, and she flees from the situation in order to avoid difficult conversations or unwanted outcomes.
Fear isn’t the only reason women ghost though. Maybe she’s busy with her career or her family. She could be going through a rough time, either mentally or physically. I think we can all agree, COVID-19 has thrown everyone into a bit of a crisis. Maybe she met someone unexpectedly or an ex came back into her life. And there’s the hardest pill of all to swallow: she’s just not that into you.
But what is she afraid of?
Perhaps it’s a fear of rejection. A sort of get them before they get me first approach. People with this method of dating are not in the right mindset for a long-lasting, committed relationship anyway. Someone who has a pattern of leaving before they get left, will never stay long enough to work through the hard stuff that life tends to throw at us.
One of the most common fears that cause women to ghost is the fear of retaliation. We have been socialized and trained to play nice and never offend a man’s ego. Because of that, some women were simply never taught a polite but effective way to turn down a man’s advances.
How many comedies play off of a woman’s inability to kindly reject a man who buys her a drink at a bar, when she’s clearly not interested in him? There is more truth in that than most of us would like to admit.
Unfortunately, there is a darker side to this fear of retaliation. And that is the very real threat of violence and abuse women have historically experienced at the hands of men with bruised pride.
If the woman who ghosted you has been a victim of or a witness to abuse in her lifetime, try not to take it personally. She probably has a level of fear that revolves around her interactions with men, and ghosting feels like a safer alternative.
Is she too busy or just lazy?
Honestly, does it matter? Whether she’s hustling in her career working 80-hour weeks, or has been on her couch in the same pair of sweatpants all weekend—the fact is she hasn’t made time for you in her life. She may be actively ignoring you, AKA ghosting, or she may just have a mile-long priority list that doesn’t include you.
Will one scenario sting less than the other? I doubt it. It hurts when someone you were developing feelings for doesn’t reciprocate, no matter what the circumstances are.
That being said, I’m a proponent of second chances. If she reaches out with an apology and a valid explanation for being absent, why not give it one more date? That is if you still see potential in the relationship, of course.
How do I never get ghosted again?
Well, there are no guarantees in life, but matchmaking is a smarter, safer way to meet people.
The use of dating apps has created a lot of lazy daters. We pick up our phones and sometimes getting a date is as easy as ordering a pizza. If we don’t catch the other person’s attention within a few messages, they get bored and move on to the next app. We have thousands of possible matches in our pocket. We may give it a few dates, and if that person doesn’t blow our mind, we start swiping again.
It’s all pretty indicative of where we are as a society in terms of instant gratification.
But there is good news! There are alternatives to the monotony of endless swiping, texting, and eventual ghosting. There are better, safer, more efficient ways to date in 2020. At Executive Matchmakers, we have years of experience matching like-minded singles who go on to happy, healthy, long-lasting relationships.
The main reason that ghosting is so prevalent in recent years, is because we’re meeting complete strangers at an unprecedented rate. Previous generations met their mates through mutual friends, family members, church, work, and school. They typically had at least one other person in common with their date.
Take the following situation for example:
Let’s say your Aunt set you up with a young woman from her church. If you were rude on your first date, or you completely disappeared on the woman, it’s likely that she will complain to your Aunt about your behavior. Your Aunt would then hold you accountable and you would face consequences.
When you date strangers from the internet with no mutual connections, there is little to no accountability, and people feel free to behave in ways they probably wouldn’t if their Aunt was privy to the situation.
Your personal matchmaker will not only work to match you with your ideal partner, but she will also follow up with you and your matches to provide her expert coaching and advice. Our priority is helping you find genuine, lasting love so you never get ghosted again.
Executives - Think Outside the Dating Screen!
Matchmakers Are Your Dating Headhunters.
When we talk to potential new clients, a fair number admit that they never thought of hiring someone to help them with their love life until they stumble upon an article or ad for matchmaking. For many successful men and women, it just makes sense right away. Dating is a time investment in hopes of eventually finding a long-term relationship. Alternatively, the online dating screen often produces endless profile scrolling, bad matches, and requires a massive time investment.
Matchmakers are your dating efficiency, love life headhunters! We cut your time spent on dating screens down to zero. Instead of you spending hours scrolling through Tinder, Match, OkCupid, or others, we search our massive "Little Black Book" and use our Personal Scouts to find you high-quality dates. If you are still unsure about the benefits of hiring a matchmaker, keep reading. We'll explain why matchmaking services have the potential for a high ROI for those looking for real love.